Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

OP now you have mentioned your other brother is there any chance he could have your dc for you and you and dh attend as planned ?

I think.you need to be honest here.

1. You don't want to go

1. You're minimising his unhappy childhood and don't agree with going no contact with older brother

1. You're being judgy because it's his second wedding.

1. He probably now knows all of the above and would be really uncomfortable if by some miracle you did go.

So you win. Don't go.

Because (aside from the fact that there’s strikes planned, I didn’t know that til this thread) there are no trains that even touch anywhere near the venue. I’d have to have about 4 connections today/early hours, stay in a hotel and then get an expensive taxi to the venue. I’m not Elon fucking Musk, I can’t afford hundreds of £ out of nowhere

Genuine LOL here about the trains. As if the Highlands are a heaving metropolis of pendolino services. With stations in every village.

And camping! Other accommodation bookings! It's tomorrow not next month.

This thread is bonkers. People repeatedly suggesting you travel up on a 700 mile trip to have your DH and kids sit about in a playpark. Where are the kids meant to sleep? The car? If there's no room at the Inn, then... you can't magic up a set of bunk beds.

Honestly, people baffle me. The Op isn't making excuses, in her shoes I wouldn't be attending either.

DH and I pulled out of a wedding on the day once. We were snowed in. My mother suggested we walk to the train station 4 miles away. I explained it was snowed in too and no trains were getting there. She suggested we walked 18 miles along the motorway to get to the next station. I said no. It would take us many, many hours and was unsafe. She suggested she drove to get us. I reminded her of the snowed in situation and she wouldn't get closer than 20 miles from us. She was very cross i had knocked back all her wonderful ideas. But what can you do? If you can't get to a wedding, you can't get to the wedding.

All these posters claiming you're not trying hard enough really need to figure out if they would follow the ludicrous suggestions being made.

Night before wedding, night of the wedding.
350 miles is quite a long way to drive to a wedding on the day.

And if he really wants her there he needs to invite her kids.

Personally I would find friends willing to have my DC over, even if it meant splitting them up. Not sure why you think they won’t cope without eachother?
Next option would be to let your brother know that either you bring the kids or you can’t go, his decision but he can’t then complain. If he says they can come you’ll find a way re hotel rooms, maybe one DC sleeps in your parent’s room and you have the other.

This one is particularly insane. The bride and groom will have spent the money whether or not OP and DH go. And the risk was entirely theirs to take when they designated it a child-free wedding. It’s their party! You don’t reimburse people for parties you can’t attend.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

why should you sit through a wedding on your own?

erm you won’t be on your own, you’ll have all York family there. It would be fine.

all of you going and your husband taking your kids off whilst you go to wedding is the perfect option. I get the sense that you don’t want to do this though as you begrudge him having the audacity to have a child free wedding and not invite your kids

oh and the fact that it’s a second is of no relevance at all

Tell him you’ll go to the next wedding instead.

what hotel would allow you to bring an inflatable mattress? They have fire regs etc you can't just have extra people in a room

Both hotels in our case said it's fine as long as they know how many people are in the room. They didn't seem put out - I didn't have to beg, just explain.

There weren't any family rooms available on the website - as in the OP's case - but the hotel may well accommodate with a phone call.

OP? Worth a try?

They asked, the bride and groom were a firm no!

Utterly bonkers thread. It's almost like people aren't reading even the Op's messages.

Busted leg. Can't drive. No room at the hotel for children. No trains. Expensive taxis. Childcare random mates of the groom (but not closest enough friends to be invited). Children need childcare that are familiar with how to treat their asthma.

Actual solution (older brother provides drives Op & attends) rejected by the groom.

I think YABU. I have read all of your reasons and tbh it does read like you just don’t like the sound of those options. You are correct that it won’t be as much of an enjoyable experience if you choose one of the many options suggested to you but I would move heaven and earth to see my brother get married even if I only made it to the ceremony and I wouldn’t understand it if he didn’t do the same for me. He probably can’t make changes to the guest list so late in the day to accommodate your children.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet have you asked your DB (the one you are close too who isn't invited to the wedding) to look after your kids while you and DH attend the wedding?

If not why not as that seems a good solution?

I'm amazed at the battering you're getting on here @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Frankly I would have politely declined a wedding invitation from a sibling that excluded my children full stop - you were already being accommodating by making arrangements to go. If people place conditions on attendance for weddings etc they have to accept that people will not necessarily agree with those conditions.

The cost and logistics are ridiculous for you to attend the wedding...and let's face it, you've seen him get married once already.

If your brother is being an arse about this that speaks more about him than it does you. Hope your BIL recovers well from covid and you have a lovely family break in Turkey.

Let your groomzilla brother have all the tantrums he wants, it's not him that he's expecting to re-enact planes, trains and automobiles minus the dodgy company or to leave his children with complete strangers.

This is the price of a child free wedding IMO. Your brother will have to suck it up that you can’t attend as your kids aren’t allowed to come.

I hope your bil is ok. I have covid atm and it’s been horrible.

@Guiterrez as I said very lucky i have never had a hotel allow this and have asked , when not enough rooms etc
They do have to be very careful with fire regs etc and how many people in a room
Plus OP has said her mum has asked about a bigger room and told no so if camp beds were an option im sure that would of been suggested

Highlands you say op?
A lassoo.
Highland cow travel all the way!!
Sore arse but small price to pay!!

Lol at the suggestions people have come up with, at massive expense and inconvenience to herself and her family, to attend the second wedding of a brother she's not massively close to and has budged not one inch to facilitate her attendance (apart from suggesting she palm off her children for the day with complete strangers).

this is one of the reasons I love mumsnet. Only on mumsnet does the OP have every excuse to not do something.
OP, you missed out the fact you’re heavily pregnant and suffer from travel sickness and vegetarian and the wedding is only serving meat products.
😂

I don't think people get that 350 miles to the Highlands is not like 350 miles to a built up area. It's not motorways. Lots of the Highlands are single track roads with passing places. It would be a mission.

surprised ADHD hasn’t cropped up

Just checked train from Leeds to Inverness would cost £320. 8 hours, give or take, each way.

I just think that’s way too expensive. Our hotel room for 2 nights cost that!