To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

That's good. Your dcs probably won't have much to do with her when older?

Some of the arguments were just plain bizarre.

Mother once started a row on her birthday about the card she received from me. Apparently, I supposed to know she ‘hated cards with flowers on them’! I got the frosty vibe, the sulks, the tears, then I was accused of ‘ruining’ her day by my choice of card. When I reacted, told her she was ungracious and surely should accept the gesture in the spirit it was given, she turned it around on me about how disappointed she was that her own daughter didn’t even know her own mother’s preferences.

Once, leading up to Christmas, I popped in a couple of days early to drop off her present. I had bought her a large artificial potted moth orchid - because she had regularly remarked how much she wanted one. It wasn’t a cheap plastic thing, I got a silk one that looked very realistic. Whilst visiting, she asked me to nip down to the local shop to get a few things for her. When I returned, she had opened her present and told me to ‘take it away’ as again she ‘hated’ it as it reminded her of ‘death’! I realised afterwards that she had intentionally sent me on an errand so she could open the present early and engineer an upset. Had she waited until Christmas Day, I wouldn’t have been there so she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to cause maximum upset. I told her if she hated it that much to either give it to a charity or put it in the bin. Surprise, surprise, she did neither and it was always on display in her living room.

My mother once told me a beautiful bouquet which included some yellow roses which I'd spent a fortune on were awful. Apparently she associated yellow roses with her first marriage (unbeknown to me). Yellow roses are now my favourite flowers - because they are beautiful and the ones she hates the most 😀

Surely that's a wind up? Nobody is that cruel

You think that is a wind up? Maybe you need to learn more about these types of mothers.

Reply "I will.remember that for your headstone."

A lighter one from my narc. My mum once said " I've wrapped your Christmas presents but I've not bothered to write all that shit on them" she meant gift tags 🤣🤦‍♀️

My covert narc Mother likes to invalidate me and my feelings, whilst comparing me to my siblings (especially her favourite, my eldest DSis) or their children.

Mother: Did you like ‘Les Miserables’ (for example) when you saw it at the theatre the other week?
Me: Not really, I found it quite disappointing.
Mother: Well Sally liked it (as if to say, I must be wrong for not liking it).

Could use that example for everything both I and my DSis have done and if I don’t like it and she does, then I’m always wrong in my thoughts and feelings about things 🙄

My niece went to a famous city recently, about 3 months after I did. I absolutely loved it, it was a beautiful place. When I came back, I told my Mother so but it was never mentioned until my niece went and then my Mother couldn’t stop going on about it, ‘Rachel loved it down there, she said it was a beautiful place! All her pictures looked lovely’. Now my Mother wants to go there, not because I went and loved it there, but because my niece did (my opinion wasn’t good enough).

I had a special birthday earlier in the year and she insisted to my DH that a special cake must be made and ordered for me. Once she knew how much it would cost, she complained to my DH that she felt it was too expensive and so wanted to cancel it, however my DDad insisted she still go ahead and order it (my DH was paying half anyway 🙄). When the cake was collected and presented to me (2 weeks late because she didn't organise herself on time 🙄), she actually said infront of me “I still think it was a lot of money for what it was, but there you go…” 😮

I could go on but it’s long enough! Sorry to everybody else who has a narc for a Mother 💐

This one made me chuckle:

Mother (smugly): 'I always washed my hands regularly, long before everyone started doing it to stop Covid'

I have so many really horrific ones about my body, my weight, my parenting, my home… but one I will never forget is when I was a teenager and asked my parents if they would (for once) be attending my parents evening.

Her answer- “What’s the point, they’ll only say good things about you”

What a horror! I hope she doesn't have much input now.

my mothers favourite thing was to start on my hair and work down through my whole body / appearance and point out everything that was wrong with me, butthe last tiem she did it i just stood there until she had finished, then said ' have you done now? Only i am not interested in your opinions about what i look like.'
'What do you mean - i am your mother - of course you care about my opinion'
my response to that was - 'no mum the opinions of my friends and husband are what count, since they actually care about me, unlike you.'
I left soon after, she had started that when i was around 7 or 8 - no wonder i had body dysmorphia and eating disorders and complex trauma and PTSd for most of my adult life - BUT she was furious when i married my second husband and made it clear she could not bully me any more - we are still totally blissed out with each other after 25 years and she is dead. Sad though - she missed out on an awesome daughter. MY advantage, as a writer and psychologist i have SOOOOOOOO much background to draw upon, including a full length memoir about her as a mother and how i healed and found real love. Thanks mum, without you showing me what love wasnt i was finaly able to find what love really means and live it - and i am so sad that you never managed that.

Can you IM me a link to read your work?

@sylviemc and we'll done 👏

Well even 🙈

thanks for your interest- www.amazon.co.uk/No-Visible-Injuries-Sylvia-Clare/dp/B087L6SXCQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1BHH7ZQ2LCHOK&keywords=no+visible+injuries&qid=1662487955&sprefix=no+visible+injuries%2Caps%2C92&sr=8-1

"Oh I forgot to give you your birthday card before we went away"

Reader I buy every single family birthday card on her behalf because she pesters me to, because she can't be bothered to make the effort even those for my DC, her DGC. I'm surprised she didn't pester me to buy my own as well!

Pretty sure there is no card. Happy birthday to me!

What I would really like to understand is; are parents with NPD consciously cruel or do they genuinely think their comments are said with good intent? My mother sometimes appeared shocked and very defensive when I reacted as an adult, almost as though she couldn’t understand why I was angry. She would often accuse me of being brutal and hard, so in the end I started to believe her and question my own personality. I used to regularly ask my DH if it was me, was I so wrong and was I really that awful?

lol yes delicious predictive typos

Thanks I've ordered it.

I think they are consciously cruel and then hate it when challenged. Like bullies. They feel better about themselves through their acts.

My DM would not listen to anything that she did not agree with because she was always right and the world had to revolve around her.

We haven't had a post defending these narcs. Presumably they're blissfully unaware of their personality and read this without one whit of empathy.

thank you so much

I agree- self awareness is usually lacking.
My DM is a covert narcissist- she plays the weak victim to get her supply.
This often extends fake limps, pretending to have no family support ( she lives with us).
I watch as her friends and church community treat her like a sweet child.
She bitches about them fiercely behind their backs.

I've known 2 genuine narcissists.
One was very deliberate - all the time, discussed it gleefully.
One was less self aware - had some awareness but refused further discussion
Both equally damaging