Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

OP I agree with you on this one

I married in April and understood if people couldn’t attend due to illness, childcare issues and emergencies.

I wouldn’t send go over to someone’s house a week before going abroad knowing they have Covid. I don’t care if restrictions are over, why would you send your children somewhere that you know they could get covid and be sick with it from.

Also agree, I wouldn’t leave children with random friends I’ve never met.

As for the comments about brother being selfish for having no children rule, I disagree. It is their wedding. (I had children at mine before I get attacked) As long as they can deal with the consequences that this brings for example this situation. Although doesn’t sound like he is that understanding.

It is upsetting when people pull out the week leading up to wedding though, as much as I understood I would secretly be upset about the ££ we wasted on food and places and the fact they couldn’t be there. I get if he is upset about that

You are entitled not to go

The only other suggestion is finding another hotel near by, your DH drives up with you and kids. Takes the kids out for the day whilst you go to wedding. You’ll be fine alone you’re an adult a lot of adults go alone. But that’s my only suggestion

I’m not saying the venue as it’s too much of a giveaway!

I can't believe how worked up people are about this. Plans have not worked out, its too far to make alternative arrangements. Northern Scotland is a total pita, even if you start off in Central Scotland.

I wasn't even invited to my sister's wedding. I sent a pressie & thought no more about it.

I had a child-free wedding and I think it's completely mean of your brother not to make allowances in these genuine, last-minute circumstances. You're his sister, the kids are his niece/nephews. You'd think he'd just bend his own rules to make it easier on you all.

Even if you could throw unlimited funds to solve the problem, or travel 350 miles alone, why should you? Not when your brother could solve this very easily.

OP, sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make someone else you LOVE comfortable

If he wanted her there he wouldn't have made it difficult for her in the first place.

And how typical that a woman has to make all the sacrifices for a groomzilla man!

Although I agree with this I will say I've attended a wedding where where no child rules were bended for two couples and it definitely annoyed more than a few other guests who went out of their way to come on their own. I know, it's stupid. But weddings are stupid.

I’ve said I want to go - I love a wedding and the venue and area looks amazing.

I just don’t want to go whereby the situation means I have to spend what it costs for a week’s holiday to Malaga, stick my asthmatic kids in a COVID household, or end up spending more time on public transport than at the wedding itself

This is what I would do, because I love my brothers and it's a mini break for husband and kids. The fact you don't want to do this shows you have no intention of going no matter what! You just want people on the internet to tell you you're right and can't possibly go. You can. You are choosing not to, own it.

Here you go @IfOn. Quite clear that she doesn’t want to go now her original plans have fallen through.

would have been easy enough for you to read yourself though rather than asking to be spoonfed

I did read the thread.
I would understand perfectly if my children weren't invited, I would never expect them to be.

Yes, and as I followed up with later: so don't want to go under these circumstances. Which is fine. 😃

It’s like bloody Groundhog Day

OP you have the patience of a saint putting up with some of the utter nonsense on this thread.

I live nowhere near you but I’m very tempted to come and get you and drive you to the wedding and your DP can stay with the kids.

But first, I just need to start a quick thread of my own….

“AIBU to leave my DC with a stranger for 2 nights while I help out a fellow MN’er in need”….

Your brother sounds like an absolute arsehole.

He either understands why you can’t go and sympathised because he knows that’s the risk you take with distance child free weddings OR he makes an allowance and let’s the children go.

I would never, ever treat my sister the way your brother has treated you.

In your shoes I would tell him to shove his guilt trip up his arse!

🤣🤣

So many people on this thread are crazy!

The thread has attracted all the bridezillas I think. Wedding blinkers on. OP should just hop there, she’s still got one good leg afterall. 😉

@worriedatthistime I wouldn't leave my dc with complete strangers but I have left mine with family friends for a funeral my MIL neighbour babysat my dc at her house. I didn't know her at all but I trust MIL not to endanger her beloved DGC.

The OP here doesn't trust her DBro and I'm not surprised as they don't seem to have much of a relationship. I actually think he should accommodate his DNs at his wedding in the circs and the fact he wont shows him up for an awkward arse BUT its still on OP to make the effort to attend. She could if she wanted to and the excuses boil down to this: its too much trouble and she doesn't care enough to attend.

Well she had said about flying to Inverness so presumed it's in the basic vicinity. And loads of the air b n bs seem pretty cheap. If she can cancel and get a refund for the hotel space (as she intimated she can) then presumably her husband can pick her up from the wedding at 8 pm so she doesn't miss the entire evening, and they can all stay in the air b n b together. And all have a nice time next day in one of the most spectacular parts of the country.

It's seems pretty obvious DB is an arse or he would have said 'Oh no I'm really sorry your childcare has fallen through, I really want you there though so if we made an exception and had your kids along would it be possible then?'

Instead he's angry at you for something that is completely beyond your control, and now people are giving you a hard time on here because you're not spending hundreds and twisting yourself in knots to somehow get there. Dicks the lot of them IMO.

I think it does? cross Country is affected

I could be wrong though

The only thing that makes sense about this thread is the voting which is overwhelmingly agreeing OP is not U.

OP you've been very patient and you are being totally reasonable. I'm waiting for someone to suggest you remortgage your house and use the released funds to charter a helicopter. Possibly one you've learnt to fly yourself in the next 4 hours.

It isn't possible for you to get there without a huge amount of time and money going in to the endeavour. Way, way more than is reasonable for anyone to expect. And way, way more than it would cost for your brother to stop being an arse about it and just invite your children.

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. If my brother didn’t want my kids at his wedding I wouldn’t even make an excuse, I would just politely decline. It’s also extremely rude for him to suggest that someone who you don’t even know looks after your children as well. As if you would even entertain that option?! Don’t go and don’t feel bad about it, it’s not your fault. Love xx

Your brother isn’t at all unreasonable for choosing a childfree wedding that also extended to family children. He’s unreasonable to be angry at you because you can’t make it.

I had a childfree wedding, and I totally respected the fact that mean that some people wouldn’t be able to attend. As the saying goes, it’s an invitation not a summons.

It’s just one of those things. Could you join via tech - friends had godparents on a live link in church from South Africa. If you can’t physically get there without spending hours and ££££ then it’s not physically possible.
I’d just send you best wishes confirm you can’t attend as you have no childcare other than DH (understandable as some of your options are at the wedding) and can’t drive due to leg and it’s inaccessible at last minute by public transport.
You can go for a meal etc next time you meet up to celebrate.

Can someone post a link when papers publish the best bits of this thread?