Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

The OP can do what she wants. She doesn't 'have' to do anything.

NRTFT but your brother is being totally bloody unreasonable here. I had a child free wedding and an old mate (not even a close one!) asked if she could bring her daughter since no childcare. I said yes! Straightaway! Even though my siblings didn’t actually bring their kids.

Then my SIL brought her two since one of them was celebrating his birthday.

So we bent the rules, and our wedding was very adult and not geared for children whatsoever. Your brother is behaving crappily here, and he has done from the start. When you first said it was tricky, he should have let your kids come. I’m amazed anyone is laying into you, OP!!

Also I’m not sure moving mountains will help - any ACTUAL suggestions?

There's a very practical and not overly expensive suggestion on the post just above yours! (take the train which is £160 and not affected by strikes, leave husband behind to look after DC.) No mountains need be moved. I'm sure you're delighted, right?

[helpful]

Look Georgiana, ask your brother, Mr Darcy, to let you use the carriage, he can afford it, don’t you know he has 10,000 a year. 400 mile of good road. All sorted.

A rural taxi for an hour’s drive is not usually ‘hundreds’. If you don’t want to go, just say

it probably is. A 30 minute journey from my house to the airport is £60 each way. And that's a special rate.

So if you need to drive an hour to a "local" railway station, it will be a lot.

Just because the OP's brother won't allow his nieces/nephews to attend?

If he wanted the OP there he'd tell her to take the kids. That's the bottom line and I find it very odd that anyone thinks she's being unreasonable by refusing to pay out silly money to attend the wedding of someone who doesn't care about his own relatives. And it's not for the other brother to step in when he's been snubbed.

350 miles. Not that easy.

One assumes OP did want to attend as had already spent £320 on hotel and generally they are not refundable.

I have a 3 yr old and a 6yr old. We've had to decline a family wedding recently as it was going to either be £££ on flights and hiring a car. to get to venue Or 12-14 hours total travelling over the weekend if we just drove. If I were in your shoes OP I would say the childcare has fallen through, I'm physically unable to travel on my own. I am sorry. The fact that your brother is annoyed and not just disappointed says a lot. Hope all is well and you enjoy your holiday to Turkey.

@DarkDayforMN snd the journeys to and from the stations?

Personally, I think if you really wanted to go, you'd splash out the extra on a family hotel, other train tickets and just suck that up (savings, credit card).

I know everyone on MN earns 6 figure and has a Porsche but some of us in the real world will soon start to feel the pinch of the cost of living . My credit card is for emergencies and it’s likely I’ll need to use it in winter to pay for my energy bills. I’m not spending £700 on it for a hotel to attend a wedding on my own that my brother won’t budge one bit for

I can't believe some of the replies on here. It's a (second) wedding not his deathbed. Why should op move mountains to get there. Some people are really dramatic. Arrange to celebrate with them at a later date.

If you really wanted to get there OP, you could invite your DB as your plus one instead of DH and rock up together 😄if it’s that important to the groom for you to be there then surely that wouldn’t be a problem?!

Why don’t you jog there and back OP while your DH and the kids swim with sharks near the venue?

Your brother will hopefully relax after the wedding when it isn’t all as full on anymore.

The very ones 🤣🤣 no brothers there though, my mum and ILs were with us (it was also lighthearted)

So what happens if he does budge? Why are you not answering that question? huh? @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Would you suddenly find the money to book hotel rooms to accommodate your family or another "reason" as to why it won't work?

OP it does sound like you keep coming up w reasons not to go.

If the hotel is already booked but has no more space then you can stay there by yourself. There are plenty of air b n bs available in Inverness for this weekend that your DH/kids can stay in www.airbnb.ie/s/Inverness--United-Kingdom/homes?adults=1&place_id=ChIJK94XLVtxj0gRPcQ-LtEJQ2I&checkin=2022-08-19&checkout=2022-08-20&children=2

There's also more to do there than just parks - there's castles, the beach and so on. I'm sure your DH can make it fun for the dcs if he tries. The weather's going to be good but not scorching. It sounds like you just couldn't be arsed!

Plenty of people end up having to travel with their dcs and some even make the most of it.

Yes op I agree there more juggling with kids involved. No easy answer. Babysitter in hotel? Few hours break.

Yet you can go on several holidays but cost of living and all of that yeah...LOL

I can’t drive at the moment due to a leg injury, so can’t go on my own How convenient

For those who haven’t bothered to read the OP’s updates here is a summary
There is no viable public transport to the venue
The OP can’t drive due to a leg injury
The hotel is fully booked so they can’t all go and take the children with them
There is no-one local to the OP who could give her lift
Leaving the children with total strangers is not an option I wouldn’t do it either

All of this. There are some mad people on MN today.

The solution would have been for the brother to allow the kids to attend. He apparently won't and there's no room at the hotel anyway (hadn't realised that last bit). So the OP can't go. Not won't, can't.

and the journeys to and from the stations?

Really? Leeds is either accessible by public transport, being the OP's nearest major city, or her husband can drive her there if he was planning to drive to the Highlands.

And her brother and mother who are so desperate to have her there could pick her up from Inverness.

It's pretty obviously a solvable problem if there was a will to solve it.

I’ve not read replies but of course you’re not being unreasonable. If you choose to have a child free wedding, expect people to not be able to go, or drop out last minute (we did this - loved our child free wedding but we did have drop outs which we had to accept).

if your brother is pissed off, is he able to offer a solution?

would you consider getting a local babysitter? I know it’s tricky. But they would just need to be looked after for the day of the wedding right? I appreciate this adds a lot of £££ to the weekend.

And yet the brother she LOVES and has to suffer for won’t even suck up 20 quid for 2 kids meals so OP can attend.

So many people on this thread are crazy! Yanbu. Your brother however is being incredibly unreasonable not bending the rules in these circumstances, if he really wants you there then he could let you all come.

There are plenty of air b n bs available in Inverness for this weekend maybe the OP can't afford it because they have a holiday booked soon. And maybe Inverness isn't that close to the wedding venue anyway. There is a lot of space in the Highlands!