To be annoyed with MIL

[LeafHunter]

DHs family always go away each year. It’s him, his four siblings and everyone’s partners and children. We’re going on 2nd august.

MIL had just text to say she’s tested positive for Covid and so has cancelled the family holiday. She said she can’t guarantee she will be testing negative by then. FIL is negative currently.

Im annoyed as we’ve booked all flights, car hire etc. PIL pay for the villa and we all pay for the rest. This is widely out of character for them.

And it would be really unusual to still test positive after 14 days.

I just had covid and tested negative on day nine. Everyone I spoke to thought that was unusually long compared to their experience

This is so weird-it’s two weeks away-of course she will be negative by then. And how does she think it’s fair that she gets her money back but no one else does?

Bonkers. I’d book my own accommodation next time as well. It all sounds incredibly controlling.

personally I would take the money, tell everyone and have a great time and cope with the children without her. She obviously can’t stand the idea of not being involved/in charge.

What a truly selfish, self absorbed thing to do.

Awful behaviour.

You book and pay for flights and on her whim she cancels.

Appalling behaviour.

I can't get over her begging you all NOT to travel without her. I assume she hasn't offered to pay everyone's expenses ??

feels like MIL is being selfish and just projecting that its for eveyrone elses benefit for babysitting etc. If there are four families going then there will be adults there that can babysit for SIL to get some time to themselves.

feel for you OP and hopefully it can be sorted out

This is very weird….
MIL is saying I’m not going so none of you can… and FIL will pay but don’t tell MIL…. Very odd behaviour.

I would get your DH to contact FIL and tell him how much money everyone is going to loose. Also tell him that MIL would be negative by the holiday so why on earth did she cancel and ruin everyone else’s holiday? PIL should rebook the villa for everyone to enjoy or refund all the cancelled car hire and plane costs. It’s entirely their responsibility as MIL cancelled on her own whim.

I would also be saying that with this experience you will not be going with them ever again.

The notion of FIL paying for it and pretending you did, is bonkers and could end up with you being significantly out of pocket.

How? If Fil’s paying, how is anyone out of pocket?

Because FIL may deny having had the conversation and OP and her DH end up paying for everyone's holidays.

Then they don’t tell anyone until the money’s in their account or the villa’s paid for by Fil.

A villa just for you or for all the family?

I'm confused.

You will lose money off your car hire and flights. You will also be sitting around in the UK on a staycation with that holiday lost. Why can't just you and your DH and any DC just book accommodation and then go on holiday?

Why do your in-laws dictate where and how you spend your limited holidays? It's out of your control that she has covid, and regrettable that you all can't go together, but why does everyone else have to be miserable over it?

TBH I think your MIL is controlling with a sweet smile on her face with a couple of emotional blackmail jibes thrown in. She thinks no one can cope without her/ doesn't want to miss out.

PIL should rebook the villa for everyone to enjoy or refund all the cancelled car hire and plane costs. It’s entirely their responsibility as MIL cancelled on her own whim.

I’m not sure I totally agree that it’s their responsibility to pay. As I said upthread, this is always the risk you run with group bookings. Imagine if you’d agreed to share a house with a friend. Friend books it. She is ill and can’t go and can get the money back on insurance. Not entirely unreasonable to do that…..if you’re happy to use your own flights and book a hotel room. What’s so odd is the insistence that nobody else goes. (Different again if MIL had booked the whole thing - flights and all - and could get a refund. But everyone had booked at paid for their own in this instance.)

Some row had taken place that you don't know about. My bet would be MIL and SIL have fallen out. Large grown up families can be a pain in the back side ime. I'd keep well out if I were you.

I really want to know what MIL thinks about everyone loosing flight and car hire money AND having booked holiday leave from work? Has your DH told her what was spent on flights and what was her answer??
Literally can’t understand why you wouldn’t just book a place for you, DH and kids to stay and have a holiday.

Just got back from a Spanish Island. DH caught Covid out there. We only found out because he had a strange turn and had to go to hospital where he was tested. The doctors weren’t bothered by the result and told him just to relax for a day or two and carry on with his holiday as normal. No need to inform anyone or to isolate. DS and I tested negative. She is being ridiculous. Spain does not require a negative test and she will be negative long before then anyway.

Because the OP doesn’t want to tell lies and possibly be put in an awkward situation. Not to mention setting a precedent.

Has it been confirmed that PIL will actually be refunded ? Only asking because I would have thought the insurance company would be thinking along the same lines as thread contributors - that MIL will be fine and testing negative by the time the holiday is due so no reason not to go unless she is unwell at the time, in which case cancel then.

I'd just book a smaller villa/hotel and take my holiday. The other siblings can do the same. You can all meet up for dinner/beach days etc, without living together 24hrs a day. Then after you return you can all tell MIL how much better it worked out and that in future this is the format you'll all be taking. You all get your holiday, she looses controlling you all.

Personally I'd have never agreed to go - perhaps for a special birthday/anniversary but not as my main holiday every year.

Does your MIL realise that this will be the last of these family holidays because of what she is doing. None of you will ever have faith that it will still go ahead

Why can you all split the villa without them? She’ll be neg by then 2nd of aug is ages away!!

Wow your PIL sound very controlling. If they’re not there they don’t want anyone there. I would 100% still go!

The OP has addressed this already. Not everyone can afford their share of the villa if PILs are not paying.

The thing that makes me say that is that there was no discussion. MIL just upped and cancelled without talking to the rest of the family. Suggesting that she didn’t want anyone to go if she couldn’t. And as this seems to have been a regular annual family holiday, the siblings have not budgeted for the villa, so couldn’t just book something themselves.

They both said they feel responsible for the holiday and that it is for everyone - if they can’t come then there is no one to babysit SIL children etc (only under 5s on the holiday)
Bit weird, why can't one of the other siblings babysit her kids or she can look after her own kids. Surely SIL would rather have a holiday with no babysitting, than no holiday at all. MIL obviously thinks she's very important and nobody would want to go without her