To be annoyed with MIL

[LeafHunter]

DHs family always go away each year. It’s him, his four siblings and everyone’s partners and children. We’re going on 2nd august.

MIL had just text to say she’s tested positive for Covid and so has cancelled the family holiday. She said she can’t guarantee she will be testing negative by then. FIL is negative currently.

Im annoyed as we’ve booked all flights, car hire etc. PIL pay for the villa and we all pay for the rest. This is widely out of character for them.

You're staying out of it but are going to insist on telling the truth? Not exactly sure how that works?

I suspect the MIL doesn't realize how much money it is costing to do the flights etc. If she is so not in control of her money that FIL can pay and lie then I'd say she has no clue.

She needs it spelled out exactly how much money everyone is losing by not going.

Maybe SIL is the golden child? In that case, good luck!

I would 100% take FIL’s money, rehire the villa with it, and once there tell every single sibling that he was the one to pay but wanted you to lie about it to stop MIL finding out. Put the madness out in the fresh air. And have a wonderful time away to show that SIL doesn’t need specific babysitters for the holiday to go smoothly.

It’s so bizarre she’s asking you not to go on holiday at all – does she think you can un-cancel your annual leave? Get your flight and car hire back? Just enjoy no holiday?

Next year, don’t agree to the holiday.

Seems an odd thing to do, to just cancel without liaising with the family first? There must be more to this, another reason why she doesn’t want to go perhaps. Especially as it’s so out of character. If your PIL had paid the hire cost of the villa, why haven’t they said, we aren’t going but you can have the villa.

So your options are, book accommodation just for your family, share accommodation (if you can find one suitable for all the family and split the cost) not travel and lose the cost of flights & car hire, have you checked your insurance policy, you may be able to claim for the flights & car hire if a member of your party is unable to travel due to illness. If that’s the case you may be able to book another holiday.

Good luck.

I would 100% take FIL’s money, rehire the villa with it, and once there tell every single sibling that he was the one to pay but wanted you to lie about it to stop MIL finding out. Put the madness out in the fresh air

This is what i would do, I'd want to.make sure I still got my holiday and so did everyone else.

I wouldn't book with the in-laws again though!

That's really sweet of your flu though.so could you just see it as a really sweetvoffer and take it.would it matter if they thought you paid if you all got the holiday.
I hope your dh was really kind to his dad when he offered sounds like he really wants to do the right thing.
Your saying your staying out of it but your not op.and you won't. You literally just aid your not taking the money and why.
Could he talk to the other sibling who could afford it.
Way to win over an evil mil too( if this is infact what she is thoufh!)
Plus your part of the family now.you can have a say in this.

Ah this is the best option.allrhough from what he's done done them I really don't want to hurt the fil!

Could you get travel insurance now and then claim on it in 10 days or so?

The flights & car hire can’t be refunded, so they’re all losing their money on travel that’s pointless without somewhere to stay.

I read it as her not being prepared to lie in order to get the villa paid for. Agreeing to lie is taking a side. It taints her relationships with her B&SiLs.

OP presumably doesn’t want to be seen as the font of largess that they have not provided. Possibly, OP doesn’t actually want people to think that’s the sort of thing they might be able to expect of her and DH in the future, or any of the many other assumptions family sometimes makes when one member makes gestures outside the norm. In any case, when it all comes out down the line, it is unlikely to improve OP or DH’s relationships with the rest of the family, or MiL.

OP may already have insurance. The issue is that she most likely doesn’t have an event that would trigger the insurance to pay out, and she’s unlikely to in 10 days either.

One thing I would definitely do is never go on holiday with mil again. No chance.

I wonder what you think is fair if this was a friend rather than MIL. If I was in MIL and got covid, I probably wouldn't want to fork out for a villa that I couldn't go to especially if I could get it back on insurance. I appreciate that it's really crap at your end so would it be fair for you to split it between all the families i.e. MIL/FIL pay their share as does everyone else.

