Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

And that's exactly why I originally said, excuses excuses excuses and more excuses, sprinkled with double excuses. Because in some post she's saying its impossible and in some she's saying oh yeah I can go but I WON'T.

If the children were invited in the first place there’d be no problem and we’d be well over the border by now.

I love how this is all my fault though as, despite the fact I seriously struggled to find ONE person to do 3 days of childcare, I should have magicked a back-up person 😂

OP, you are so not being unreasonable. If your DH had really wanted you at his wedding he would have invited your children as well. There is always a chance childcare can fall through so it’s something the couple getting married should be aware of. Don’t go and don’t feel guilty.

I would be annoyed that my brother wouldn’t make an exception and hadn’t said ‘just bring the kids’.
leaving them with strangers, a last minute babysitter after a 700 mile round trip? They are no a pet hamster.
It would be too much effort for me, and I would feel resentful exactly for the reason that the brother could have made it easier for OP. I wouldn’t go.

I just don’t want to go whereby the situation means I have to spend what it costs for a week’s holiday to Malaga, stick my asthmatic kids in a COVID household, or end up spending more time on public transport than at the wedding itself

The message that you did NOT want to go in this new situation, and it was a slam dunk situation, and you were NOT looking for ways to get there obviously didn't actually come through earlier in your posts, OP. I don't think you've quite put it like this before, and definitely not early on in the thread.

That's why people tried to help. If you'd had made it completely plain that you weren't looking for transport suggestions etc. then it would have been a different thread.

Gosh I’ve enjoyed this thread! Thanks OP!
without floo powder , a magic car or your Groom brother shifting on one of his many pronouncements- no children, no other brother etc you’ve done everything you can - you are just going to have to test positive for covid (maybe monkey pox for fun variety) and join by zoom n then magically recover for turkey holiday

good luck!

I do think you were hoping to find agreement from fellow mumsnetters by your post and you don't seem to have found it here.

I'm in the minority where I think you should just say you've exhausted all possibilities that would allow you to attend and that you just can't.

I'm sure he'll get over it.

Tbh it sounds like it would be an absolute nightmare to make happen even if you could get there.

Make peace (with your decision), apologise to DB and move on.

So now PPs are actually suggesting the OP gets herself in debt (put cost on CC) when utility bills are set to double in less than 6 months?

The OP has stated several times she can't afford the extra cost. Deferring the cost to a time when the cost of living (and thus disposable income) will be severely impacted is stupid beyond belief.

...Incidentally, I get it. I'd feel the same. But is wasn't plain from the thread at the beginning.

^Exactly this^

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I'm getting angry on your behalf at some of these batshit comments on here!!!!

Your DB doesn't/soon to be SIL doesn't want children at their wedding. Their choice.

Your DB/soon to be SIL have chosen a wedding in the back arse of Scotland. Their choice.

Your childcare has fallen through. Not your choice.

Posters telling you to leave your children with complete strangers, pay ££££s (that potentially you can't afford) to bend over backwards just so you can attend the wedding alone, get a train (you've explained this) yada, yada, yada!!!!

Absolute ignorant idiots!!!!

If your brother and soon to be SIL want you there so badly then they'd accommodate your children and if they don't then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I honestly had to roll my eyes at people telling you to put the extra £100s on your credit card. Clearly not feeling the credit punch right now 🙄 idiots.

I would be annoyed that my brother wouldn’t make an exception and hadn’t said ‘just bring the kids’.

He did, he also offered to source childcare. What he, entirely understandably, didn’t offer was to have them at the wedding, thereby stirring up lots of ill feeling with the other guests who left their kids at home. No kids means no kids.

@IfOn

You say admittedly you don't know how the Highlands work and you've never actually been yet here you are making a stupid wee comment about there only being 1 hotel implying OP is lying, bonkers!

@Samarie123 the childcare has just gone down with COVID for a wedding she needs to travel to now. Not exactly the OP’s fault it’s last minute

OP I'm just going to jump on as another voice of reason. It is clear you can't go. So many people who obviously live in metropolitan areas with plenty of transport. I live in the south of Scotland and it takes me over 4 hours to get to Inverness, and obviously the wedding isn't even there. It's further away.

You have tried to find a way, but unless you spend £1000's on travelling there you won't have tried hard enough for some people on here.

I'm assuming these people are a lot closer to their brothers than you are. This is not the end of the world, and if your DB as SIL have issue with you not going, it's on them. They should perhaps have thought to invite all family in the first place.

Absolute ignorant idiots!!!!

I honestly had to roll my eyes at people telling you to put the extra £100s on your credit card. Clearly not feeling the credit punch right now 🙄 idiots

People were trying to help the OP, before it was made plain that she just doesn't want to go.

Name calling? Seriously?

This is what I’d do. Obviously I’d be annoyed that my brother was annoyed but think I’d still try to go to keep the family peace if this was a feasible option.

I’ve messaged DB to ask, in theory, if anyone would be able o collect me tonight from Inverness.

I genuinely have no idea where everyone is getting tested for covid atm..can you even still get covid tests? LFTs?!

Anyway op I think at 5 and 9 I would've thought they'd cope find bring seperated and staying with friends BUT you know your own kids better than anyone else.

I assume no other in laws could help out fri DH side (PILs?).

I would always have alternative arrangements for this but I have a number of friends who I regularly babysit for and they regular sit for us as I genuinely think it's so important to have that support network even for emergencies so you know who you can rely on.

Have you spoken to your parents? They will no doubt help to smooth things over with your brother (i assume he has no kids so won't understand the logistical nightmare it is having to travel for a child free wedding!).

This has been amazing. Some of ye have lost the plot. I'm sorry you have a dickhead for a brother.

How is 350 miles in a car ever a treat for children! Then back again! When they’re also sleeping in the car because there’s no room at the hotel. Who are these magical children?

The people who are saying travel is easy probably live in the land of Uber and Deliveroo. Not all areas of this country have lovely public transport on a regular basis and are close to train stations etc

And a magic money tree as well.😂😂😂

I think you have comprehension problem sweetheart. Try and read my replies again.

Op just tell your brother you can't go.

People on this thread are absolutely out of bounds rude school bullies.