To be annoyed with MIL

[LeafHunter]

DHs family always go away each year. It’s him, his four siblings and everyone’s partners and children. We’re going on 2nd august.

MIL had just text to say she’s tested positive for Covid and so has cancelled the family holiday. She said she can’t guarantee she will be testing negative by then. FIL is negative currently.

Im annoyed as we’ve booked all flights, car hire etc. PIL pay for the villa and we all pay for the rest. This is widely out of character for them.

It’s what’s on offer if they don’t want to lose their money. Their choice.

Lying to his selfish wife isn't a fair 'compromise' to the OP and other involved parties.

Pretending to pay would be ridiculous in terms of changing the future dynamic with all other family members, including MIL - she might even think they should just pay in future for everyone. Really hope you got something sorted OP, proper shite situation!

As with most threads and comments, I am shocked by the sense of entitlement you all seem to have. No sympathy for the MIL and only a "we deserve it" from FIL. Maybe it is time for the PIL to send you all off on your holidays on your own where you all pay for your own families and they spend their money on cruises snd holidays without hangers-on.

These people are going to lose money because they booked for flights, rental cars etc BECAUSE the MIL organised a holiday for them all.

It is not entitled to expect that the agreement be kept rather than them lose all that money??

I am confused as to who you think should cover all those costs that will be lost if the holiday doesn't go ahead??

Plus the annual leave. I know I can't move mine within the school holidays as it's planned out fairly in advance, so at least some might now be off work and unable to afford to go anywhere, having spent their holiday budget on the flights.

Honestly, there's only one sensible solution.

You & immediate family book affordable alternative accommodation which fits with existing flights & car hire.

Enjoy holiday.

If other siblings can join you, & you want to hang out together, great, but only if it works out seamlessly.

Never agree to ILs plans again. You have an absolute get out forever. Bonus.

That's so selfish of her.
Syhell more than likely be negative in time for the holiday. If she isn't, why can't everyone else still go?? If it was me, I'd rather everyone else still go than the entire family waste money, annual leave, items bought especially, time planning, etc.
Your father in law sounds well meaning but definitely under the thumb!
I'd find the cheapest place available, even if that means all staying seperately in smaller accomodation, and just go. Look on multiple websites for hotels, villas, b&bs, other private rentals, etc. People often advertise on Facebook marketplace too, especially when they have a last minute cancellation. Or you can find local holiday home owner groups on Facebook too. You definitely find something a little more reasonable. You could just go with your husband if no one else wants to!

I think the main issue is she has cancelled without discussing it with anyone. If she'd given you a heads up you could have had the opportunity to sort something out and maybe cover costs etc so at least some of you could have had a holiday. She has taken that choice out of your hands. I don't know if there are other things at play here that she isn't telling you but yes, based on what you've posted I would be annoyed, especially if it's an overseas flight where you've paid for flights.

@LeafHunter any further updates on the situation please?

Not really an update.
DH has spoken to the SIL whose children were used as the reason for PIL needing to come on holiday. She’s made it clear she can’t afford to book anything else but has also said PIL paid for her flights so she isn’t losing out on the holiday and car rental but not the flights.

DH and I have found a few options for just us if needed, and for us and one of BIL to share.

I want to reiterate that none of us (that I’m aware of!) have asked for this holiday or any of the previous ones. We talked about all paying for a spain villa instead of PIL but as some people felt they couldn’t afford it we then offered cheaper in the UK. MIL said no, they wanted to treat us. It’s definitely not entitled from DH and siblings as they’ve tried to do things differently.

Ah @LeafHunter MILs stance makes a bit more sense then if she also paid for SILs flights.
Definitely book something to use the flights, either with or without BIL and this does seem like the perfect time to say that a big UK holiday from now on rather than a 2 week foreign trip.

Absolutely. High time they started spending their money on themselves and let their entitled kids start paying for their own holidays.

I have no idea why some posters are having a pop at the OP for being entitled, I would say agreeing to go on this holiday is kind of them - agreeing to a holiday en masse with PIL is more than I would agree too. OP i hope you and your family get sorted there is no way i would be losing that money or disappointing myself by not going away because others cant afford too - SIL doesnt stand to lose as much and surely cant resent others going away.

Yes, incredibly selfless accepting free holidays in a villa with a pool for ten years.

@Blossomtoes my in laws could offer me a holiday to the moon and it would still be a chore because they are bloody hard going. The mil doesn’t have to martyr herself and pay for these holidays, she is paying for them because rather than the humble U.K. holiday the children could afford ( and would rather do) she’d rather go somewhere posh and as such she pays for it.

However her children, spouses and grandchildren are all out a holiday because they can’t get a refund on their flights like the PILs, have now wasted their annual leave, and now have no holiday as a result.

It was the Mils choice to take over and control the holidays and pay for something grander than the others can afford themselves, she should have let everyone go on without her since the others can’t get their money back or change their annual leave.
I’d never go on holiday with her again and seriously cut down on contact after this chaos if she were my mil.

Yeah, I'd be going NC with them over this. Utterly, utterly unacceptable and selfish

I haven’t rtft OP, but all this talk of not being able to guarantee she’ll test negative really annoys me! I mean her annoying me, not you!

She needs to take a deep breath. This notion of having to test negative in order to be able to do stuff is causing confusion. Back in the mists of time when I had Covid (2020), you were specifically told not to test for 3 months afterwards because you were likely to be shedding virus and therefore test positive even though you were way past being infectious. For situations where you had to prove you were safe ie Covid pass events etc, showing that you had tested positive in the last 6 months was deemed sufficient.

Then testing on day 5 and 6 to get released from isolation came in. Some people seem to have got hold of the idea that you have to test negative to show you haven’t ‘got it’ anymore. It riles me to a surprising degree!

I’m pretty sure that MIL would not need to test negative in order to go on this holiday. Either there will be no testing, or she will get round it by showing that she has tested positive more than 10 days ago. If that weren’t the case, then I think that would mean the regime is more restrictive than it was 2 years ago! She needs to get a grip and look at what the rules for the airline actually say, or at least she should have done! Ridiculous to cancel everything.

@LeafHunter I must admit though, I'm very shocked that you'd willingly turn down FIL's offer and forfeit everyone's holiday (inc. 5 children who some of, or possibly all, will have been counting down the sleeps to and been very excited for) just because you don't want to tell a little white lie about who paid.

You mentioned earlier that there's at least two couples who will almost certainly not be able to afford a holiday otherwise, so what about them? Surely telling a small, ultimately meaningless lie in order to reinstate holidays for 5 children and 2+ couples on a low income, is a small price to pay? Is it not?

Don't get me wrong, I admire principles and despise lying at the best of times but this is one of those times where it needs to be done for the greater good of all.

Oh and the 2+ low income couples will no doubt have paid for flights which won't be refundable under these circumstances! That loss will be a HELL of a lot more devastating for them than (by your own admission) it is for you

If you read the thread you will see that PIL paid for those flights.

If you read the thread you will see that PIL paid for those flights.

Paid for the (single parent?) SIL with DC under 5 flights, there is another low income sibling who presumably will still be out of pocket

@ThePumpkinPatch I can totally see why OP
And her DH wouldn't get involved in FILs lie.

MIL isn't thinking straight. Even if he did handover the money, who's to say MIL wouldn't ask for it back.

It's a messy situation and no way would I be picking up the reins on it.

Best thing OP can do is salvage their own holiday.

Well that's not the ops fault is it seeing as this would have been her first holiday with them

Very selfish of her!