To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

Ah, our mothers are from the same school of charm. I have had a lot of issues with my teeth over my life and my Mum loves to tell me that she has never needed to have anything like the work I have needed...and neither has my Dad...

Yes. I've known my entire life that I 'screamed all day long' as a baby and my mum wanted to throw me out the tower block window. It sounds horrible for her but why tell a toddler that? I spent a large proportion of my childhood too scared to say anything in case I made too much noise and got thrown out a window.

What will people think of me?

Oh god this sentence, used to emotionally manipulate us for years.

"You can't wear that, what will people think of me"

"You can't get a dog, what will people think of me"

"You have to invite someone who abused you to your wedding or what will people think of me"

"You can't let people know you lived with your husband before getting married what will people think of me" (please note, we are not religious)

All the time, to the point where it is used as a joke between me and my cousins who heard it whenever they were over. Everything I did in life was judged against whether some invisible audience in my mothers head would approve or not. In reality no one gives a shit what dress I wore in the garden, whether I have a dog etc etc

But she has to have an audience even if its imaginary

😂Jesus!!

Every year on my birthday similar to OP my mum likes to mention how my birth nearly killed her..and go on about the horrible CSection scar she has...blah blah blah
She did have a baby die before me so I know some of this is trauma based and I've spent endless years listening and sympathising. But rather than be pleased I made it...I've been sloppy seconds ever since..

She has been pretty nasty to me during my baby rearing years. I had no end of my own issues and a disabled child but nothing compares to her trauma. You'd think she'd have more sympathy! (Sadly my Dad is the same!)

"I will never forgive you - I had to give up my career for YOU."

Thanks Ma.

"Why don't you make more of your appearance like your friend Jane- she's really pretty!
People must be laughing at us".

" You have to be clever to do A-levels though - I don't know who she thinks she is- she won't get in. None of us went to college "
Said with an eye-roll to/about me at a family gathering when a cousin asked my plans after my exams.

"You look pregnant in that dress- what will people think of ME!"
I was a young teen going to a party in what was my favourite dress.

You were being super thoughtful

I went to uni a bit older and me and DH worked all hours to get me through. Had 2 children through the course. He was sent abroad halfway through so did the last bit while solo parenting and pregnant. Literally the hardest season of my life.

On my graduation day my mum (who I had stupidly invited) said 'of course you are graduating because you purposely picked a degree you were overqualified for because it's was the easy option'

@01Name Big unmumsnetty hugs. They're a bit shit, aren't they?!

To the one (sorry, can't remember your user handle) who asked why we're still in contact - it's complicated.

You don't deserve anything

Saïd to me just after my beloved grandpa died. He'd wanted a solicitor to come to the house to make a will. I was his only grandchild. It was being talked about before the funeral and I didn't understand. The party line was that she couldn't deprive her siblings. 1958, £2000 of his property had been transferred to her, a year earlier.

I was only 2....

When DD was 3 years old I had a blinding migraine and DH was working away. My mum lives about 5 minutes away and I asked her if she could pop in during the day to help look after DD, even if it was just to bring some lunch for DD ( DM loves cooking and I felt so ill food was the last thing I wanted to look at).

DM replied that she was old and retired and we should be looking after her!

She was 55, had never worked and lived with my DF, both were healthy and active.

That sticks in my mind but is typical of DM. She will never help anyone as she expects that everyone will take care of her in every minor matter.

"This is all your fault"

After a failed (completely fake) suicide attempt by her when I was 15.

At a young age telling me she wish she had never had me. She wished she had an abortion . I said 'I never asked to be born'
She said 'then why did you swim so hard to get to the egg, you chose to get into the egg, you raced against millions of sperm'.

As a kid hearing this it blew my mind and made me feel so guilty for existing.

And also, saying at my brothers funeral, I wish plants had killed herself instead of my son.

“You shouldn’t have given up piano when you were a teenager, you were so good at it. Getting you to practice was hard work but then again you’ve always been a waste of space”

Thanks Ma.

