Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

I did think it was possible yes as it could have been 400 posts of 'your brother is a dick'. Which he is, FWIW I don't think he should be expecting you to go if you cant bring your children but at the same time, a lot of us have made good suggestions but they are all 'impossible' is some way or other

She doesn’t live in Scotland either, she flew there yesterday and is currently in the hotel

Spot on tiddlywink !!
Lets turn the situation around and ask this question ‘ If Op’s brother truly wanted her to be there, why has he not offered to have her children attend ‘

Life isn’t always a one way street.
OP, do what suits YOU and your family best.
Ignore what everyone else thinks.

Stop whining. It's much easier to just ask than read 20 pages of increasingly manic arguing. By replying you could have told me instead of being snarky, for instance. 😀

I’d recommend that those who can’t find the time to RTFT make the time. It’s better than Netflix. Grab some snacks, cancel your work meetings, settle in for a gloriously insane romp through the Highlands of MN wisdom.

Do people not think it is quite insulting to ask the DB who is not invited to the wedding (for reasons he doesn’t think are fair) to babysit his sister’s DC so she and get DH can go to the wedding he is not invited to!

No, that’s £160 one way. And another £160 to come back on saturday

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet He can’t exactly attend - I’d have asked him to cancel his plans with his GF should he have been invited to the actual wedding but I’m not asking him to drive with us to Scotland to babysit while we go to a wedding he’s specifically been excluded from

I wouldn't expect you to ask your other brother to accompany you to babysit 😃as that would be nuts but he and his girlfriend could look after them close to home? Presumably your SIL &BIL weren't coming to Scotland with you to babysit originally? However, you've already said your other brother has got the hump with groom brother so you don't want to ask him.

You've told groom your not coming so surely it's done now?

I don't understand why people keep querying the number of nights she needs to go? She hasn't got childcare for any nights so it's irrelevant?

To be honest DB sounds like he really can't take no for an answer and expects to always get everything his way. You obviously aren't close if he's only met your DP a couple of times so I don't see any reason to go to the incredible expense and inconvenience some posters are suggesting.

I don't think people are appreciating how short notice it is. It's one thing to book complex public transport when you have time to book early for cheaper tickets / more choice of routes, or to look for other childcare options with plenty of notice for them an time for them to plan around the 2 extra children they'll have for 3 days, but another with a few hours notice! I wouldn't look after someone else's kids for that long with that little notice unless it was a serious emergency ie hospitalisation, death bed dash, not a wedding!

😂😂😂😂 If nothing else, this thread has cheered me up!

Just hope it doesn’t end up on DM and the B&G see it 😬

They aren’t selfish. But the bride and groom have to accept people may not be able to come.

TBF I said I’d checked Leeds (not local to me but accessible) to Inverness which is the closest station to the venue

You don't want to go hence you are shutting down all possible solutions. I wouldn't want to go either. To exclude a siblings children from your wedding is really shit in my opinion. Also unless they live in the Highlands, having a wedding somewhere the majority of your guests will have to travel so far to get to is again thoughtless. You did right to decline in the first place and should have stuck to your guns. I wouldn't want to leave my kids with someone I didn't know and you are right that having two kids overnight for three days isn't something most would be able to commit to at such short notice. Yanbu!

No, that’s £160 one way. And another £160 to come back on saturday

I just looked it up myself lol, it's £161.20 for a return ticket. You just don't want to go! Which is fine.

This thread really is batshit MN at its finest 😳

• People repeatedly making the same stupid suggestions while totally ignoring the OP’s numerous very reasonable explanations as to why these things aren’t possible.

• Suggesting that young kids can just be left with any old childminder that you book on a website (seriously has any responsible parent ever actually done that?!)

• Aggressively huffing at the OP that she’s clearly just looking for excuses when she patiently explains for the zillionth time why it’s not as simple as just ‘going alone’.

• Complete ignorance about the realities of the public transport network anywhere north of the M25.

• Aggressive huffing at the Op for having the audacity to care about her own kids’ well-being over and above her overgrown toddler of a brother (who sounds like a right peach the more we hear of him).

As if ANY of these barmy posters would do any of the ridiculous shit they’re barking at the OP she should absolutely do without second thought 🤣🤣

Again, Where is the wedding?

I've been to a wedding in a remote part of the Scottish Highlands and it was a right arse to get there and that was without having childcare to consider. It's also a really long way to be away from your kids with possibly limited mobile reception if you're not confident in the childcare

I have mentioned the hotel room.

Read the posts

I think your DB was being unreasonable making it a child free wedding when he has nieces/ nephews. It was obviously going to be difficult.
We've just stayed 2 nights yo attend a wedding a 6 hour drive away so similar distance.
Imo it's not really feasible just stay one night.
The only solution I can think of , given your leg injury, is to drive up as a family and tag team wedding attendance and childcare with your DH or not to go.
It's not ideal but honestly your brother hasn't really thought through the implications of his child free wedding and you are perfectly reasonable to say that childcare has fallen through and you can't attend.

Bloody hell, some responses on here are bizarre 😂

Surely, it should go something like this:

Op: Sorry DB, childcare fallen through. No way of coming without bringing the kids.

DB: No problem, I know you tried. Bring the kids. Would hate to think of you stressing and would rather you all came than no one.

Op: Thanks DB. Obviously if they misbehave in away, me or DH will swiftly remove them from the venue.

Job done.

*From someone who had a child-free wedding but ended up with a few kids for the reasons outlined by Op. Dealt with it like grown ups 😀

id just say no its too late and you have no childcare that youre nto discussing it but hpe he has a lvoely day

you cant invite people exclude children then moan when it goes wrong

We travel just over 350 miles regularly as son is at uni at other end of the country.

If all goes well, leaving at 5am takes 6 hours. That's without any hold ups whatsoever, and not in school
Holidays.

And our car DOESN'T have aircon, for the sneery poster. Some of us still drive older cars, you know.

OP - it's a real shame but can't be helped. The train would cost you hundreds at this short notice.

Tell your DB that this is the risk of Insisting family comes to your wedding without children.

Sorry OP, but this thread has been quite funny to read!

I only read your posts and reading your (valid) replies with your humour added 😂

It sounds like if it was easy enough to go to, and all the stars aligned, you'd be ok going to your db wedding but it's turning into an absolute ball ache and not wanting to leave your DC with strangers, fly to Scotland via Ireland, or catch a taxi the short 350 miles means you just can't make it.

You forgot the final bullet point: the OP obviously doesn't want to go, and people are totally understanding of that, and it's weird she won't just admit it. 😃

OP I think you are getting a really hard time.
I mean your brother could probably just say 'bring them, well find some extra chairs '. Someone is bound to have dropped out.

The fact it's all on you to solve has probably got your back up, it would mine.
Does your brother live where he is getting married?

I also wouldn't advise a train up here just now. With family doing a similar length journey this week it was a nightmare