Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@Becky6758 given the information I have to you, can you tell me what the ‘plenty of solutions are that’
A. Means I’m not spending hundreds or thousands of £, or
B. Not leaving my children with complete strangers

I don't understand why the husband would go NC?. It's not his family?

@IfOn she has said she doesn't want to but also said no rooms for kids as they hadn't booked them
Why is no onus in the brother ? He chose a childfree wedding , so he needs to accept that there childcare has fallen through and be a grownup
Why can't he now say ok the kids can come or is it only OP expected to be inconvenienced

Drip feeding doesn't help. A leg injury that precludes driving is pretty pertinent information to leave out of the first post!

Exactly this. Plus she’s already been to a previous wedding of his.

Take the kids with you, DH stays with them at the hotel/in the park/wherever, while you attend the wedding alone.

You just can’t go. There’s no way in hell I’d drag a 5 year old 700 miles to play in a park while you nip to a church service.

OP, you aren’t being at all difficult or unreasonable, it’s just one of those things.

Yeah, must be a really tiny village with only one hotel available.

*It’s all excuses.

the word you’re looking for is ‘reasons’*

Absolutely LOVE this OP!

Can’t believe the people saying you are just making excuses.

I think in your shoes I would offer to get a train up IF someone else who is going to the wedding can come and get you from the station (and drop you back at the station after the wedding). Sounds like this would probably mean two very long round trips for someone, and I doubt your Dbro will be able to find anyone who’s willing or able to do it. But at least you’ve offered.

If the brother really wanted her there he'd have just let his nieces and nephews come too.

If you don’t go there is every chance your dh will go nc with you as well

That would be staggeringly unreasonable and tbh anyone who would go no contact over this sounds like a massive pain anyway.

(Assuming you meant DB, rather than H).

At the risk of sounding precious, I don’t want to leave my kids with a stranger, registered child care or not.

@IfOn you've never been to the Highlands have you

@SleeplessInEngland not really and personally I wouldn't drive 350 miles incl rural scotland on my own anyway, the OP had made plans they have now fallen through
Risk you take when you have a childfree wedding is that parents may not be able to come
Sister included as it was ok to not include niece / nephew in the wedding anyway it was always a chance it could happen

For those who say it is "only" 350 miles, thats a one way journey. So 700 miles total. Would people really travel 700 miles on hardly any sleep? That's ignoring the fact that OP is injured and cannot drive.

I am baffled by all these aggressive posts. OP isn't giving out excuses, these are all genuine and reasonable reasons for not being able to make the journey. Because the childcare fell through.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I hope your brother understands. And that your leg gets better and you enjoy the holiday.

he's suggested you send your children to a house where someone is seriously ill with COVID. Shitty and unfair on the ill person and his wife, shitty and unfair on your children, shitty and unfair on you and your husband if they get ill.

He doesn't like you or care about you. He's just enjoying the power trip.

Like FUCK would I be going.

Have not read whole thread OP but of course you should go to DB's wedding. Why not go all of you and your DP can do childcare for the actual wedding, then take turns with you afterwards if he wants to, or just you go to the whole thing. I can't see why you are making an issue out of this.

I would be honest - ‘ I’d love to be there dh, but I can’t leave such young children with strangers all day and with our childcare now very ill with covid, we are out of options. Can you possibly ask someone to live stream the wedding so we can see you getting married? The dc, dh and I will see you soon to celebrate in person. Good luck tomorrow. Hugs and kisses op xx

*db

No transport that doesn't cost ££££.
No room at the hotel.
Random babysitter.
Leg injury.

It's simply not practical.

I don't understand the angst.

How are you ‘flummoxed’? It’s a good 5.5 hour drive. Wedding is at noon. So have to set off at 5.30am tomorrow or stay tonight and leave during the night do.

How is that flummoxing?

Why would you want to take your DC on a 350 mile road trip so they can play in a different park with DH. I’m sure they would love that!

Child free second wedding, I wouldn’t be rushing to go if childcare fell through. Doesn’t sound if you see him much anyway.

I don't have a solution OP but having been brought up in the "arse end of the Scottish Highlands" myself I think you're getting a hard time from posters who have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to get around
Absolutely right. Years ago in my group of friends two of them went home to see family on the same day. It took less time for one to get to Pakistan than it did for the other to get to Wick, from Glasgow. And Glasgow to Wick is a pretty straightforward journey compared to some!

There are alternative hotels. Camping , travel lodges. Etc.
She s nice weekend of itwith the kids. And you go to the wedding everyone is happy

@IfOn its the highlands they won't have a string of premier inns and a wedding taking place , hotels do get booked up
Do you know where the highlands are even ?