Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@NewYorkLassie both of which they can't do , but would you not expect maybe your brother to invite his niece and nephew anyway or accept that as childcare has fallen through then him having a child free wedding means that will happen

It really is quite unbelievable.

YANBU
It's a massive ask of your DB
I always weigh up the pros and cons of a situation but can't see any pros for you, especially as you're injured which will be painful
It's a long journey and even if you could go by train( very expensive) and Taxi( even more costly)
Plus there is a train strike!
Your DB has no right to be pissed off

Could you all go with the kids so your partner can drive, then your partner and kids stay in the hotel or go out for the day and you just go to the actual wedding by yourself?

She’s already answered this.

@IfOn you certainly won't be any help to the OP if you haven't bothered to read her thread. She's explained it all.

Jeezo, what is with some people on this thread.

All go and ask the hotel to arrange a babysitter for some of the time and flit in and out. I'm sure they will be happy to oblige.

@IfOn except for the fact they don't have rooms booked for the kids
Maybe the brother should accept have a childfree wedding means that sometimes people can't make it, why would you not invite your siblings kids anyway? Knowing the distance and logistics is hard enough

I don't have a solution OP but having been brought up in the "arse end of the Scottish Highlands" myself I think you're getting a hard time from posters who have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to get around.

The nearest train station might be 100 miles away, buses can take over an hour to go 30 miles as they go into every village and clachan along the way. Taxis cost a fortune and take ages as most roads are twisty single carriageway with few opportunity to overtake the multitude of caravans/campers clogging up the roads at this time of year.

If you can't go, you can't go and your "D"B needs to either accept that or agree that your kids can come at least for a while. Later on maybe you and DH can take turns in the room with them. Could you ask granny/auntie to watch them for half an hour so you and DH can have a dance etc?

Ah yes sorry, there were a lot of pages to go through!!

It’s all excuses.

the word you’re looking for is ‘reasons’

of course you can leave DH and get a train & a taxi but you won’t. There’s a difference.

That would cost about £1,000 to get there on public transport. I ca t afford that

Your DH can go up and go out with the kids but you won’t.

No, I won’t take him to essentially be a babysitter while I go to a wedding alone and meet them afterwards. I think that’s an unreasonable expectation of anyway. I’d NEVER do that to a loved one.

Your brother has arranged childcare but you won’t use it.

Would you leave your two children with total strangers?

You Cant get to your brothers wedding because of a bad leg but can go on holiday to turkey with it

No, I can’t drive with a bad leg. I don’t need to drive to get to Turkey

Completely this.

@clarrylove what the same hotel that hasn't even got room and what hotels do you go to that arrange babysitting its not the 1980's

I DID! And she said no she wont sit through the wedding without her husband so what are you on about?? It's not that she CAN'T, she WON'T. Is there no difference between the 2 words?

There are two strands to this:

The first being that wedding couples that have child free weddings or go overseas have to expect that everyone will be able to come. The more restrictions in place - the less likely it is guests will be able to attend, so this is on Db I am afraid.

In your position however, I would drive up and stay over night with dh and dc, I would attend the church service only whilst dh is playing with dc and then head home. Stopping somewhere on the way back that is fun for children. That is precisely what I would do.

If you don’t go there is every chance your dh will go nc with you as well

i wouldn’t feel obliged to make it happen if the logistics are really impossible

Exactly this. It's a massive inconvenience, just don't go.

OP, sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make someone else you LOVE comfortable. Unless it would sit well you to have to miss your DB's wedding?

That works both ways. It doesn't sound like the brother even considered for a second just having the children at the wedding. It's just a wedding, having a couple of kids won't make anyone explode. And equally, as it's just a wedding, missing it isn't the end of the world either. Why do people get so worked up about weddings?? She's tried to go, she can't, it's unfortunate but that's life.

I'd message your DB. You're completely stuck, and if the kids can't come to the wedding then neither can you.

I honestly can't be done with people who have child free weddings and then get huffy when people can't sort childcare out.

It’s a ‘hard no’ apparently - his fiancée had a bit of a falling out with her sister because of the child-free thing so if I brought the kids he said all hell would break loose with her family! Which I suppose is fair enough, but equally not my problem either! This is the pitfalls of a child free wedding

The hotel is full.

Honestly this thread is bonkers.

I have read the OP's comments.

So she could go on her own, DH would look after the DC, but she doesn't want to?

Is that the gist of it?

Surely the above is the only option now?

@IfOn you suggested taking the kids. She's already explained there is no available room in the hotel for them. Twice.

As someone else said, tell your brother the only way for you to come is if you all go, DH plus DCs, then the ball is in his court.
He sounds hard work so I wouldnt feel bad in your shoes. Child free weddings are a stupid idea IMO.

You Cant get to your brothers wedding because of a bad leg but can go on holiday to turkey with it.

OP hasn’t said that. She’s said she can’t drive 350 miles with a bad leg. That’s not unreasonable. I can’t drive further than about 20 miles without being in agony, but I still have holidays.

I wouldn’t go, @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet . It’s unfortunate that your childcare has fallen through but there’s nothing you can do about it. I wouldn’t be putting my kids through a 700mile round trip so they could have a day with their dad, either. You can do that at home.

You AT LEAST need to add a few hundred ££ to your brothers wedding gift to reimburse him for bailing out last minute. Clearly you could make it work but aren't interested in inconveniencing yourself in the slightest. So at least make up for the money he wasted on you.