To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

can we do fathers aswell

my dsis is no contact with him now had enough he says i cant belive she wont talk to me after all the things ive paid for -thats what it comes to money

if you even try and argue back it s always i took u in holiday and gave u everything-yeah with dodgy and fraudulent monies im so greatful

he has been there for me but i dont like being thrown back in my face everytime we row its jsut not relevant

the worst one was when my dm died at 57-i broke down a few weks later and all he could say was but she was my wife what about me

a few weeks after thathe moved in with someone else-i wa still grieving as you do but he looked like he couldnt give a toss now he hardly mentions her doesnt want to upset his partner

I think my Mum could be a narcissist. The sad thing is, she’s the ‘good’ parent (for me at least) as my Dad has never liked me. And I love her, but she drives me up the wall at times.

Most recently, my sister in law physically threatened me when I was heavily pregnant at a family weekend. After she’d left, Mum spent the whole weekend complaining that her weekend had been ruined and getting sympathy from our relatives. She didn’t recognise that the thing had happened to me. She never asked my SIL to apologise and spent months telling me that she (SIL) was very mentally ill, so that I’d start speaking to her again and the family wasn’t split up. She told me that SIL was on the brink of suicide. I don’t think this is true.

Whenever anything happens to anyone in the family she emails / texts / calls everyone she knows to elicit sympathy because she likes the attention. She’ll tell your deepest, darkest secrets to someone she barely knows. My siblings and I have all been the subject of emails like this. I’ve read them.

My Dad is elderly and frail, he fell and smashed his head in on the corner of a wooden box (blood everywhere, my bro had to hold his head together, ambulance called, I have never seen anything like it). She didn’t want to go to hospital with him because it was ‘too late’ at 9 or 10pm. She eventually went when my brother looked disgusted by her response because she didn’t want him to think badly of her. She didn’t even stay with Dad. Later, despite being able to take a cab, (and Dad still being treated) she insisted I pick her up at 4am from hospital. I had a 6 week old baby with me, who I had to leave with my partner and pray she didn’t wake up as she’s EBF and very clingy at night.

At the birth of said baby, Mum arrived an hour late. I’d been in labour for 3 days by this point, just constantly contracting but not progressing. I was induced with an epidural in the end after my waters broke and I still hadn’t progressed. Anyway, the point is, I hadn’t slept in three days and was exhausted. When Mum arrived she asked the midwives to clear a space for her as she’d hurt her back. She then did Pilates for thirty minutes. She spent the next 6 hours winning them over and getting tea and biscuits out of them and talking about herself / her new house, etc. When it came time for me to push, the whole thing was delayed for 10 minutes because she wanted to show the midwives photos of her cats. I almost had to have a c-section because of the wasted time (which, it turned out, we needed).

But then, she is super nice to my baby, so it’s hard to tell… maybe just massively selfish? Sorry for the essay… once I get started 😂

Omg finally someone posted this.
’Your idle’ ‘He’s your child you look after him’ while on a ‘family holiday’
and ‘I’m having lunch now in peace don’t come back to the car for another 15 mins’ just some from the past few days then calls me ‘manipulative’

I asked her not to kiss my newborn son repeatedly the day he was born (I hadn't had a chance to hold him a lot of I took a turn after birth". Her response was "you don't interfere in my relationship, and I won't interfere with yours".
4 years later and it's a constant battle.

Just yesterday she told me I was rude for sitting inside out of the sun with my son (he'd had enough sun and I'm pregnant), then send me a nasty text about how I "didn't let my son say bye to his uncle and to her". My son literally went outside, said bye then walked straight to the front door. What does she want me to to, force him to give hugs and kisses (yes, yes she does)

got a few gems from DM.
when I had my first miscarriage (didn’t tell her about the second) I rang her because I wanted to talk to my mum. It was a strange feeling, like I really needed to just talk it through. She was insisting on coming down to visit (I lived some distance away at the time). I said no, it’s ok, I’m fine
and I’m safe but I just wanted to talk. But she said “no, I need to come down…for me”. She then told any stranger she came across during her visit that she was visiting “my daughter, she’s just lost a baby”. I was so embarrassed.
when I was preparing for the birth of DD (I was being induced so could plan a bit) she said “I won’t come and visit straight away, you need time to get over this traumatic event”.
As a teen, she questioned why I didn’t have a serious boyfriend and didn’t talk about sex. She once asked me (I was 17) “are you scared of sex or something? Men do expect it you know!”
when I was getting overwhelmed and stressed during my GCSEs, she told me I was “not the academic type”. I’m currently working on my PhD.
Cherry on top- when I was being bullied at primary school and told her about it, she contacted the headmistress to report…how upset SHE was about a comment the bully made about HER. Not what the bully did to me but how it affected her.
There are so many more I could think of…

I am so sorry this happened to you. What an awful way to be spoken to. You were being thoughtful.

