Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@Tubs11 cheaper bus options to the highlands ? Ok lets see them please ?

As I’ve said about 50 times, I don’t have 1 person to mind the children let alone 2!

And I can’t explain it - they’re just shit on their own!

Personally, I think if you really wanted to go, you'd splash out the extra on a family hotel, other train tickets and just suck that up (savings, credit card).

I'd then also be telling your DB, sorry, but as no childcare and I'm not leaving them with people I don't know, either I (and DH and DC) come that way or not at all. Your DB can like it or lump it.

It might be a good idea, going forward though, to think about getting babysitters for your DC on say an evening out, who then might offer to have them overnight, if you needed this in the future.

My DNephew has been left with me and DM (without his DP) a few times overnight now since he was fairly young (he's now 4) but I think if it was someone he knew (e.g. from nursery, one of his 'aunties' he knows well) he'd be happy to be left with them overnight (prob only one night) if need be and no other options.

Not reading 20 pages but has there actually been a single suggest solution the OP's been open to? Or is she just looking for permission to not go? Which would be fair enough, I'm not judging.

@stuntbubbles if you're high i'm right up there with you!
😂

I know the hotel is still an issue with sleeping space, but honestly, if your brother really wants you there I just don’t understand why he can’t invite the kids - under the circumstances. I’m sure the hotel would be able to add a couple of extra meals. It’s just bizarre. They’re not toddlers - people would hardly know they’re there.

Is this the family you started a thread about a just a week ago whilst you were on holiday in France re annoying family members?

And I've explained that I didn't have time to RTFT but was trying to offer a solution! I don't have time to read 400 posts to check if anyone has offered my (entirely sensible) suggestions

@stuntbubbles i truly wonder about some on here
They seem to think money is no issue , even £100 more to find isn't possible for many
So many slating OP for not moving heaven and earth but the db isn't expected to
Its just unfortunate thats all , that OP cannot now go and that should be that

He can’t exactly attend - I’d have asked him to cancel his plans with his GF should he have been invited to the actual wedding but I’m not asking him to drive with us to Scotland to babysit while we go to a wedding he’s specifically been excluded from.

This thread is weird. The OP explained the situation and naturally, posters leapt in trying to help get her to the wedding. As in, making suggestions and really trying to , y'know...help.

Now posters are getting leapt on and shouted down (the incessant RTFT!!!! is annoying) for trying to suggest solutions, while the OP bats them all away. Posters trying to help the OP are getting flack for it.

OP, you seem to find any suggestion of help tedious/annoying and immediately unworkable, but I'm sure you didn't intend for other posters to get yelled at for trying to help you?

I'm baffled as to what you even wanted from this, tbh. You knew you weren't going, and your DB probably knew it as well.

Well then they can decide what’s more important

1. Their niece and nephew get to attend and they sort bedrooms in the hotel so there’s somewhere for them to sleep.

2. Other brother is allowed to attend in DH’s place

3. They accept you can’t come.

It’s up to them really.

@felineweird then just read the OP posts as all answers were there
You think 400 in no one would of made that suggestion

@Tubs11 had offered another solution, move the mountains (and highlands) closer to you so travel for you won’t be a problem!

I agree, I mean after all the Highlands is just one small village, right? It's not as if some parts aren't served by public transport, or have a very patchy, unreliable service.
I would personally leave my kids with the brother's friends, but only if they also have covid, then carry my husband on my back to the wedding, so we can use the money we save on transport to give demanding brother an even bigger wedding gift.

This!!

YANBU OP, you've considered every possible solution and there isn't a reasonable one. Your brother just needs to accept it and just enjoy the day. Maybe your mum can facetime you during the ceremony so you can at least watch.

I know, it’s insane!! No wonder people choose to drive rather than use trains.

Also, Leeds isn’t actually local to me - it’s accessible as in DH could drive me it would take a couple hours. But it’s the nearest station that has a line to Inverness. But £320, and 10+ hours from home to venue each way is madness

@Guiterrez well its helpful to read a thread and op has listened to suggestions but explained why not possible , even looking up alternative hotels when it was suggested
She never actually asked for solutions just asked if she was being unreasonable
If you just read the OP posts you can see suggestions , inappreciate no one will read 409 threads but tbf most suggestions and responses were in the first couple pages or in the OP posts

I know!

I should send them instead - anyone want to go in my place? You have to get there via donkey though, with a budget of 11p

@SleeplessInEngland

If you had at least bothered to read the OP's posts, you'd have your answer.

What is it with people who go on to a multi page thread but refuse to read anything beyond the OP, yet feel that their opinion is so fucking important that they have to post it.

If it's that important, RTFT!

Placemarking to see if OP will come up with another excuse now it's been revealed that the cost of the train is £160 not £320!

If this is for real I hope the groom brother never sees it. Not that I blame her for not wanting to go, family situation sounds complicated.

As he leaves near you and is free over the weekend could he have your DC at his house or go and stay at your house for the weekend (with GF if he’s planning to see her) so that you and DP can go ahead and attend without the kids as planned? Do you have any spare cash to offer to pay him for his time or at least give him some cash for treats like a day out and takeaways etc with his nieces and nephews?

Childless weddings are so selfish when your planning to invite people with young children especially when your asking them to travel.

But OP is still chatting and it’s nice to get involved so they can see how earnestly a view is held?