Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@amatsip except that isn't the case at all if you read the thread and OP says even if they were invited now they have no rooms for them other than another costly hotel

Assuming uninvited DB drives, it's a shame groom DB wouldn't let him take DH's place. That would have neatly solved the logistics.

If you read the thread, or even OP's replies, the hotel room has been mentioned. More than once. As have the efforts made to try to secure a family room.

My goodness.

🤦‍♀️

<mops FlatBottomedGirl's brow>

No. Just no. I won’t leave my kids with strangers.

I don't think you need to go if groom can't flex at all, but if other DB lives close to you and would be available to travel with you (you'd suggested he comes instead of DH), can't the children stay with him?

@SurpriseSurprise and how does op get from the train station? There won't be an abundance of cabs willing to go to the highlands or affordable ?

If the brother had invited the OP’s children in the first place there wouldn’t be a problem. If you have a child free wedding this is what can happen (and I had a child free wedding so don’t have a problem with them)

A reality check mostly as my mum and brother are acting like the world has ended. My SIL-to-be is very upset too, apparently

You are being very sensible not going - you gave it a shot but things happened - your leg, covid in babysitters, train strikes.

Only few options you have are unbelievably expensive as to make then none options in reality.

I think it very sensible to not exposed your children to covid given their asthma and resting up your leg rather than racing round country so you can get on your holiday later on is probably sensible as well - though that may not go down well with wider family.

@toomuchlaundry exactly that

Careful, I made that joke and someone on a few too many weddings themselves called me a twat

Return train leeds to inverness going tomorrow back on Sunday is £160 return. 7 hours each way.

A 60 mile taxi journey from inverness station is coming in at about £150, so £300 there and back. So, going by train/taxi is closer to £500. Get a lift from the station in one direction and it is less than £400.

In your shoes, i wouldn't do it. The obvs answer is the kids should go too. Your bro wont budge on this, rhen the consequence of that is on him

He has plans with his GF, so I haven’t asked him and TBH he’s unbelievably hurt about being snubbed and the bullying in childhood accusation so it would be really insensitive of me to ask

Loving all these people who think a 700 mile round trip with a one night stay and a wedding in between is easy peasy. Just googled the time to drive Leeds to Inverness (and sounds like this is OP's minimum journey) and it will take about 7 hours excluding stops. So to take the whole family just so OP can attend the wedding would involve a minimum for 15 - 16 hours travel time in less than 48 hrs. Totally unrealistic and probably unsafe given there would only be 1 driver. Not to mention how the kids would cope. The fuel cost would also be significant.

OP don't go, you can't, it's just not practical.

Oif you are going to an a child free wedding during a pandemic there is a high risk that someone's childcare plans will breakdown at the last minute. If you don't have a backup plan to accommodate guests who are really important to you when that happens you're either daft, naive or selfish.

If only someone had suggested that before....this the 356th time
Doesn't work

Presumably one of the very upset, devastated-the-she’s-pulling-out family members will be willing to pick her up from the station?

Will they, OP?

I don’t know why you’re bothering to respond OP. You can’t go so there’s no point. It’s a wedding, he can still get married, he’s not dying. It’s not that important.

It’s 350 miles, a lot of which is in the Scottish Highlands. It won’t be 4 hours. We drive a Ford, not the Tardis!

In my view, even if the wedding was somewhere with loads of hotels and train access etc, at such short notice in the Summer holidays it would be very expensive to make new arrangements now.

When the B&G decided to have a child free wedding they knew that this would make it harder for some people to attend, and there is always a risk that child care arrangements fall through or a child becomes unwell etc. I can also entirely understand that they don't want inflame arguments with other people by allowing some people to take DC at the last minute. But that doesn't mean that guests with children are obliged to tie themselves in knots, spend a small fortune and put other people out to make sure that they can attend in any circumstances.

It's the risk of having a child free wedding that guests childcare could fall through and the guests couldn't go, and that this might be a close family member.
You brother and mother need to accept in order for you to be at the wedding you need to bring your kids otherwise you can't go.
Why are they both so devastated you might not be able to go, but your mum isn't concerned about your other brother (who you are closer to, if I read that correctly?) not even being invited?
I would just tell them you will not be coming now and leave it at that. It's not worth the stress, or the stupid amount in train or taxi fares.

No. Just no. I won’t leave my kids with strangers.

It's just one excuse after the next!

You and DH go, drop kids off at the nearest children's home!
Sorted.
You can pick them up as you drive home.

For goodness' sake OP, just make the Highlands smaller. That's all that will appease the posters banging on about getting a train and not making enough effort. Whether the ignorance is wilful or they don't realise, you're probably in for hundreds more "just get a train! You clearly don't want to go!" style posts.

Not at all. Op said to her recollection the brother getting married was the one bullying her other brother rather than the other way round. At the same she also implied there were no grudges from the past from her end.

Ha!

I genuinely don't get why people think that their wedding gives them the right to make other people tie themselves in absolute knots for the privilege of constituting their admiring audience.

They want you there that much, they can bloody well invite your children.