100 this

Oh my god your pregnant.you will not leave this house until I say you can, Months i was in hiding and upstairs whenever visitors came, I was 19 and frightened, I was only allowed out of the house when she decided all her friends were not blaming her when she got round to telling them i was in trouble. My boyfriend was made to leave by her making his life so uncomfortable it tore us apart,Then my fault for being a single parent
When I did get married later on she would wait til my husband would go to work and march down our drive with a hoover to clean our house as it wasnt to her standard,I used to see her car pull up,feel sick and hide behind the sofa, Later on when my son was in school she would volunteer me to help her poor friends and have me clean their houses as they were professional people who deserved to have cleaners not like us and I had to do it for free,. Total Bitch , I told no one. This thread is so cathartic for me,So many memories so sad and for what ?absolutely nothing, She may have had the upper hand once but no more and she knows it,Even last week we were out having dinner she tried it on,picture the scene ..her,me my dd ,4 of her friends having lunch,she would only go out for a meal if me and dd went too to help her walk in the restuarent to meet HER friends,,beautiful lunch met some nice people then before the last knife and fork went down went down she began to gather up everyones plates and stacked them all up and announced please stay put friends cream move these plates now and clear some space take them to the kitchens or something.Keeping me small and insignificant and like a slave, My 10 yr old said no mum wont gran its the staffs job not hers.. I looked at all her friends,smiled and shook my head,they were so embarassed and she knew she had slipped up .she is warped.

My self harming as a teen (14) was discovered by a doctor following a blood test - I'd always kept the wounds concealed and never told a soul because I knew I would be in trouble. My DM turned to me in the surgery after being told what was going on said (when the doctor wasn't looking) " are you trying to blackmail me? " DM was referring to the fact that she had introduced an alcoholic boyfriend with a history of violence against his own family into our lives following my parents divorce and I felt so scared and helpless.
DM threw a venomous wobbler at DH for telling our 4yo DD that I was staying at her house to look after her, when in actual fact it was me that was really poorly following a medical blunder but DH didn't want to worry DD. DM accused him of trying to poison DD against her and that DM was trying to take DD's mummy away from her. DH was gobsmacked and I was trying my best ( barely able to string a sentence together) to stop the argument and get her to see reason. She wouldn't.
MIL is disabled and has very limited mobility. We were all out on a trip for DD birthday and knowing that it bothers my. MIL that she can't be as active with DGC my DM proceeded to hop and skip around in front of her swinging DD around singing " la, la, la " in an obviously mocking way. I was mortified. DM is very jealous of the in laws because they have a really close relationship with DGC.
I went NC with DM for a couple of years - but I felt guilty and couldn't stand the thought of her dying alone. I could tell so many stories about her, but I've just come to accept that she has a histrionic narcissistic personality disorder along with daddy issues!

Jesus. I hope you said “no you can’t. Now piss off, you foul woman.”

Lighthearted - After years of painful narc abuse, I finally accept that DM is more concerned about what strangers think than what her daughter feels. Now well on my journey towards healing, I have learnt to use this to my advantage when I can.

When I moved into my first home with a garden, I wasn't able to afford any gardening equipment. The front lawn grew to about a foot in height. I asked DM if I could borrow some money but the answer was negative. I then played-up how the neighbours must all be judging and wondering what kind of unrefined, poorly educated family I must come from to not be able to look after the lawn (her triggers)! By the weekend, DM bought me a full brand-new gardening starter kit with lawnmower, trimmer, tools - the works!

I could manipulate her into buying me more things but I choose not to. I want to use my new-found powers for good, not evil!

Oh so many of these are so relatable.

I’ve had so many over the years….

‘you can’t go out wearing that, what would people think of me.’
‘no one likes you, you think your ‘friends’ like you?? how could they like you? I know it hurts, but I only tell you these things because I love you. Only your family will love you. You are so difficult to love but I do love you’
when I asked her to meet my fiancé ‘how can I sit with him and talk about how wonderful it is you’re engaged. I mean, how can I recommend YOU to him?’

to me about baby son when she saw his toenails for the first time:
Her: ‘aren’t they strange’
Me: they are DH’s
her : ‘well i suppose he had to inherit something from him, thank god it’s just his toenails’

On my miscarriage, after traumatic time when ex was in court on theft charges "Oh, (friend's daughter) has had 3 miscarriages. Why are you whining?"
On telling her, 50 years after the event, that I'd been sexually abused by the teenage boy she had babysit me, "Are you blaming me or something?"
When her friend's teenage DD had attempted suicide "She only did it to upset her mother?"

