Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

They’re 5 and 9.

Other brother hasn’t offered to have them as he has plans, and I haven’t asked.

His view is “Groom is a prick tell him to piss off”

TBF not everyone has time to read 400 replies but would still like to offer advice. I agree the brother is behaving irrationally but the OP has been given plenty of solutions that have been poo pooed immediately

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet My uninvited brother lives near me, it’s the groom brother who lives 40 miles away

Why can't your brother who is not invited and who lives nearby, who you say you are 'really, really close to' look after the kids??

No need, apparently you can get 350 miles to the Highlands and back in one day, so OP can stay at the hotel and just pop the kids home on the magical cheap and definitely running train.

This is where the family up there try and assist by collecting her!

If they REALLY REALLY wanted her to be there.

I've spent my lunch break on this thread. It's hilarious. @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I hope you are taking the ridiculous comments in good humour.

@Becky6758 you are a mean girl

@OldGreyAppleTest, 14 years ago I missed my DB's 2nd wedding 350 miles away because I was 36 weeks pregnant, likely to deliver early and was at the stage of being incredibly uncomfortable and needing a wee every 20 mins. I'd previously missed his first wedding due to an air traffic control strike.

My very geeky DNeph set up a webcam for me. Not only did I see the wedding, but I was the only person who saw the massive row between my 2 SiLs! It wasn't ideal, but it was OK. Since he's just got divorced for the second time, I'm wondering what might make me miss next wedding.

(.... and DS came the evening we should have been on our way home;, and is Yorkshire born,rather than Cornish.

My car doesn't have air con. I am with the OP. After a 5 hour drive I'd want to stay 2 nights.

I agree!

I feel sorrier for the uninvited brother who this thread thinks is good enough to be last-minute childcare for the uninvited nieces/nephews but not good enough to attend his sibling's wedding.

The OP is not being unreasonable. If anything, the brother getting married is Mr Wickham and the OP is close to Georgiana in the manipulation stakes. Presumably, the uninvited brother has been banished to Cheapside.

I wouldn’t bother dropping them off anywhere, surely you could just leave them in the house and call social services when you’re on the motorway? It’s not ideal, but we’re talking about a wedding after all, I’m sure ss will understand.

You don't want to go

I do, I just don’t want to go alone

You're minimising his unhappy childhood and don't agree with going no contact with older brother

We had the same childhood - groom brother was a nasty bully who stole, physically hurt ha and was v v manipulative. Other brother got the brunt of it and fought back occasionally. But it doesn’t matter - we were kids and have been there for each other loads in adulthood. I have helped groom brother out with money more times than I remember, helped him move house, get jobs etc. the bullying claim is random and IMO, a person who was actually there, has no basis.

You're being judgy because it's his second wedding.

im really not, I just countered someone’s ‘once in a lifetime’ claim

I thought you already had put forward a solution that he comes to wedding with you?

Bottom line, t was never a great arrangement to exclude nephews and neices if expecting their parents to attend You tried, butbthings have gine awry, as they will in a pandemic. It's unfortunate but you can't go.

The whole family dynamic sounds quite stressful. Unless it's really out of character because of wedding stress, I'd be revaluating the relationship with DM and DB too

I've read some ridiculous posts on Mumsnet before but this thread beats them all. Some of the responses are nuts. Would people really leave their kids with relatives with covid, or people they've never met before?

OP, you can't go and YANBU. Your brother will have to suck it up!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

To answer your original question YABU. If it was me and my childcare had fallen through I'd have moved mountains for me to be there at least, there are cheaper bus options. It's clear you're not all that bothered about attending, which is really sad and I hope you don't live to regret it and that it doesn't rub off on your kids that family isn't all that important. I also think YABU for implying because it's his second marriage it doesn't matter

Why can't you all go to the destination, the kids stay with their dad at the hotel or go on a day trip and you go to the wedding?

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet so when you asked your groom brother if you other brother could accompany you he wouldn't have gone anyway as he thinks 'groom is a prick tell him to piss off' and you now say he has plans with his gfriend this weekend so why did you ask the groom brother if he could attend in DHs place?!

What is the point of this thread? You don't want to go, just don't go! Do you want everyone to slate your groom DB?

@JasmineIndigo why can't you read the thread

HANG ON. If the OP doesn’t attend a child free wedding, it will send the message to her children that family isn’t important. But their uncle getting married and not inviting them doesn’t send that message?

Am I high? Is this thread what drugs feel like?

Where is the wedding?
above Inverness or near?
there’s lots of travel options for the highlands, we aren’t totally inept up here!

or just don’t go.

amatsip · Today 12:52

''It seems the only solution you want is your brother saying yes invite the kids, nothing else will do.''

Except OP has clearly said she wouldn't want to spend out on the extra accommodation for the kids even if there was any left available which there isn't.

I have attended a wedding in the Scottish highlands. It is a huge pain in the arse, albeit very beautiful. We had to fly and then drive for three hours. Our hotel was a 50 minute drive from the venue. Factoring in the childcare issues it’s way too much to ask. It was less hassle going to a wedding in Portugal. Definitely wouldn’t be going alone or attempting it without being able to drive. OP INBU IMO.

Have you read OPs posts at all.
Many people have asked these questions and she's replied several times.

100% with you OP. You've made all reasonable efforts to be there, if they wanted you that badly they would invite the kids.
Just rip the plaster off and say you're not going.