To not want to go to a person’s 4th wedding

[Whingebagg]

Just that really. Being a guest can be expensive. All the travel too. Finding babysitters. IMO she needs to stop getting married. It’s not working for her. I want to politely decline but I know she’s going to take it badly.

The OP does say 'I know she's going to take it badly'. This implies emotional blackmail- or perhaps that the OP just pre-emptively expects emotional blackmail.

It’s not really about the number of marriages. It’s about expecting people to spend a lot of money and effort in attending a public declaration of commitment. Which is clearly useless, as said commitment has already been broken multiple times.
*dead spouses don’t count because it’s till death do us part anyway. Nothing broken there.

That’s cheeky.

It really isn't to the person concerned.

I think guests at a fourth wedding might best be restricted to a/family and b/close friends.
Emphasis on the close.
It's odd to expect anyone else to come. It's odd to even invite them.

Of course it is, when they're on their forth go round! Who could possibly take them seriously?

What if it's the first wedding for one party tho? (Not in this case obvs) (esp the bride, might be her only chance for the big dress and inviting all the family!)

I'd go. I know it's a pita but she's your friend. And this might be the one that sticks!
She wouldn't be get a spendy present though 🙂

😂😂😂

I'd go! She sounds a right laugh! :) I wonder what the 5th one will be like? Some people do love getting married!!

I'd be far too lazy for all that marrying and divorcing. I'd enjoy a good tempestuous affair and then on to the next without all the legal nonsense and the moving in together malarkey.

What I am saying is that it obviously isn't meaningless to them.

If you’re not able to wish them well sincerely, you certainly shouldn’t attend.

It really is. Marriage is about committing to spending the rest of your life with someone. If someone is getting married for a fourth time, then that meaning clearly isn’t there for them.

People can be unlucky, things go wrong and divorces happen. However if you get to wedding number four then you’re clearly doing something wrong.

Marriage is about committing to spending the rest of your life with someone.

Marriage is a financial contract that can and should be dissolved if one or both people no longer want to be married.

If you're determined to see it out to death no matter what, you can. Other people's marriages are nothing to do with you.

Financial contract? Ok if you say so. I think most would agree there is a lot more to it than that.

Only if you want there to be. Legally, that's all it is.

On a personal level, it can mean whatever each couple wants it to mean. But you can't dictate that everyone else must feel the same way. If you think it should never ever be done more than once, twice at a pinch, because it's about being very special and lifelong, you can live that way. That's your prerogative. But you don't get to impose it on other people. If they're free to marry, they can.

Ok if people want to enter into a series of financial contracts during their lifetime, yes that is their perogative.

Personally I got married for romantic and emotional reasons, forming a long commitment to the person I love.

I’ll let other posters comment on which they think is the norm.

After a second marriage people should just give up onna big wedding and get married at the registrary office with no people invited.

It is pretty pathetic really if you invite people over and over to a wedding everyone know will be your 4th 🤣.

But hey. It might be a fun wedding/party

So. Go if you want. And stay home if you dont want to. Simple

Well that's great for you. Your long and loving marriage is its own benefit and not really relevant to anyone else.

I don't think the "norm" matters much, does it? It's between the couple. Open marriages probably aren't the "norm", but they happen. Might not be for you, but they work for some people.

Of course, if the kids are being constantly uprooted and having new partners in and out of their lives all the time, to their detriment, that's another matter. But very few posters seem to have that as their primary concern. Even OP didn't mention it in her initial post; that was just about the cost and inconvenience to her. The daughter came up later.

Most people just seem to have an objection to the idea of marrying multiple times because it isn't what THEY think is proper.

How much judgement?

@Doris86 I’ll let other posters comment on which they think is the norm

This isn't what the thread is about and how narrow minded of you to decide what is the norm in life, marriage and relationships.

Err that’s exactly what this thread is about. Discussing reasons why you might not want to attend someone’s fourth wedding.

Narrow minded? I wasn’t expressing an opinion, i was opening the point up for discussion to get others opinions. That’s how discussion forums tend to work, people discuss things. The point that people only enter into marriage for financial reasons seems a valid point to discuss.

How do you mean she sounds a right laugh? As in she's a fun person to be around or a good opportunity to make fun of her?

Can only assume you mean the second as the first wouldn't use emotional blackmail to make people go to her numerous weddings, getting upset if people don't attend. They wouldn't care, they'd just invite someone else.

Op, I'd use any excuse not to go, you're washing your hair, going on holiday, would rather watch paint dry etc. She clearly has no understanding of what a long term relationship means and doesn't care, it's an odd excuse for an expensive party, maybe to prove she is popular? Who knows, she sounds odd regardless. Leave her to it, maybe go to the 5th/6th. Your kid will be a bit older by then.

Some people do indeed marry for financial reasons. How many times do we tell SAHMs on here to marry for their protection? How many loving and emotionally committed couples marry because of the extra rights and tax breaks it gives them?

Not everyone marries for love. Some marry for children, security or for cultural conformity.

Legally, it's a financial commitment with certain implications. It's not romantic or moral to ignore or downplay that fact when entering into it. It's foolish.

Wow. Why is she a dick? Just because things haven't worked out for her in the past

You are not obliged to go. Politely decline. (You sound as though you don't wish them well anyway )