Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

There are posters who will have you tie yourself in knots, risk getting ill, leave your children with complete ransoms and max out your credit card just to attend the wedding of people who have a set plan for the day with no wriggle room.

That's completely their prerogative, but they can't expect any of the above from you. It's disappointing for you all, but you can't magic up a solution.

Why not take the kids to the hotel that you have presumably booked and they can have a TV/games/craft day in the hotel with your husband whilst you go to the wedding (or part of it).

I couldn’t imagine my SIL saying no to her nieces and nephews attender her wedding! I completely understand why not all children, and i would do the same, but to say no to family? Nope that’s not okay and on that principle I wouldn’t go.

The only aspect where I think YABU is the leaving your dp to mind the kids..that would be perfectly ok to do IF all the other factors such as transport were possible but they're not. In the end, a wedding is a public ceremony, the only 2 people who really need to be there are the participants. Why don't you give a firm and regretful no but invite the happy couple to visit you when you're back from holiday, get a sitter and take them out for a nice dinner or something. That way you're indicating genuine regret that you can't make it and offering new idea that can include everyone.

Why do your husband and children need to sit in a hotel room whilst you’re at the wedding? You’re going for two nights, they could have some great adventures in the highlands, it’s beautiful. Just bring an inflatable mattress for them, they’ll have a great time.

Why on earth would @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet do that? 🙄

It's been mentioned multiple times that there are no family rooms left, they have checked.

@latetothefisting but OP has made another suggestion and is it really hard to believe in these current times that people don't have spare cash to pay out more ? Also back up childcare os great if you have it , OP family seem to live up north so not near them so that limits solutions straight away and she has said in fairness to brother wedding is near him
Anyway she has suggested an alternative and he has said no

We get on ok - not massively close, but in fairness distance is always a huge barrier in event years. We usually see each other at weddings and funerals.

Im very, very close to our other brother though.

Has anyone suggesting book another hotel actually been to the highlands in summer? It is £££ if there’s anything left. It gets very busy due to NC500 and tourists.

If he's offered childcare I'd take him up on it. Even if you haven't met them. It's your brother's wedding (again...).

Why, oh why, can’t people RTFT?

The OP has very clearly said that there are no trains that will get her there tomorrow and that the hotel can’t accommodate her children.

If you can’t be bothered to read all the posts, it’s very easy to highlight the OP’s and just read those.

Can your brother that's not invited have your kids?

Bit rude, but just wondering.

We've had to take our DC to a hotel in the Highlands at short notice (not for a wedding). The hotel was absolutely fine to use a couple of camp-type beds, that they kept for that purpose.

In fact, thinking about it, we've had to squeeze in 3 DC once to a double room (not a family room), and this was a chain hotel down south. Again, the hotel accommodated.

In the Highlands, for a wedding, they may well be perfectly happy to have a couple of LO in your room. Have you tried that?

Sorry if already asked but can your other brother that’s not going watch your kids overnight?

I really wouldn't go. Its too far, too much and not wanting to drag your DH and kids up all that way with you just to be spare parts is reason enough to say ''no''.

You did have childcare ; but it fell through. Absolutely ridiculous that your DB suggest they have them anyway. Balls to that.

I like a previous suggestion of arranging a get together with the DB after the event with his new wife. If it was about you being together, he should be happy with that.

@dmask what hotel would allow you to bring an inflatable mattress? They have fire regs etc you can't just have extra people in a room
They aren't staying at family or friends where this may work

You would leave your small children with people you’ve never met? Of course you would. Back on planet Earth nobody with sense does that.

How are you ‘flummoxed’? It’s a good 5.5 hour drive. Wedding is at noon. So have to set off at 5.30am tomorrow or stay tonight and leave during the night do. How is that flummoxing?

Because, as you say, you simply leave at 5.30am, do the wedding, stay the night of the wedding then set off the next day? That’s what’s flummoxing. We would do a 4hr drive each way anywhere without staying overnight, you just leave really early, get back late. Over 4hrs each way we would stay overnight. That’s from teens right through to now several decades later before kids, with kids and post kids.

And what is your other brother’s view on what you should do?

How old are your children?

I don’t know anyone that would leave their young children with randoms that their brother knows.

he’s not even friendly enough with him that they’re invited to their wedding…

Thats a ridiculous solution

@Guiterrez you were lucky then as many wouldn't , fire regs etc wouldn't allow some to
Some rooms are set up to have space for spare beds but not all are

People brother presumably isn't even that close to, as they won't be at the wedding.

Don't you? Really?

I think most reasonable people understand.

He's offered childcare from people who are complete strangers to the OP and he doesn't know well enough to invite to his own wedding! I wouldn't leave my child with complete randoms.