Oh yes has this lots of times or even better ‘if I would have known how you turned out we would have aborted you or just stuck to one and put all our energy into ourselves’ 🤬

Mum 'DM' struggled with her weight while I was a slim teenager. She would tell on a regular basis that I would be fat by 21. Another favourite of hers was to buy me new clothes and just as I was about to leave the house dressed in them would say 'well you look like a slut wearing that'. I was a teenager at the time.

Who do you think you are?a yummy mummy?
nope,I just refused to let myself go at the ripe old age of 20

youve porked out!
I was 7 months pregnant,a size 14 and she wasn’t pregnant and a size 30

shame you've not got any tits but you get your fat legs from your father
like I say-she was a size 30

if I could feed you myself,I would-after all silly mummy isn’t good enough!I have the qualifications just not the milk!
to my baby who’d been staving to death as my milk didn’t come through-she claims she fed us all for the first year-my dad told us that was bollocks-6 weeks max

after all I do for you!
like what?she only did anything if others could see her doing it

you fucking slag!that skirt is tiny!shame you don’t have the legs for it!
it was a maxi skirt

why wasn’t I invited to the birth of your first child?I have rights!I wanted to be there!
fuck that-I didn’t want her there and she hadn’t said a word in the pregnancy

why wasn’t I told right away?I should have been the first to know!
30 seconds after I’d given birth-and she was the first to know

why didn’t you buy me flowers?!I bought your dinner!
after telling us for weeks that she didn’t want anything for a non big birthday and she didn’t blame my brothers with their well paid jobs-it was all my fault for not buying her any when I was on benefits at the time and could barely afford to eat

trigger warning
I was raped about 9 years ago and I refused to tell her,(been nc for 12 years)of course she found out
oh for fuck sake-she shagged him and THEN changed her mind!
and she dined out on this info for weeks with her narc mates-every detail was picked apart and what she didn’t know she made up
one normal friend told her that I needed support-not her laughing about it
oh Katherine-she wasn’t raped!she just didn’t realise until the cheque bounced!

Oh and then she got in touch with him and offered her support-thankfully the court he was tried in was too far away or she would have been there,holding his hand

You're fit for nothing
You're worth nothing
You'll get nothing

Usually in the same sentence as a small ish child.

"Aww it's not is it" upon hearing that ds1 was not going to be a girl.

When her sister damaged her back my mother said ''This is really inconvenient for me as she can't help me with (insert a series of shopping/home improvement tasks she expected her sister to do for her)''

When I was in hospital to have a complex operation after months of being in pain and ending up in A&E she did not event bother to call me after the surgery. I called her to tell her it had gone ok and she spent less than 2 minutes on the phone before saying she had to go to get her car serviced.

Lovely things like ''don't do your eyebrows like that it makes you look stupid'' . When I was waiting to be seen at the local council office for a housing query she said ''they would have paid more attention and seen you faster if it had been a pretty woman asking''...

Unsurprisingly I have been no contact with her for years now.

The context was even better she was talking about how her academic intelligence combined with my fathers and copious beatings had created three superb academics, they suggest that any child not exceeding their academic age should be ‘put in a home as it’s kinder for them and you can then concentrate on the oxbridge material’. 🤢it’s ‘all about the breeding and any runts shouldn’t really survive in the wild and we as humans have become too lax about all this much kinder you know to put them down if they aren’t better than average’ 🤮

I’ve been in ptsd trauma counselling for year and I’m not in contact.

My wedding day aged 24. Mother, as I came down the stairs in my wedding dress , " Well yes you look quite pleasant'. Fucking hell.

My DD (14): I don’t really like History
DM: That’s a shame. I LOVED history at school.
My DD: I just find it really boring.
DM: Really? I LOVED it. I’m surprised you don’t like it. It’s such a shame you don’t like it, it’s so fascinating.
My DD: 😕

So many:

Whilst growing up. I nearly aborted you, you know!

Upon hearing when my due date was with DC1 - but I normally go on holiday then!
Nearing my due date with above child - can't you ask to be induced? I'm going on holiday next week!

After I'd been burgled - this is really upsetting me. I told you to give me your grandmother's jewellery (specific pieces my grandmother had left to me that were taken along with loads of other things).

Upon hearing that my DC2 had a heart problem - this is more distressing for me as the grandmother.

I could go on. Took me until age 42 to realise she was a narcissist.