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Original poster

To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

1000 replies

itsgoodtobehome · 12/08/2022 16:19

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

OP posts:
Realitysucks · 14/08/2022 22:52

Omg my life telling my mum aged 32 of the abuse from a close family member and the response of what did you expect to do he didn’t it me too !

mylifestory · 14/08/2022 22:55

You should've gone down the toilet with the others.

  • meaning her 2 abortions and 1 miscarriage before me.
I get delightful comments like that daily, hence she is mostly ignored, then wails to anyone who'll listen about how lonely she is (mostly strangers as she has alienated herself from everyone, has no friends.
Currantbun73 · 14/08/2022 22:56

On my wedding day - having had no input into the planning of the wedding, no clue what my dress was like - arrived when i was ready and waiting for the cars and her only comment to me was 'what do you think of my hat'.

Johntoewba · 14/08/2022 22:56

Sister in law got her nans wedding ring. My wife got her birth tag for there 40th birthdays. A more vile horrible woman I have never encountered. SISIL got pregnant before getting married not a problem to any of us but MIL proceeded to inform us throughout our engagement, marriage etc how it was time for her to get married and why are you marrying my daughter? Because I love her you absolute waste of oxygen. We don’t speak anymore because my gorgeous brave wife just said I’ve had enough

Nicola101177 · 14/08/2022 23:05

WalkingOnTheCracks · 12/08/2022 20:38

A while ago there was a thread about unkind and insensitive things said by friends, and I commented that it was the most upsetting thread I've ever read here.

Having read this one, I'd like to amend that earlier comment.

It’s such a weird thing but because this is also my reality it’s almost comforting to know I’m not alone, rather than upsetting. You are very lucky and I hope this thread enlightens you that people you meet every day might be carrying this kind of trauma - the more we share the more we understand xx

Notmorecrapola · 14/08/2022 23:12

So many I could quote and, sadly, one more miscarriage tale.
When I told DM I was pregnant (but wasn’t married to the father) she called me all the names under the sun - I was a slut, a whore, every vile name you can imagine. I later heard her on the phone to my aunt sympathising about my (unmarried) cousin’s pregnancy causing her to feel exhausted with morning sickness. Two faced cow. She also told her friends that she’d have been okay with it if the father had been a white man,, ffs.
When I miscarried, she told me there was “probably something wrong with it”. Didn’t bother to tell her about the second miscarriage funnily enough.

When her MiL died, her reaction was “how could she do this to me?” !!

Demanded that her grandchildren called her ‘grandmama’ wtf? Talk about delusions of grandeur! They didn’t call her that ever.

When I was promoted at work her reaction was “hmm… I suppose there is a brain in there somewhere”

When I was trying to lose the baby weight, looked me up and down and said “well those leggings you’re wearing don’t help”

Loads more but I try not to think about them any more…

Nicola101177 · 14/08/2022 23:24

billycorn · 12/08/2022 22:00

These comments are horrible and clearly meant to hurt the recipient but I do think narcissism is misunderstood.
Narcissism is a very serious psychological disorder, one step down from being a psychopath. It shouldn’t be used to describe someone who is malicious and unkind. It can be so much more insidious/subtle. In my experience, it’s a slow but unrelenting pursuit of trying to control, overpower and if you let it, strips you of all your self esteem and self worth. Flippant, hateful words on their own is not narcissism.
Sadly, the narcissist traits are laid down in child hood, a product of unloving and abusive parent/s. Narcissism shouldn’t be bounded around like this.

Guessing that’s some man-splaining here?

