To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

Many of these are so so awful and mine nowhere near as bad but just remembered when we were considering moving for a few years to DH’s home country (not far , easy journey) I received a long text about how hurt she was and especially because ‘I will essentially have foreign grandchildren’

My god. This is exactly like my MIL. There is no conversation. It’s a one way street. Everything is about her. Known her 20 odd years and she doesn’t know the first thing about me. I thought it was just her, seems there are others😣

Not about my DM (although she certainly did have pronounced narc traits, just not as extreme as most PPs on this thread), but an older woman I met in a hotel pool when DD was about 2y. She gushed and gushed about how pretty DD was (tbf, she was very cute when she was 2y) and how she wished her granddaughter was as pretty as my DD and could she take a photo of my DD, please, so that she could show her daughter what a pretty little granddaughter might look like, instead of the ugly one she had. Her poor daughter! 😔

When I was giving birth to my 1st child at 16
'For gods sake be quiet and stop making such a fuss. It doesn't hurt that much, it looks like your faking it'.

She had a c section 😐

Safe to say she wasn't in the room the next time a gave birth.

That’s horrible behaviour, poor you. I think you were being very thoughtful.

I could have given you up like my mother did.
I'm your mum (meaning we owe it to her to do what she wants)
If you don't all start pulling your weight im leaving (to me aged 13 and my younger siblings)
When you are adults I'm going to come to your house and mess it up like you mess my house up (again we were children)
My mum always believed my brother xxx so I will never believe you unless you prove me wrong.

Heated discussion - very rare as I normally keep quiet.
Me: I disclose that “I have been on antidepressants for over 20 years and had days and days worth of talk therapy”
mother: “havent we all” 😳
😢😢😢

My mum had my newborn whilst I attended the inquest into my best friends death.

I texted for an update (I was needing reassurance, very anxious time).

she went absolutely off at me about trust and how it made HER feel.

My mother is a covert narcissist.
Plays the victim to the ppoint of Munchausens for supply.
Full of passive agressive behaviour and words.

Latest was " Do realise what a great daughter you have- I was not so lucky."
Referring to my 22 yo DD, and her grand daughter.
So many barbed thoughts in there.

DSD mum, when she broke up with her boyfriend for the 20th time, said to DSD(13) “he was the only good thing in my life, I just want to die”

‘ ooh I’ve just given birth to my second child. We’re a proper family now. Oh you can’t have any more can you? I feel sorry for you’.

On my birthday
Her: Do you feel old now?
Me : not really.
Her: Well I feel old, having a daughter as old as you🙄

She constantly says how she knows she wasn’t the best mum, then leaves an awkward silence while she waits for me to say she was awesome… 😂

That has to be the most evil thing ever spoken to a child. I could cry for you.

When after my Dad died two years aggo she finally admitted she had known my Dad knocked me about from whenI was six
Me
'How could you let it happen, Mum'?
Mum
'Dont you think i had a word with him'?
Me
'No. Why did he do it'?
Mum
'You were always such a weird, cheeky child. He didnt know how to get you to behave'

I feel so sad for five year old me.

Had a complete meltdown when she had to delay her trip to see me because I caught covid (at the time when the whole house had to isolate). Her feelings had been hurt because I texted instead of calling straight away.

I was three weeks post partum, in a heatwave, with covid. She didn't once ask how me or the baby were doing.

When she did make it she told me she'd never seen my ass so big 🙃

Hey did anyone else's mother refer to themselves as "mummy" to their grandchildren, and call you "granny" in front of them? Or was that just mine? Back when I still believed she didn't have bad intentions I used to gently correct her and she'd be like "yes yes" and just keep on doing it, so I stopped saying anything. I thought I was picking my battles - I was just delaying them.

I'm supposed to go and see her next week. I've been NC for 7 years but apparently now she has memory loss and her friend wants help getting her to the doctor. Ha, good luck. If she remembers who I am, there's zero percent chance she will do anything I suggest...

Have you got one of your face treatments on again? God knows, you need them!

It is much further to Australia than to Asia to be fair

So interesting to read this thread- thanks OP for starting it.
Narcissistic parents are so common and it takes a lot of courage to reflect on our mothers and the impact they have.
My father became terminally ill in my teen years. Apart from my mother we had no other relatives around. I have a sister, but a large age gap and she emigrated when I was 11.
My mother went to pieces and I was the only one to caretake. My father died after a few years and I had to arrange everything, contact relatives, organise the funeral.
Neighbours and friends visited and while my mother was in her chair I was told to sort out the endless pots of tea and biscuits for visitors.
I was very close to my father, but my mother made it clear that it was her husband who died, with a total lack of awareness that I had also lost my father and was hurting inside.
It is a struggle to be close to my mother. The universe spins around her.
I had surgery when I was in my 20s, nothing serious, but enough to feel rubbish for a week or so.
My mother's response was to be really upset that she had a daughter having surgery. Ditto with my divorce- weeks of tears. She never expected to be the "mother of a divorcee"- despite the abuse I had suffered.
My mother has had a complete empathy bypass.

It's interesting hearing these (terrible) examples. The thing is, I don't remember my mum ever having a conversation with me. As a child, she would tell me I was wicked (I wasn't, I was a quiet, well-behaved child because I was so terrified of her), and she would lose her temper and shout at me for whatever misdemeanour she had imagined, but she never ever listened, or hugged me, or really showed any interest, that I can remember. She was happy to take credit for anything I achieved though - and I turned into a perfectionist over-achiever through trying so hard to please her.
As someone else said, I feel sorry for my childhood self, and I have tried to bring up my children in the opposite way. She died many years ago and set me free, and I am sad for her that all I felt was relief.
The thing was though, she was good with my kids, although she died when they were young and I wonder if the emotional blackmail she would inevitably imposed would have caused them to turn against her in the long run.....

My mum was staying with me in my flat in London and I had to go to work. I'd been suffering with sciatica and had fallen over several times as my legs went numb. I fell down the stairs on my way out and she literally picked me up and pushed me out the door because she 'didn't have time for this, I'm going to the Tate today.' I ended up in hospital two hours later as I fell again outside work...

She now denies this ever happened, as with everything else she ever did.

I don’t think my mother is necessarily narcissistic, although she has some quite unsavoury traits, but she was fond of telling me, “don’t have children, they’ll ruin your life”.

Charming.

my mil always comments on my weight. I gave birth 2 weeks ago. A week ago she said to me ‘oh you look like you’re slimmer now after having the babies (twins), you look more like you did when you were 18.’ I’m 36 now. Why the hell should I look how I did at 18 after having twins. I just generally hate comments on weight. I think it’s unnecessary. And why is that her focus a week after I birthed her twin grand babies!

Mine would ignore me for weeks as a teenager if I ‘upset’ her. She tried doing it to me as an adult and I’d always have guilt because ‘it’s your mum’ when she’d rock up after sulking like nothings happened. I’ve decided I don’t need this toxic controlling person in my life and have now not spoken to her since June 2020 - best thing I ever did!

Garethswaistcoat that sounds so hard- and I can relate. You deserved better. Like you I have made a big effort with my own children to make sure they don't go though such negative experiences.
We still have healing to do ourselves though, and that is always an option.