Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet you are getting a really hard time here.
I live in Scotland and getting anywhere in the highlands is not easy with no car especially on a rail strike day which will be a nightmare if you were caught in that. Accommodation in school holidays will be scarce and expensive unless you are in a travelodge on the outskirts of a city (which you are not!)
There is no way in hell I would drag my children that far and for a journey that long (yes it will take you 5/6 hours on highland roads and that’s assuming there’s no accidents to delay you on the way) for something they are not invited to, that’s just crazy.

If I were you I’m not sure I’d be caring if my DB & fiancé were upset or not, this is the risk of a child free wedding, and I’d be putting my own family needs first (ie not doing that journey!)

@ZenNudist well no she could only attend at extra costs and a great deal of organisation and as we don't know the Op financial circumstances we cannot say for sure
You may be able to find an extra couple hundred pound , myself personally i have £100 left until the end of the month so we are all different

Op there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go to the wedding of a family member that you are not close to and requires very substantial effort and cost.

But own it FGS!!!

What I'm still confused about is if a taxi wasn't an option why did you go on to price flights afterwards. Both end up in Inverness. The train isn't 360 it's more like 120. Even a first class ticket won't cost what you're saying and you don't have to get it from Leeds . That isn't a direct line anyway you still have to change. Did you ask your brother or mum if they or someone they know could pick you up from Inverness? Or have you actually priced a taxi as often there are mini bus services to remote areas especially if it's somewhere vaguely touristy even with a taxi though it's not costing you anywhere near the £1000 you say. Was the flight just to show you were trying even though you had no intention of getting it even if there was a cheap option?

The OP HAD made arrangements to attend this child free wedding, including booking a hotel room, so how exactly does that fit your narrative of ‘clearly not wanting to go?’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t attend a ‘child free’ wedding because it sounds too bloody precious to my mind, so if that’s the only option, then it’s fair to assume that some people won’t attend and the wedding couple need to ‘own this’, not blame the guests.

The Groom definitely sounds like a selfish prick to me (don’t forget he’s not inviting his own brother either) and I think OP was very generous to even consider attending in the first place. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You would drag your partner and children on a 700-mile round trip in a heatwave, so that you could attend an event that they couldn't?

I wouldn't, and if my partner wanted me to drive him 700 miles so that he could attend a wedding on his own, I'd refuse.

Take them with you - partner looks after them in hotel while you attend as much of wedding as possible.

Kids love a night in a hotel - partner can find something touristy or fun to do with them during the wedding.

there are some good workarounds proposed that you've dismissed.

Let me rephrase that for you:

"there are some unworkable and totally impractical or a downright PITA workarounds proposed that you've dismissed"

I wouldn't go

800+ posts in and at last, someone has come up with this entirely original solution. Congratulations!

@Tubs11 and I had 30 kids at my wedding and also have the video to proove what a great day was had by all , but that isn't what the post is about is it

if my partner wanted me to drive him 700 miles so that he could attend a wedding on his own, I'd refuse.

...and demand that I dragged primary school aged children on this marathon drive, with nowhere for them to sleep, and not much to do for most of the day and a whole evening. It would be insane, and an OP from the patner's and kids' perspective would get whole different response on here.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet you have literally spent hours replying and stating your case on this thread. I would just ring your DB and say 'I have tried but I can't get a solution to this. Unfortunately, I can't come to your wedding'

I think you knew that at 11am. I don't think anything on here has changed your mind, only entrenched your original position in the last 4 and a half hours.

Just say what you need to say to your family and back away from this thread

It’s a beautiful weekend forecast (actually a heatwave in the south (currently scorching!)

and you really just couldn’t face it op. The substantial effort to go. Had it been your BFF or your close brother - absolutely you would have done. But seeing as a brother you’re not close to, you are riding on the wave of the “covid excuse” to get you out of it.
and that is fine!!! You are on an anonymous forum Op… you can tell us and we promise we won’t tell anyone else! 😂

It’s actually the most time I have ever seen an op invest.

Do a “select all” and runs to pages. 5 I think now!

He wouldn’t, but it’s a long, tedious drive with very little to do and they will essentially be going to a play park and waiting for me to finish with the wedding. That’s what I don’t think it’s fair. If it was a 1 hour drive to Windsor and they could do Legoland that would be a different story

Go on your own
or
bring your kids on the trip (probably need a bigger hotel room) and DH stays with them

This is what we have done in similar circumstances. Everyone goes, and see if you can adjust the hotel booking to have the kids as well. Then when there partner goes to something nearby to entertain the kids. (Zoo, play barn etc depending on age)

It will cost you more and you might have to arrange the arriving and leaving differently to how its planned.

If it were so important that you were there considering the distance your brother should have either invited the kids, or made arrangements for them, he cannot be angry at you when its all fallen through. and you shouldn't have to jeopardise health/holidays to accommodate.

However by doing the above you should still be able to attend

Yes, I'm sure if it had been her BFF she could have mended her leg.

Don't be ridiculous. She has already said she has lines in the sand she isn't prepared to cross (leaving her kids with strangers) so she has owned that given the circumstances she doesn't want to go. Those circumstances being ones she has fully explored to ensure she has looked at all options.

I can't work out what you are trying to catch her out on.

Does she? I don't think I am putting words in her mouth. She wrote:

Hopefully they will understand but the ONLY viable option - coming with DH and attending wedding alone - is just not what I wanna do

Funny how that query to the brother about the train never progressed...

I’ve only met SIL once as they met during lockdown so barely seen them!

She seems v nice, and is upset we can’t make it.

DB came back and said someone could get me at Inverness but May struggle for a lift back on Saturday, by which point it was too late to set off for the train. My mum is still messaging mad suggestions like staying in a different hotel but using her hotel room at the venue to leave the kids watching TV and tag team during the wedding.

I was entirely on your side OP until you started spouting shite about Magnums. Totally inappropriate in a day like this.

what sort of area is it, there will always be places around. I'm guessing the 350 miles and you mentioning Windsor you live in the south brother lives in Scotland?

If so im sure in a bout 5 mins MN could find ample things to do for DH and DCs

👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I have