Nicola101177 · 14/08/2022 23:43

SullysBabyMama · 14/08/2022 20:20

Not a quote but my Mum threw a birthday meal for herself on the weekend after her birthday for all our family. That was my birthday. I went as all our family were too busy for my birthday as had already had these plans. Didn’t mention it was my birthday at all or say happy birthday to me. When we were paying my Grandad offered to pay for me as it was my birthday which was nice. But none mentioned it when she blew out candles on her cake etc 😂

That’s terrible.

mylifestory · 15/08/2022 00:07

xJoyfulCalmWisdomx · 13/08/2022 09:02

@Galvanisethis and @Womblingforfree yeh, same with my parents, no empathy and if I tell them they hurt me, they are the victims, and they really believe it. I also got together with a man who behaved in the same way, I was completely disallowed from having any emotional reaction to his hurtful behaviour. He was abusive whereas my mum's style was to collapse in to tears ''you've broken my heart'' so I didn't realise they were the same for a long time, both of them would hurt me, not allow me to either tell them or have any reaction to the hurt they caused and if I tried to tell them to stop, they were the victims of my cold-heartedness. I left him and my parents were helpful to me financially but now they OWN ME. And it's really hard because any boundary is viewed as a lack of gratitude. We're not speaking at the moment and even though I told them it's because they cannot keep projecting paranoid and sensitive on to me, they've told everybody that I'm abusive, shouted at them, that I'm detached from reality, entitled, insane. They really have done a fantastic smear job on me when all I did was stand firm in my own interpretation of events and finally refuse to 'cancel' my own experience that yes, they did hurt me. They have zero empathy but have labelled me cold-hearted!

Anyway............ it is what it is. Jerry Reid, Patrick Teahan, Jerry wise, they got me through it with my sanity intact.

If they can't change u they try to change how other ppl see you with their lies. Always remember that.

chinchin77 · 15/08/2022 00:36

I need to join this - all so very familiar to me!!

When I announced I was pregnant "but I didn't think you wanted children..."
When I told her I was marrying my long term fiancé who had stage 4 cancer "but I didn't think you wanted to get married..."

And never bothered to contact him during his illness - however when we had a separation many years ago she was constantly phoning him to bitch about me.

And the slap on my face when I was 16 "one day you will lose your looks too..."

'You have (Fathers family name" legs - they are like rugby players"

And that's just a snippet. Jesus Christ.

mylifestory · 15/08/2022 00:47

CakesAndCookies · 13/08/2022 12:16

My first period, I was 11.
It was a shock for both of us I guess. I was undeveloped physically, still looked like a young boy , especially with my short hair - which she insisted on.

Me- put the stained pants in the sink in disbelief , called her to come and see.
She - shocked at seeing it, spat at my pants, exclaiming:
"Oh NOOO, You can get pregnant now!!! Just another worry for me! "

I slept with a boy first time in my 20s.
Never managed to get pregnant .

Short hair on young girls, it's a narc thing, they don't want u to be attractive! My mum cut my hair herself until I was 14, she wdnt spend the money on a haircut, she kept utting until it was extremely short and I genuinely believe she thought I was the "doll with hair" she never had ...

mylifestory · 15/08/2022 01:55

Notmorecrapola · 14/08/2022 23:12

So many I could quote and, sadly, one more miscarriage tale.
When I told DM I was pregnant (but wasn’t married to the father) she called me all the names under the sun - I was a slut, a whore, every vile name you can imagine. I later heard her on the phone to my aunt sympathising about my (unmarried) cousin’s pregnancy causing her to feel exhausted with morning sickness. Two faced cow. She also told her friends that she’d have been okay with it if the father had been a white man,, ffs.
When I miscarried, she told me there was “probably something wrong with it”. Didn’t bother to tell her about the second miscarriage funnily enough.

When her MiL died, her reaction was “how could she do this to me?” !!

Demanded that her grandchildren called her ‘grandmama’ wtf? Talk about delusions of grandeur! They didn’t call her that ever.

