To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

Happened just yesterday. Parents and DSis over for BBQ. DF (80) tells DH and I that his heart tests came back very bad and he only has 25% heart function so is being put on medication ahead of possible surgery.

DM interrupts to turn the conversation into how much she’s been struggling in the heat.

She has major form for being an Elevenerifer when it comes to misery. Now even heart failure isn’t allowed to trump her.

Walks through Mothers front door…
”oh my god, you’ve put on weight, are you pregnant”…..
😩😩🥺

It is hard to come to terms with our mothers when things have gone so wrong.
Mothers are up on that Hallmark pedestal of doing no wrong and having negative thoughts, even totally valid and justified thoughts are hard to deal with.
It has helped me learning about the "mother wound".

My mother said this about my brothers fiancée; I wanted the floor to open up as the poor girls mother heard every word; I told my mother not to be so cruel or so vain, such a spiteful woman

@cosyteapot same re ending of a message.. exhausting isn't it :(

Wedding day " I would have though you would have lost weight for today ( I was size 12) . I was super slim and so dainty when I married your father. I wore a dress half the size of yours.
People will think you are pregnant "

"You're not a natural mother, you're not very motherly at all, I was meant to be a mother"

She told me this while I was pregnant.

That's awful! You have the patience of a saint, I'd be tempted to reply "Yes, it's all about you. Sorry if I've let you down by deliberately having acne..."

Me: Did you tell everyone that I was lying about you throwing me out?
Her: Yes.
Me: So can I come home then?
Her: No.
Me: Then can you tell them that, nobody will let me stay with them anymore as they think I'm just refusing to go home.
Her: No. What will they think of me if they know I've thrown out my 16 year old daughter?

She now says it never happened and I was having delusions at that time.

My own mother has decided to cut me out of my life, and my son for 3 years because I asked her for money she was due to pay me. I became pregnant with my daughter, she hasn’t once said congratulations or how are you, then she finally gets in touch asking me stay with her for a week or say, I decide to build bridges but the week I’m supposed to go baby girl ends up in hospital. I send her pics to show how poorly she was.

I don’t hear from her for months, and then I get. Can you tell your brother to hurry up and get married?

I give up.

My 24 year old DD was taken into hospital after having quite a bad seizure, apparently it was my fault as we don't always eat breakfast and I should force her to eat

When I was about 14 the Electric Light Orchestra were playing at Wembleý, all of my friends were going, I was really close to my Uncle on my Dads side so he got us both a ticket and said that if someone was willing to swap seats he had no problem letting me sit near my friends/meet them before and after
As you can imagine I was on my best behaviour only for her to tell me 30 minutes before we were leaving that she was going instead. My Uncle tried to reason with her, she screamed at him that I was an ungrateful little bastard and that they were going and that was the end of it
He never spoke to her again, my Dad was raging when he came back from a business trip and Andy White who was in my class bought in a glow stick and a programme for me the next day in school
She did it because she could, she didn't even like ELO

There's loads more

MIL refused to invite us to her and FIL 25th wedding anniversary party as our newborn DD would have stolen the limelight from her

Then flounced round to our house 2 days after the party to meet DD for the first time (3months old) with no mention of said party but did proceed to tell us how much she thought DD looked like her !!

Yes it's odd how women seem to despise other women. My MIL used to say she was so glad she had two boys - apropos of nothing usually. I reminded her that it was insulting to both of us! She was OK generally. My DM saw everything in terms of herself and how it affected her. But she'd had a lousy war as a little girl so I tried to ignore. MIL had 'such fun' with the Canadian airmen who frequented her tea van!

My MIL is such a narcissist it's taken me a long time to realise. We went NC for a while but she went to every family member on DH's side (including DH's dad's side even though DFIL is deceased and they were divorced 30 years ago) and my parents, telling them how awful DH is and needs MH counselling. Our crime was not responding to her batshittery.

DH's SB and SS no longer speak to him and when MIL was gushing about them to us, DH said he didn't want to hear about them as SS hasn't acknowledged our 1 year old DD exists. Her response was "Yes she does, anyway they're both very angry about the way YOU TREATED ME".

Also any time she can't win an argument she threatens suicide, like jumping in front of cars or crashing into a motorway bridge.

I genuinely thought it was just my Mum! There are times I think I should go NC but it’s not a daily occurrence, so I excuse the behaviour.

I’ve so many but when talking about my wedding day, she said she was so upset because nobody had said how great SHE looked.

It mentally exhausts me to the point I have to let stuff go, which really annoys my DH.

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry x

Wow, most of these are breathtakingly awful. Makes you wonder why some women ever decide to give birth. Maybe cos they feel it's expected of them.

Agree

Reading these are frightening and very sad

Philip Larkin's poem:
They fuck you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to but they do.
They will you with the faults you had
And add some extra just for you.

FILL you with the faults.... !

So many of the awful things other posters mothers have said totally resonate- always comments about my weight and body, always telling me I am unreasonable or too sensitive when I needed any support or expressed upset at her behaviour. Simply never ever being good enough no matter what I did. And I definitely relate to all of my special occasions being hijacked by her.

I recently went NC with my mother after realising she was a narc. At first I doubted whether I was doing the right thing, but since her absence the overwhelming sense of peace and the total lack of tension and anxiety I used to feel when she called or wanted to come round has reassured me I was right.

I highly recommend NC to any posters here still undecided about keeping their emotional vampires in their lives

Oh good someone full of sympathy and delightful has come along to look down on everyone and ask why are you in touch with your abusers? You’re right @iRun2eatCake - life really is that simply. How ridiculous everyone is compared to you.
In a place where people are quite clearly sharing some pretty shitty things is your first response to shame them? Have a word with yourself.

I feel I can’t cut contact with my mum the guilt would be too much of a burden on me I would again be suffering because of her

but I now keep a safe distance I know my boundaries I tell her very little and we see her once a month if that

my mother’s laziness has enabled me to break away for others it’s not so easy (and I only have siblings on my fathers side)

Sister was in hospital and scared. I rang to ask her to visit her (lives 10 mins from hospital) .
Mum : ‘you’re making me feel bad, I’m not bad, your sisters not perfect you know’

She rocks up and stays 15 mins, leaving as her boyfriend booked dinner and she was going to be late.

I get a text : ‘I left because everyone was looking at me thinking I was a bad mother. It’s because you told them you needed to call me to get me there’

……

My brother (her favourite while we were growing up) got discarded at around 17 yrs. He tried to take his own life.
I bump into her …
Me: did you visit (brother) ?
Mum: (angrily) No, I’ve been feeling unwell, not that anyone cares about me.

Some of it is beyond belief.
My sister normalises it to appease her and I’ve been no contact for years now.

I’m just thankful that I’m not like her. I wish I had a mum that I could love though. 😢

Having just disclosed to my mother that my (now ex) DH was being abusive to me and I asked for her help to leave, she told me I was making it all up l, he's a lovely man "as far as I'm concerned" and to "get a grip" as she's far too busy to help with looking after the kids while I sorted practicalities. "I have a new Latin course to attend and need to keep up my choir practice, so no dear."