Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

I am always curious

This issue aside OP, how do you otherwise get on with you brother?

Yes, it's a dickish thing to exclude them in the first place, but there is a very easy solution to this if he actually wanted his sister there. Rather than just having an excuse to be horrible to/about her.

This is why you should read the whole thread, or at least the OP's replies

I think excluding your nieces or nephews from your wedding is pretty shitty, I'd have declined the invite if my siblings or in laws pulled such a stunt. If they want a family wedding with their family there they don't get to cherry pick members from the same immediate family. Just don't go. Second wedding anyway, you've seen him get married once 🤭, just say you'll come to the next one.

just don't go. your own DB saying you can't bring your DC to his wedding is unreasonable. We are not talking about pets here. I wonder what they will think when they have kids themselves. Also to be "pissed off"? Shame on them.

The responses on here are from that classic MN demographic that lives in London or the SE and doesn’t even have to think before spending £1k.

The goady fuckers are having a convention on this thread.

Either that or some are too stupid to comprehend basic English or to be bothered to actually read the thread.

Some people have a really bizarre way of getting their kicks. <shudder>

Camping?
Seriously, why should she go to all that effort, I don't get it.

OMFG!

Hebhasnt organised ‘child care’ it’s a few mates I’ve never met or heard of. Would you leave your kids with them?

Plane/train and taxi will cost £1,000

No I don’t want to drag my kids on a 700 mile round trip, paying several hundreds pounds for another hotel room, to essentially sit about waiting for me to finish something they aren’t invited to.

If you have a child-free wedding you have to expect that some people with children won't be able to go. You've done your best make arrangements, these have now fallen through so it's just not going to be possible. If it was really so important to your brother for you to be there he would wave the rules and allow his niece and nephew to attend (along with their cousin - his child) - making it an adult-only affair clearly trumps this desire. I wouldn't give it any more headspace.

Could all of you go to wherever the wedding is but just you go to the wedding and make a little mini break of it after the wedding? Bit of a dose I know but I'd hate to miss my brothers wedding

I agree that you don’t really want to go, and never wanted to in the first place. And perhaps a bit offended the kids aren’t a invited. All perfectly reasonable. The only unreasonable thing is that you won’t admit it, to yourself or to us!

Have a nice weekend with your DH and kids and ignore any guilt trips from your brother.

You could present them with the facts

Say take train - last minute train would cost £300 or so

If someone can pay that plus collect you from the station and drop you back, then it's possible. (My parents would drive the 2 hours to collect me I am sure)

If no one will collect you or pay extra for train, then you can't come.

"You AT LEAST need to add a few hundred ££ to your brothers wedding gift to reimburse him for bailing out last minute. Clearly you could make it work but aren't interested in inconveniencing yourself in the slightest. So at least make up for the money he wasted on you."

When you are hosting an event you should consider the needs of your guests. The brother didn’t do that. What has happened is on him.

There really isn't an aibu though

Your childcare has fallen through, you don't want to go/can't go as a result of that so own it - let your brother be pissed off if that's how he wants to play it

You can't help that, leave him to it

Yes I have, several times 🤣🤣🤣

Is ‘just go on your own’ the new ‘cancel the cheque’? Am I gonna be famous?! 😂

That's nice.

And what's that got to do with the OP having looked into various options and decided it's not worthwhile?

I didn't go to my second brothers wedding either.

For many of us on here and in the real world, it's really no big deal to not attend a sibling's nuptials.

LOL!

I really don’t get why is that big of a deal to get the train on your own, it’s a family wedding so someone could collect you from a nearby station and your DH stays with the kids.
It’s easily do able.
You just don’t want to do it.

I find this thread bonkers as well.

Though IME people can be very lacking in understanding about lack of childcare.

I travel widely using public transport and have when DH was in a wheelchair and on then crutches - it's much hard and a crap shoot if other people are considerate -plus train strike are cause. PP who do know the highlands seem to think it's even harder up there.

The only real option is for them all to go and her DH and kids do something else but that depends on having more money to throw at the wedding and there being other accommodation - Op doesn't want or have the money to spend and accommodation doesn't seem certain.

So YANBU - you gave it a good try unexpected illness happened to you and your babysitters. It may lead to a deterioration in the relationship you have with this brother - but I don't think you have any real options here.

Take the children and your dh stays with them at the hotel.They will have paid for your space

I think you're brother is being unreasonable not allowing his sisters kids in the first place. I can understand no kids that belong to friends etc but his own neice/nephew? They're family!

PP are getting antsy because literally nothing is sacred anymore. People cancel for all sorts of reasons even to funerals. It comes across very very flakey to some.
In ops case the drive is ridiculous, rules about kids etc makes it all very difficult genuinely. They are not close so why should she, would db move heaven and earth for her? Not sure he would really. You should have declined from the outset

How far away is the venue from the station?
I’m struggling to see how it’s a 1k cost and how you could consider getting a flight to Inverness but not a train to inverness or a closer, smaller station.
as an adult you are at liberty to make the decision that it’s too difficult or too expensive. I do think it’s going to cause a rift but it doesn’t sound like you are close anyway