When I was promoted at work her reaction was “hmm… I suppose there is a brain in there somewhere”

When I was trying to lose the baby weight, looked me up and down and said “well those leggings you’re wearing don’t help”

Loads more but I try not to think about them any more…

My mum announced she wanted to be grand mama too! Hilarious. I said she will call u what she wants. Turned out to be NANS which she hates 😂

containsnuts · 15/08/2022 04:33

This is not a verbal thing but DM tends to copy me which drives me crazy. She's got some of the same household decorations, clothes, shoes, and jewellery. I was wearing a new pair of distinctive coloured earrings and about a week later she had almost identical pair! It's like she won't let me express my individuality and it's suffocating.

Mama2910 · 15/08/2022 06:50

Her DH was diagnosed with cancer (he is fine just now) and one of the first things my mum said was "but, he can't die before me! What would I do? I wouldn't cope!"

Saza123 · 15/08/2022 07:32

Wow!

georgarina · 15/08/2022 07:33

orbitalcrisis · 14/08/2022 19:21

Me: Did you tell everyone that I was lying about you throwing me out?
Her: Yes.
Me: So can I come home then?
Her: No.
Me: Then can you tell them that, nobody will let me stay with them anymore as they think I'm just refusing to go home.
Her: No. What will they think of me if they know I've thrown out my 16 year old daughter?

She now says it never happened and I was having delusions at that time.

Omg this reminds me of my M so much.
I escaped the house by being at school and focusing on my future so she unenrolled me and told everyone I was expelled for violence, while laughing to me that now I had no future.
And the latest heard of her version (before going NC) was 'Oh please, you hated that school and were failing out. I was just trying to help you.'

Thereisnolight · 15/08/2022 07:38

Abra1d1 · 12/08/2022 17:04

Some of these are unpleasant comments but not narcissistic.

Yes I agree. They’re giving a point of view - in some cases a bit odd or skewed but there may be reasons behind it - that the hearer doesn’t agree with.

Thereisnolight · 15/08/2022 07:40

Others though are very unpleasant.

wellstopdoingitthen · 15/08/2022 07:42

cosyteapot · 12/08/2022 16:53

"It's the your responsibility to pay childcare from your own salary. DH's money should be his own as he works bloody hard"

(My mum doesn't like women)

My mum's favourite saying was that "girls should be strangled at birth ". She had 3 daughters & 1 son.

wellstopdoingitthen · 15/08/2022 07:44

Hoppinggreen · 12/08/2022 17:01

When I lost my baby at 12 weeks.
I know you aren’t good at opening up but I think it would be really good for you to talk about this and how you feel. Not to me though, I don’t want to hear about it

I'm so sorry, that is awful

donkeymcdonkface · 15/08/2022 07:51

So many ............
Wearing Birkenstocks with YOUR feet
You are too thick to go to university (said when I was 35 and applying as a mature student
Your place is at home with your children
I dont have a daughter (said to work collegue).

As someone said earlier, its exhausting.......

TullyApplebottom · 15/08/2022 07:57

mylifestory · 15/08/2022 01:55

My mum announced she wanted to be grand mama too! Hilarious. I said she will call u what she wants. Turned out to be NANS which she hates 😂

Show quote history

The thing about names and grandkids is definitely a theme. My mum didn’t want to be grandma - didn’t suit her idea of herself as young and dynamic - so she invented a daft name which my sisters kids use but mine don’t. She insisted on calling DD for years by a shortened version of her name which we dislike and don’t use (and told her so).
about control, of others and of how they see you, I guess

ivfbabymomma1 · 15/08/2022 08:00

My mum once moved out of town to live with her family because when I was pregnant I didn't text her every morning to say I hadn't had a miscarriage over night.

She's normally very level headed, but she couldn't have her own children (I was adopted) so I think her own feelings got the better of her. Still I didn't put up with it and we had our first major fall out.

donkeymcdonkface · 15/08/2022 08:01

'This is my daughter, the ugly one'.
Said at every introduction.

Insertcreativenamehere · 15/08/2022 08:12

@billycorn so true - my experience is very different to most on here, more subtle and passive aggressive but so so damaging for a child.

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