@Legrandsophie i can relate on the Tangled front. My husband and I were watching it in disbelief at how much she was like my mum.

My vile DM also told me she should have aborted me. She never loved or liked me.

Whenever someone said I was pretty she always said she was prettier.

She would never work because she was looking after me. Which meant she was off shagging men in the vain hope she would find a better catch.

I apparently made her sick. Just by being around.

Apparently my high academic success means that things are too easy. I found out after her death that her 2 GCSEs were upgraded they were so bad.

My leaving my DS at kindergarten so I could work was leaving him with strangers and yet she never babysat once.

I was a size 12, she thought I was much much bigger. She was at least a size 20.

My DS not returning to private school was hard for her to get used to!

Every single thing had to be about her. She thought she could say and do as she liked. If she was found out or pulled up on it she would be upset. Wailing and screaming. It was ridiculous.

The worst thing about having a mother like her was that I felt inadequate. Everyone else had decent mothers who cared for them.

I hated her then and even though she is dead I hate her still.

This is so sad. I am so sorry you were made to feel like this as a child.

When I had a heart condition and called her to tell her I was in the coronary care unit.
Her response- I'm getting my hair permed today

This oh and how she is a saint for joining me in my birth and she wouldn’t do it for anyone else but me - when then truth is she was there to keep her quiet and from ruining my daughters birth day and she was horrific during the birth. Ie when I had an epidural it was horrendous for her and they shouldn’t have read out the risks in front of her
laughably when a midwife asked me if I was comfy an hour before my birth my mum said yes as she thought it was aimed at her. It always made me laugh but she says I’m not allowed to tell anyone 😂😂

Omg this! My mum thinks my dd is a possession constantly threatens to out me to her father for various made up things.
when my ddd grew up to have a mind of her own my mum didn’t like it and if my dd told her she disagreed my mum wold cry or shout or use guilt. When I stopped contact I’m controlling my daughter and poisoning her mind against her. She’s even threatened legal action and covertly recorded me

My mum told me that she knew she had been a bad mother because of the way I have turned out. I am happily married with two lovely kids and a career! She then went on to say she has planned where she is going to throw herself off a cliff. Go ahead as far as I am concerned.

Thank you, that's very kind. I'm sorry to hear you have had similar experiences and I hope you are now able to have the happiness you deserve.

My Mum hated my then fiancée with a passion, he’d never done or said anything to cause this hatred but he came from the “wrong side of town” and she made life so difficult we split up and she often says how clever she was as she’d broken up our relationship. Second time around my now DH (different man) stood up to her when she made a comment about our house being the worst looking one on the street and basically told her to fuck off out of our house. She sulked for months, stopped inviting us round for meals, made sarcastic comments etc until I’d had enough and also stood up to her, her defence was “no-one speaks to me like that” my response “who do you think you are? The queen?” I’d then told her that if she carried on it would force me to pick a side and she’d lose as I’d pick my DH’s and we would go NC and she’d not see her grandson again - it worked and she backed off. Growing up she constantly told me I was a nothing and a nobody and I’d never amount to much, it’s really affected me and I have an eating disorder and such low self esteem, but according to her my childhood was picture perfect and it was her that had the awful time growing up

@Lordylord1 I'm sorry you're going through this. I only realised the last week or so that she's a narcissist. From the get go it's been a constant battle of her not knowing her place (making comments like "I can't believe he's ours"). She got his name tattooed on her and didn't tell me.
My sister had a baby recently and luckily has been able to set boundaries as they're not local.

I'm pregnant now and my son has become very clingy, just wanting me and saying he wants to go home a lot. My mum takes this very personally and asks if people have been saying things to him. He tells my mum she can't come to our house (he also says this to my partner - not his dad), but my mum says he shouldn't say it to her because she's family. I explained to her my partner is family, we're having a baby but she cannot accept that.
Sadly I think my only saving grace this time round is she doesn't like my partner so in turn may not be so attached to my second child.

Some of these are unpleasant comments but not narcissistic
Agree. Much overused term on MN. Thoughtless, insensitive, selfish.

Narcissism is a whole other level.

Ha ha ! Took me ages to realise why l always hot do triggered my M. Once l realised there was narcissism with a side of autism it changed everything.
I now just smile and let it pass.