The PILs do know that the flights and car hire - which we assume each of their DCs families paid for themselves- is non refundable, right?

The whole premise is just crazy. Pay for the villa, or don't pay for the villa, it doesn't then give you control over other peoples money.

The notion of FIL paying for it and pretending you did, is bonkers and could end up with you being significantly out of pocket. I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

If I was being kind, I'd say they were feverish with the Covid and not thinking straight.

It's very generous of FIL to want to pay. MIL needs to accept with a large amount of people going anyone could get sick at any time ,
It's a holiday she wanted for everyone and seems to be everyone or no one in her eyes

Oh and I'd definitely spend today looking for a nice little apartment for your family only, no way would I lose the cost of flights and car hire.

@ChimChimeny so you don't mind lying as long as you get to make trouble? Nice.

Also I'd be surprised if ILs could get insurance reimbursement for the whole cost of the villa.

Firstly unless FIL also comes down with Covid, she's unlikely to still be infectious at the time of travel, unless doctors note that she is too unwell to travel. Secondly insurance usually only covers your part of the costs - I checked this out regarding a shared rental with SIL and family.

It sounds like he meant just a house for them! Not for everyone , so they get a holiday and the others pay for flights they aren’t taking.. that is not exactly fair either!!

is sil the only daughter and completely reliant on mil to function as a parent? I can’t think of any other explanation for thinking someone can’t go on holiday at all if they haven’t got babysitters!!

Does she fully understand that each of you have spent out on flights etc but won't now get a holiday?

Does FIL mean to hire a villa for all of the family that he will pay for, or just you and DH?

I'm guessing that's the end of the big family holiday tradition. Who would want to risk that size of expense only for it to be turned into a waste of money by one of the group.

And this is one of the many reasons why I would never go on a big extended family holiday!!

So, do your in-laws understand that you will lose your flights and car hire costs, but still decree that a holiday must not be had unless they come?

It’s 2 weeks away and mil still insists she can’t go due to covid?

They gave you no opportunity to take on the villa yourselves and between the siblings.

Your mil sounds like a lunatic.

They don't seem to be understanding that everyone else will lose money on their flights though so unless the PILs have paid for the two families who wouldn't be able to afford a holiday without PIL support they have shafted the very people they are supposedly helping. Why do they need to go to babysit, surely SIL would rather go on a holiday without PILs to babysit rather than not go at all. Can't help but believe PILs want to be the heroes supplying everyone with a holiday and the minute they can't go they withdraw the help and leave everyone else out of pocket.

Indeed. This is the problem with group holidays. Youre always reliant on everyone else being reliable.

@Gazelda it's clear it's for the whole family.

@LeafHunter she is rather full of her own importance isn't she? It won't be the same without them? How will 10 adults cope without HER to babysit. She's given no thought to expenses you've all already encountered.

im sorry she has covid & is unsure she'll feel well enough to go & I can understand her wanting to claim back on her travel insurance & not pay for a villa she's not getting to go to. BUT you don't do this to your kids! If they can afford it and it's given in a 'have it & enjoy it now before we die' manner then why not just treat the kids anyway, ESPECIALLY when they've spent money on flights/rental cars etc that they can't claim back and how coukd you bring yourself to ruin all your kids/spouses/grandchildrens summer holiday????

does she really think you're all going to want to pay out next year in case she does the same again, shes shooting her self in the foot too!!

I agree with you about not pretending you've paid, for several reasons.

FIL either needs to make her see sense or give DH the holiday company details. How would those able to pay feel about doing so if the inlaws paid the share if the ones that can't afford it??

if nothing gets resolved, I'd book a Villa for just DH/you & your kids. Tell the others that's what you're doing but not make it a group thing (to not make those who can't afford it feel they're missing out in a family holiday, but I wouldn't lose the cost if the flights & rental car etc just to keep the peace!). I'd also look at how much it would cost to change the flights & car rental to a different place.

But does MIL understand you will all lose money on the flights? It sounds very selfish!