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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to a person’s 4th wedding

192 replies

Whingebagg · 19/07/2022 15:32

Just that really. Being a guest can be expensive. All the travel too. Finding babysitters. IMO she needs to stop getting married. It’s not working for her. I want to politely decline but I know she’s going to take it badly.

OP posts:
Hollywolly1 · 19/07/2022 19:01

Could it be that she knows someone that makes wedding cakes and is availing of special prices from them

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 19:03

People who stay married can also be shit parents, maybe her daughter is happy for her?

Original poster
Whingebagg · 19/07/2022 19:09

@Hollywolly1 She has a different dress each time.
As for bridesmaids, she has a mixture of people who’ve been her bridesmaid before, and new friends she’s picked up along the way. I was bridesmaid for wedding 1, would have been for wedding 2 as well but I was pregnant. No way would I have been for wedding 3 😂

OP posts:
Stravaig · 19/07/2022 19:10

Add up how much you've spent on her first 3 weddings - clothes, travel, accommodation, childcare, lost income, gifts. RSVP no, and if (when) she complains, tell her the total for the first 3, and that you think she should stop getting married.

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 19:11

Why not? can't you just go on her slightly circuitous journey with her?

Mellowyellow222 · 19/07/2022 19:15

The more important question is why is she your friend when you clearly don’t really like her?

and why are you who offended by this invitation and her wedding plans?

Original poster
Whingebagg · 19/07/2022 19:15

@Angelinflipflops please tell me where I said divorced parents are bad parents? Would you like to have grown up, sharing your house with a new strange man every couple of years? It’s all the poor girl knows. Her daughter is not happy for her. She’s like a niece to me. Please don’t say stupid things.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 19/07/2022 19:16

I have a friend who had done this big white wedding 4 times. I went to the first three. She did a fucking gift registry for every wedding.

I'm sure when the toaster dies she moves onto the next husband.

Her Instagram has three of her weddings on if you scroll back-all the prep, pictures 🤦🏻‍♀️

ReneBumsWombats · 19/07/2022 19:25

I'm sure when the toaster dies she moves onto the next husband.

That's idiotic. She should make it a George Foreman grill.

Hannahlouiset · 19/07/2022 19:27

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TillyTheTeddy · 19/07/2022 19:34

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Sandra1984 · 19/07/2022 19:36

is your friend called Jennifer Lopez? 😂

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 19/07/2022 19:36

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/07/2022 16:51

I'm in a similar predicament but will go for the sake of peace. It's also a massive wedding and they've asked for money for gifts. You don't do that with a forth wedding imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

That takes some brass neck.

Cloverforever · 19/07/2022 19:41

ChinBristles · 19/07/2022 17:50

FFS! I can't find ONE man to marry me! How come some folk get married so often?!

Maybe you have higher standards or better taste?

Gardengirl108 · 19/07/2022 19:45

Invitations are just that - invitations - not a summons. If you don’t want to go, send your regrets and a gift.

Phobiaphobic · 19/07/2022 19:47

Whingebagg · 19/07/2022 15:52

I think that’s what is annoying me about it. I wouldn’t expect anybody to come to my third or fourth wedding. I wouldn’t even have a big wedding. She made a big fuss before her third when a couple people said they couldn’t make it. She was acting like it was her first wedding.

This. She needs to get over herself, and understand a fourth wedding is more an embarrassment than a celebration.

Aprilx · 19/07/2022 19:50

I am more accepting of my friend’s choices than that. I have a friend who was married three times, I was happy to go along, I know it is not the norm on mumsnet, but I enjoy a wedding. She has been married fifteen years now and is very happy.

MRex · 19/07/2022 19:54

ChinBristles · 19/07/2022 17:50

FFS! I can't find ONE man to marry me! How come some folk get married so often?!

They just keep getting it wrong.

I was late to settling, and often told that I was being too picky. I really wasn't, a life together can tricky enough to navigate without picking one of the incompatible guys I'd dated before. I shudder to think, to be honest. It's fairly easy to pick up a waste of time, in my experience that's much easier than finding a good man.

ItsnotaHenryMoore · 19/07/2022 19:55

MayThe4th · 19/07/2022 18:38

If someone posted here that they were seeing someone but had some reservations because they’d been married 3 times they’d be told to run for the hills.

Quite apart from anyone who addicted enough to marriage that they’re prepared to do it over and over and over again, I find it baffling that anyone would want to be someone’s 4th husband or wife.

One of my ex’s is on his 4th marriage and 6th engagement. Fact is he jumps right in and declares his ever lasting love to wife of the hour, and then it fizzles out for whatever reason and so he moves on.

Yes, I would have agreed when I was younger but I am DH's 4th wife and we're heading up towards 20 years together. And life is pretty good.

He only has one DC (with me!) and I must admit if he'd had lots of offspring with lots of women, things would have been different.

Theluggage15 · 19/07/2022 19:56

Yes sounds like she’s keener on weddings than marriage. Don’t bother going OP.

BurningTheToast · 19/07/2022 20:01

You don’t need to go. I didn’t even go to my dad’s fourth wedding. Just make an excuse.

rosemarysageandthyme · 19/07/2022 20:02

Just say, sorry cant make it but will come next time

Frazzled2207 · 19/07/2022 20:03

It’s fine to decline
but a friend of mine did have three fairly awful marriages and her fourth is now 15 years old and going strong

OooErr · 19/07/2022 20:06

YANBU.
Why would you spend money on something that’s a waste of time and you’re not happy to support?

AliceMcK · 19/07/2022 20:08

Haha I just jumped onto FB to check this isn’t about a woman I went to school with. She likes to get married a lot to men she barely knows, has DCs with each one.