Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Nah just don’t go. It’s not worth it.

sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make someone else you LOVE comfortable

what submissive people pleasing bullshit is this?!?

The OP has already gone out of her way to make special arrangements to attend this wedding. Which have fallen through.

Now she’s expected to undertake an expensive and long journey with an injury or subject her household to a long, boring journey and couple of days to make someone else comfortable? Spend more money, as I dare say she’s already forked out a fair bit on hotel arrangements, presents, outfits etc to make someone else comfortable.

I’d be outraged if I didn’t find it laughable to try and encourage someone to do that to themselves!

plus train strike are cause.

My words were eaten - train strikes are causing issues with travel - we are certainly affected in a well connected bit of counrty.

OK in fairness to DB, it’s not arse-end for him as he lives about 40 miles from the venue, as do all his friends and his wife’s family. But it is for me and I would have assumed he’d have made the exception given we are so far away! Hey ho.

FWIW I asked if other brother (the one he isn’t inviting) can take my DH’s place because he’s nearby and I can get a lift and we could just put a big pillow down the middle of the bed etc. Groom DB said no

This thread is batshit.

Why are some posters not reading and so insistent that the OP goes to a wedding?

It's a child free wedding, this is what happens when childcare falls through and the brother needs to accept that.

@GCAcademic what a ridiculous comment. It's as diverse down here as anywhere and I certainly don't have a spare £1k and if I did, I wouldn't spend it on a wedding.

If my brother was getting married my husband would be more than happy to come and mind the children if that was the only viable solution..
Ditto for the other way around..
I definitely think that's the best solution, does your husband not want to do that?
I understand you don't want to ask but really, it's your brother's wedding, it's an exceptional and unfortunate situation but you could definitely go..

I really don't get some of these responses, it's making me angry just reading them.

Some people can't afford to spend hundreds on trains, taxis etc, some places don't have tons of hotels, some people don't want to hand off their children to others who are really suffering with covid and some brothers would allow their sisters children to be there if childcare has fallen through so late in the day.

Of course you aren't being UR OP.

Strictly child free weddings baffle me. I get not wanting kids of unrelated guests there, but I can't believe this brother doesn't want his own nephews and nieces there, like do they not count as immediate family? Can you not just take them? I'm sure other guests will understand?

Are You being serious? If the wedding starts at 12 they would need to set off at 5/6am, so by the time they’ve added time in to get showered and ready that becomes getting up at 3:30/4am and they would be knackered all day. There’s no point going all of that way and spending the money to not enjoy it.

If you don’t want to go because it’s going to be too much hassle getting there on your own then just tell him you can’t come.

If you had taken the time to read the thread your point has already been addressed. At least read the OP's posts.

Exactly, @Cornettoninja - with bells on. It's funny how it's always the woman given the submissive bullshit crap. I doubt that would be said to the brother.

Your bloody brother could also do the right thing and say bring the dc!!!! He had that option. If db is so keen to have op there he can come up with a perfectly simple solution.

This is getting better and better 😂😂

Why should “someone” pay for OP’s ticket though? This is so weird, since when are you obligated to pay a guests travel?

Clearly the kids not being invited isn’t strictly relevant and just an excuse because OP doesn’t particularly want to attend because if it’s too expensive for 1 person on the train the OP clearly wouldn’t have wanted to pay for the whole family.

Except of course when it’s a wedding and ITS MY BIG DAY and EVERYONE SHOULD GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO DO WHATEVER I WANT and I SHOULD BE SHOWERED IN GIFTS AND ATTENTION. And then there will be a baby and I’m going to make everyone fly to Africa AT THEIR EXPENSE and I’m going to hire a monkey to announce the baby to the world by holding it up into the sunlight and everyone will cheer and even Elton John will find childcare so OP definitely should be able to.

The hotel room isn't big enough and OP mother has asked about a bigger room and there are none.

It means ringing round to see if there is a another hotel with big enough room and then apparently paying again for room. OP doesn't want to spend extra cash and not be with her DH and kids for most of the trip - I image I wouldn't be keen for extra outlay if I was off on holiday soon either.

There's no room at the hotel to accommodate the children staying, so even if OP were prepared to leaving her DC with a babysitter she's never met (and is not close enough to her brother to attend the wedding either), where would they sleep? In the car?stay at this kindly babysitter's house overnight as well?!?

Don't go then, you clearly don't think there's a solution for you other than for him to say your kids can go

I think people are being too hard on you.

I was in your position when my youngest was a baby. No kids allowed, and I had no one to leave her with. I don’t drive, and we don’t live near family. I said I couldn’t go, and you’d have thought the world had ended - not just a sister he hardly spoke to, and my husband I don’t think he’d ever spoken to, not attending.

In the end my dad lost his temper with them, and said if it meant so much to them, let her (me) bring the baby. They did, but soooo grudgingly. I’d rather not have bothered!

.... I think this has been covered a few times....

this pretty much!!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable not to want to travel up there with DH and kids and then attend on your own while they sit around doing nothing!

People here saying if you really wanted to go you would find a way. But on the other hand, if DB really wanted you there, he would find a way to invite the kids to the wedding so that you didn’t have to leave them with strangers! If he’s not willing to make any compromise why should you?

In Covid times you have to accept that some people will drop out last minute. As it is, we had an outbreak even though no-one was actually ill on the day. The first person tested positive the day after the wedding and within a week 15 out of 100 guests were ill.

We had some very close relatives drop out of our wedding due to them being ill with it but they lived close enough, thankfully, to do a socially distanced chat in the car park during the day instead.

With all the things conspiring against you I don't think you're unreasonable in not being able to go.

Your DB's wedding is obviously important to him, and he's allowed to be upset that you can't go, but to be pissed off about it is unreasonable.