Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Four and twenty virgins went down to Inverness (although it's very north, so not sure where they were travelling from)
When the war was over there were four and twenty less.
I am in complete agreement with you op, you've tried your best and I think you can do no more.

Seriously, how can she go when she can't drive and there's a train strike?

All laws of reason go out the window when it comes to weddings. Childfree wedding is fine. Excluding your children is fine and completely the couples choice.

But I've also seen threads on here where they don't invite your DP/DH. In that case the couple are incredibly unreasonable, its the most grevious slight imaginable and you should refuse to go on principle and go NC 😂

Judging by the somewhat intense nature of some comments here, I calculate mathematically that half of the posters here need a Calippo, pronto

You are putting words into the OP's mouth @milkyaqua. The OP wants to go but the obstacles are pretty difficult, which you would realise if you had read all the OP's posts, knew something about the geography of the UK, especially the Scottish Highlands and its transport infrastructure and had a modicum of empathy

You can feck right off with that Callipo nonsense. Only Magnums will do in this heat

This thread is absolutely mental.

The brother who is getting married has decided that not having his brother or his niece and nephew at this wedding is more important than facilitating his sister's attendance.

If he were willing to either temporarily bury the hatchet with their brother in order for him to accompany the OP to the wedding while her husband stays at home with the children, or allow his niece and nephew to come so that they can travel together as a family, the OP would be able to attend.

Neither of these options are acceptable to him.

He's made his bed, let him lie in it.

Would you prefer it if I cried?

The train isn’t a magic solution. Op has said venue is miles from Inverness and train doesn’t get in until near midnight. Big ask for someone to collect her, most will want an early night before wedding so they are ready for wedding party. Hence DB not responding with no problem X will meet you.
Thats assuming train makes it to Inverness. All our recent train dealings involve late cancellations eg driver has run out of hours so we are terminating here. DH’s train from Edinburgh to London randomly terminated in Preston on Monday evening.

You can feck right off with that Callipo nonsense. Only Magnums will do in this heat

YABU. Magnums are claggy in the heat. Jeez. No wonder you don't want to go to a wedding. Too busy eating the wrong ice cream.

Blows my mind that he doesn't want his niece/nephew at his wedding! Child free weddings are fine but you cant then get shitty when those with children can't come!
Tbh though also sounds like youve made your mind up not to go as there are some good workarounds proposed that you've dismissed.

YANBU but you are being a little obtuse

😂😂😂

The OP said that when invites first came out she declined due to lack of childcare, DB then begged her to come, she managed to source childcare which had now fallen through.

Easiest solution right at the beginning would have been to let nephew and niece to come, if DB was so desperate for sister to be there

What a great idea. If only someone had thought of this ….

I am also gobsmacked that excluding niece/nephew is a thing but other recent wedding thread taught me lots don’t think it’s odd.

Floo powder 👌

Genuinely curious op
what are you hoping from this thread? To keep arguing?

You aren’t going. Period. But with the energy you have invested in this thread… you could pretty much have put the children on your back and crawled to the venue on your hands and knees!!

Finding childcare for 2 nights in the middle of august is hard, especially midweek. People are either on holidays somewhere else or working with their own childcare.

If people want to do childless weddings that is fine, but they can't expect families that live far away and have kids to be able to come. Also it is a pain even if you live close as other reliable babysitters also tend to be attending the wedding.

Let him sulk all he wants, it isn't your fault.

Originally, to get views on if IWBU because my mum and brother were making such a carry on about me goingZ But I didn’t expect this to go beyond about 2 pages with so many bonkers posts, so now I’ve committed to my decision it’s purely for amusement!

Is that OK?

Tell him sorry you can’t make it tomorrow but you hope to be at his next wedding!

^Your DH can go up and go out with the kids but you won’t.

No, I won’t take him to essentially be a babysitter while I go to a wedding alone and meet them afterwards. I think that’s an unreasonable expectation of anyway. I’d NEVER do that to a loved one.^

I started off thinking you had a point but after seeing this I think you're completely looking for an excuse. Who's partner would begrudge doing something with their own children??

He can do something with his kids at home - he doesn't need to drive 350 miles each way for the pleasure!
Also hotel has no room for the kids.

You say you and your brother are ok with each other but not close

What about your and your future sil relationship?

what’s her view on this situation?

had you been looking forward to the wedding before the change in plans?

have you confirmed to family your decision yet?

seeing as you’re hanging around, i thought I’d get my questions in!

This reminds me of Oleta Adams - Get Here

You can reach them by railway
Who cares if you can't afford to pay
You can reach them on an airplane,
Even though it costs a grand
Take a taxi that'll leave you poor
Dump your kids off with your Sister in Law
MN don't care how you get there, just get there if you can.

Don't want your kids to get the 'vids
Don't worry take them on your trip!
They'll know their uncle doesn't want them there
But I'm sure that they won't care
Or drop them off with not-invited bro
Cos that's not insensitive, oh no
All this is feasible in MN-land
Just get there if you can...

Oh and cancel the cheque!

Driving 700 miles round trip to do something with the children you could do at home? Why would you inflict that on DC let alone DH?