Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Just say no it's not doable, brother or not.
I've just returned from a close family wedding in Europe, 2000 miles, nearly £4k spent, 8 days annual leave used 🙄 and it was horrendous, I never should have said I'd go, I was literally begged to go. I went because we'd had a family bereavement and felt we should all be together, boy do I now regret going.
You've got legitimate reasons not to go, state those, apologise but be firm, you're in charge of your life, no one else.
I wouldn't attend a wedding without my oh, I definitely wouldn't attend a child free wedding when mine were young without adequate child care.
You have very valid reasons to say no.
In my case I didn't have any valid reasons and allowed myself to be railroaded into going which I can't tell you how much I regret

I wouldn't think twice about not going to a second wedding, given the circumstances.
I hope you enjoy Turkey.

Hate to say it but just don’t go. Yes it’s a one off (twice off in his case mind) but then your brother should have thought that through if he’d wanted you there that badly. Absolutely wouldn’t be leaving my kids with strangers either. If he argues be super petty and say you’ll try make his next one 😂

It's not. Look again. I can see why the website would lead you to believe that, but if you scroll down from the single ticket options, you can select a return for £160.

Ah so there is! I missed that! However there’s also a big yellow banner that says rail strike will impact travel. Is it worth the risk?! I don’t wanna be stuck in the middle of nowhere or miss the wedding

I have a suggestion, bring your husband and kids with you and then drop your kids off randomly in the Scottish Highlands, remote as possible and scatter a few bread crumbs on the way back to the hotel. By the time you are ready to leave hopefully (fingers crossed) they would have found you. Problem solved!!!

Or hire a private jet and a nanny 🤣

Obviously joking, yanbu. I would no way in hell leave my child with friends I have never met. Not a chance. I'm not quite sure why you are getting such a hard time on here.

If it were me, I would not go as there is real affordable solution.

I've only read the OP's posts.

I think if it had been something you really wanted to attend you should have arranged backup childcare because asking someone who is CEV was always going to be risky. Covid is still very much about.

That said, if your brother really wants you there, they should accommodate you.

It's not such a surprise that problems will arise when trying to arrange a child free wedding with covid about.

One of the maddest threads I've read
some people have had too much sun.

of course you can't go OP. Stop worrying about it. I'm sure you can all find something nice to do instead.

have a nice holiday when it comes.

You still need to get someone to agree to collect you from that station.

If they can't try and help you, it's a no-go anyway.

I'd say he either lets the kids come or you just can't go. Do you want to go or are you not that bothered?

Not read all the comments..
But...
You're not obliged to go to the wedding....there's no rule in life that says you have to except any invitation.

Your brother lives 350 miles away, I suspect you don't see him often anyway and he's a grown man so should except through no fault of your own your child care has fallen through so his choices are
A.... He tells you not to worry, these things happen, you'll be missed.
B... He really wants you there's so of course bring the children.

You know what’s really fun for kids. A 700-mile round car trip with nowhere to sleep and nothing to do at the destination, in a heatwave. You’ll all have such a hoot!

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet do you have a fireplace ? If so , get some Floo powder and magic yourself up there ?
If not , can you move to a house with a fireplace? Preferably this afternoon?
Some people on this thread are bonkers.

Ah so there is! I missed that! However there’s also a big yellow banner that says rail strike will impact travel. Is it worth the risk?! I don’t wanna be stuck in the middle of nowhere or miss the wedding

😂you could always have clicked on the big yellow banner to see which train operators are being affected. It doesn't apply to your journey.

She has been perfectly clear - she wants to go, but not enough to spend hundreds of pounds and days of her time on travel, or put her partner and kids through a miserable few days of travel for a wedding they’re not invited to.

Its called having boundaries. You can want to go to something up to a point, but not at any cost to yourself and your family. She has been very clear that she doesn’t want to go enough to do any of these crazily outlandish things which yes she COULD technically do, but are far from reasonable or easy.

I don’t think that’s so hard to understand?

Of course she could go if she wanted to AT ANY COST. But the whole reason for this frankly marvellously bonkers thread existing is that there are limits to the extent she is willing to go to. Quite understandably!

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet op these replies are bonkers 😂 yanbu! Why would you go way out of your way for someone who doesn't even want their niece/nephew to celebrate their day with them.
Have a lovely weekend at home! Similar situation here, DH is off to the wedding I'm staying home, child free weddings are up to the bride/groom but I think they're CFS for leaving out close family members 🤷‍♀️
It's one day and children enjoying themselves are part of events I don't get it but there we go

He’s really pissed off with me
His own fault for wanting to fob off his own nieces/nephews from his wedding.

and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now.
Is he normally this devastatingly selfish, or it it a Groomzilla one-off?
Because it's a gobsmacking response.
He wants your unwell BiL (you said he's suffering, so not light symptoms) to have to look after your DC, he wants to deliberately expose your DC to infection, & he doesn't give a shit if that ruins your booked holiday to Turkey?

What a twat.

he OP obviously doesn't want to go, and people are totally understanding of that, and it's weird she won't just admit it. 😃

This basically nails it.

Your brother should just say bring them with you I hate the concept of a child free wedding anyway it shouts "bridezilla" at me

I'm tell him your bringing them

You don’t have to read the whole thread, just click see all on the OP’s post and you can see all of their posts which gives enough info to be up to date.

Recently went to a distant sibling’s wedding. Weren’t part of the wedding party, spent about 10 minutes with them whilst they tried to fit everyone in. We didn’t mind but I wouldn’t be busting a gut to try and get to this wedding. If you can go lovely

A less than 30 minute taxi journey into Edinburgh Waverley cost my family £30 at the beginning of July.

I can easily see how an hour in a taxi in the rural Scottish highlands could easily cost more than £100.

OP many of these people have NO concept about how difficult it is to travel easily and cost effectively in the Scottish Highlands.

Is the wedding venue near Landmark? That would be an awesome day out for the rest of the family and not something you'd do at home.

Or the Highland Wildlife park?

If you can pick a special trip and the hotel can squeeze you in (ask) then I'd go.

No special trip/no room then your DB just has to accept that your childcare has fallen through and to respect his child free wedding wishes this means you can no longer attend.

But she has

It’s weird people are making up their own facts to be completely honest.

Goodness me the number of unreasonable posters who simply don’t understand how difficult it is for the OP is astounding! The OP is NOT being difficult, but several posters are.

@Becky6758 are you the brother? Your replies have been spectacularly unhelpful. Try reading the OP’s replies. I have summarised them below for you.

For those who haven’t bothered to read the OP’s updates here is a summary
There is no viable public transport to the venue
The OP can’t drive due to a leg injury
The hotel is fully booked so they can’t all go and take the children with them
There is no-one local to the OP who could give her lift
Leaving the children with total strangers is not an option I wouldn’t do it either

He wasn’t invited to the wedding - the way he found out wasn’t through a phone call, it was because he didn’t get an invitation and when I queried it with groom DB he went into a rant about how he’s decided other brother was toxic etc and he’s gone NC with him. I had to relay this to other brother. It would be deeply, deeply insensitive of me to ask other brother to cancel his plans with his GF (they’re just local plans but still) to look after my kids while I attend the wedding he’s been snubbed from