Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

5 and 9

Your making it difficult imo- get a train and go by yourself.

Op your mum, brother and sil to be may be upset but thats just unfortunate
I would of been upset my brother hadn't invited my kids in the first place , was your mum upset then ?
You have looked at options and they are not viable/ affordable
Other than your other brother maybe having the kids ? But is your mum not upset that he isn't invited
All sounds a bit of a mess and like bigger back story
But the reality is its not possible for you to go

Don't feel guilty OP. All your brother and SILtobe have to do is invite their 2 nieces and nephews to their wedding. Its hardly difficult to accommodate 2 children is it. Fucking weird not to invite nieces and nephews anyway. I take from this that you are not close at all for this to happen.

Exactly

YABU, OP. If you really cared, you’d be marrying him yourself!

Have you tried stealing a helicopter? Moving to the highlands? Inventing a time machine? Hopping? Commando crawling? Clearly you’re not invested in going.

@dmask how do you know as I don't remember the OP putting in her home town?

’So you win. Don't go.’

’There's an answer for everything. You win OP.’

These two quotes explain so much about the tone on this thread. Where does ‘winning’ even come into it?

Sometimes solutions are possible to implement for good, practical reasons and it just is what it is. Not everything in life is solvable and it’s not a personal insult if a solution you’ve proffered doesn’t translate to real life once the details are looked at.

get a grip.

Some of the replies you’ve had are absolute lunacy.

Proper aggressive blaming you for not being able to pluck a thousand pounds off your money tree so that you can do an 8 hour journey via a different country just to go to the wedding of someone who doesn’t care enough about your kids to invite them.

Or piling on because you won’t leave your young children with complete strangers.

And why? Because a man’s feelings might be hurt because he won’t get what he wants.

Fuck that. Any remotely workable solution sounds expensive, bonkers and exhausting.

Just don’t go.

Yeah project your brother issues on to the OP.

Wow. A giant READ THE FUCKING THREAD is warranted.

Are we really in a position where dropping well north of £300 is peanuts for so many people, whilst we are in a cost of living crisis?

Tell your brother you'll come to his wedding if he pays the additional costs for you. At the time of booking too so that he can't 'forget' to pay you back.

It's a wedding, not a court appearance.

Great post 👍

Yes I found that too for a return out today back Saturday.

Now I'd only do that IF someone would cones and collect me from the main station . If I have to do 8 hours inc 2 changes, SONEONE can drive 1-2 hours to assist to.

Else mum /brother aren't really that fussed you can't cone.

My uninvited brother lives near me, it’s the groom brother who lives 40 miles away.

Actually plan b… all go. You go to the wedding . Kids and husband don’t but have a day out elsewhere nearby. Everyone’s a winner providing you can rearrange your accommodation and add the kids on.

It seems the only solution you want is your brother saying yes invite the kids, nothing else will do.
You don’t mention the hotel room you already have paid out for.
it’s literally your way or no way.
It’s your brother I feel sorry for.

@LuckySantangelo35 not many 5yo do non-family sleepovers especially for 2 nights. Can quite understand OP not wanting to split the DC up

For some of the posters who are determined that the OP should go maybe one of them could offer to take her if they think it is so important

Oh. My. God.

YANBU. Something about weddings makes people lose their minds on MN, but in reality if you plan a childfree wedding and have relatives far away with children you expect to be there, then anything could happen to prevent that at the last minute. It's unfortunate but it's just one of those things. I'm sure your brother is disappointed but that's life. He'll have a good day anyway.

If your Mum, brother and SIL to be are upset do you think someone might chip in to help pay for another hotel that would accommodate the kids? Or possibly is there a bigger room that someone might be able to swap with so that the groom’s sister can come? Just a thought. I think I would try to go, but I’m really close to my brothers, but equally I think they would accommodate the kids! So it’s a bit swings and roundabouts I suppose. Hope you manage to find a solution that you feel happy with because it must be really stressful for you. Good luck OP

I just looked and the website is set up to make you select two singles for £320 (cunning bastards), but if you scroll down then, yes, there is a return for £160.

Now come on. Don't be daft.

Clearly the easiest thing would be to hitch hike, leaving now, with glad rags on ready.

OP has ignored this suggestion though. She obviously doesn't care enough about her brother ....

Not that I intend to have a wedding, but if I did it would be child-free. And I would take no offence at all if anyone couldn't come because of that. And I've already witnessed how childcare can fall through at the last minute so while this situation would be sad and annoying, I still wouldn't take offence or lay a guilt trip on anyone who had to drop out. Shit happens.

I think the done thing if you're a last-minute dropout is to send a gift that's at least equal in value to the money they'd have spent on your food?

No, that's not even a solution! There is no room at the Inn apparently so even if her brother were to say right now, bring the kids, she couldn't because where would they lay their heads?

Think you need to look at trains more closely, I just did a quick “trainline” enquiry and it came up with £161 return leaving today and returning on Saturday Leeds to Inverness.

I imagine your DB is gutted you aren’t coming, and tbh everything anyone has suggested has been shot down. Everyone has been trying to make suggestions but you’ve said no to all of them