Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Ok, I'm assuming that transport issues preclude this.

YES SHE HAS!

There must be some serious Bridezillas that have found this thread OP. It’s them not you.

I’ve checked planes - I could get Leeds to Inverness with a layover in Dublin. Its leaving Leeds tonight, staying over in Dublin and making it to Inverness for 10am tomorrow. Then I wouldn’t be able to get back til Sunday because then again I’d need an overnight in Dublin. After flights and hotels etc I’d be looking at £1,000. That’s not something I can afford right now

Sorry if this has already been answered - I can't see it anywhere. Why can't the whole family drive up and then just you go to the wedding? I get you don't want to do that, but its you're looking for solutions it would be one?

If it was my brother I would be moving heaven and earth to get there by leaving my partner at home with the kids and going on my own, or taking the kids and having my partner look after the kids there.

Some of the comments on here are rediculous. Can you imagine how much a train/taxi travelling 350 miles would cost and people saying find a way probably don't have children and a bad leg. Most of the comments are mental to be honest. Op you are not BU!

She has. She can't drive. Train and taxi are not possible. The hotel is fully booked so her kids can't come.

Why are people continuing to give OP a hard time without even bothering to read her answers.

If you have a child free wedding that includes banning nephews and nieces this is a risk you take. He needs to suck it up.

You are being as difficult as possible about this. It doesn't sound like you like your brother anyway. He's not the one at fault here. You are. Own it. It doesn't sound like you care anyway.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but you could take the offered childcare and its a real shame you don't have any close friends or family who can help you out, refusing to split the children up for 3 days is ridiculous and if it's so important to ensure their happiness you'd go for less time. And you are honestly telling us there's no way you could coordinate the logistics to get a train up the country and meet family members somewhere for a lift the rest of the way. Sorry but you just sound like you're making excuses. To avoid a PITA wedding for someone you don't care about anyway.

@Becky6758 have you actually read
She can't drive as a leg injury and public transport not available
I also would not leave my children with someone I have never met and don't know , don't think many people would ??

Hop you're ok for Turkey.

Is that a purposeful pun @Maireas

Can't believe the amount of people saying why can't SIL just do it. No way would I want someone who lives with someone with COVID to look after my kids, plus it's pretty obvious if he is ill she will have her hands full.

Your brother is being bang out of order, it's clear you don't have many options due to the circumstances he's created, he should be being gracious.

I can't believe you'd even consider that OP when your brother is so inconsiderate.

Putting yourself in a box and sending yourself by courier is a thought though

*for the avoidance of doubt, this is NOT a serious suggestion!

@ZenNudist why is Op being difficult , not many people will leave their kids with total strangers , who could be anyone ? Also what anout the brother his own niece / nephews not invited , when did he consider his sister in his choice
Totally a choice to have a childfree wedding but you have to accept that may make it difficult for some
Im surprised so many people would just leave their kids with complete strangers for the day

YANBU, I wouldn't go. You made genuine, appropriate childcare and accommodation plans, and it's now fallen through. There's a limit to the amount of effort I'd put in to attend a wedding, and this goes beyond that.

Plus he could have said "oh just bring the kids!" if it was that important to him. OP shouldn't be the only one bending over backwards to make it work. It's fine to have a child free wedding, but you can't get pissy at people who have childcare issues.

You'd leave your children with people you nor they have ever met?

@Underhisi exactly that , some on here must live in another universe seeing only the OP at fault

Why should the op fork out for planes trains and fucking automobiles when her brother couldn't even add his nephews/nieces to his wedding party list. If you want your families support learn to support them. I would never not invite my siblings children to my wedding. Just all feels a bit cold personally. Don't bend over backwards for one day its not worth it.

I am sorry for your situation, but what close family member DB doesn’t want DS children invited to wedding.

You are being as difficult as possible about this. It doesn't sound like you like your brother anyway. He's not the one at fault here. You are. Own it. It doesn't sound like you care anyway

Seriously?

He is having a child-free wedding in the Highlands, which are not that easy to get to. He has chosen to exclude his niece/nephew.

The OP has no childcare.
She cannot drive.
There is no sensible public transport.
Her BIL is ill. With Covid. And they are going away soon so don't want to catch it.

The easy solution would be for the brother to allow the children (who presumably are not that little and therefore likely to be disruptive if they can stay 3 days with someone else) to attend. If he won't do that, the OP cannot go. It's his choice.

The OP is not being the awkward one here.

OP, sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make someone else you LOVE comfortable. Unless it would sit well you to have to miss your DB's wedding?

The best advice on here are people saying that you guys should take the kids along whilst husband entertain them and you go to the wedding but its a no no no for you so don't go and close this thread down because we can't help you any further!!

OP, I'd consider just leaving this thread now.
The volume of purposefully stupid, ignorant comments having a go at you is making my blood pressure rise and I'm not even you!

I am owning it. I could change hotels (my mum is there now and she asked them, apparently no family rooms left), forking out for another 2 nights on top of what I’ve already paid, and make DH Miss the wedding to take the kids somewhere, while I’m there alone. But the added expense and ball ache, I don’t want to do that. I’m owning that

In answer to peoples seriously stupid questions and suggestions:

SIL has obviously been exposed to COVID as she lives with BIL right? (this doesnt sound like seperate non married siblings).

BIL is very sick and obviously shouldnt have someone elses kids running around his house + SIL is likely caring for him if hes that ill.

The kids could get sick, Covid isnt harmless (Im in organ failure from long covid) and children are more suceptible to developed liver damage. It 'might' in some cases be mild but who the fuck would deliberately take that chance with their children just to attend a party.

Honestly the utter stupidity here is shocking, OPs brother does not come above BIL, SIL and especially not the OPs children and anyone that think he should needs to give their head a serious wobble and seriously not ever be in charge of children.

Just tell him you aren't going!