To be annoyed with MIL

[LeafHunter]

DHs family always go away each year. It’s him, his four siblings and everyone’s partners and children. We’re going on 2nd august.

MIL had just text to say she’s tested positive for Covid and so has cancelled the family holiday. She said she can’t guarantee she will be testing negative by then. FIL is negative currently.

Im annoyed as we’ve booked all flights, car hire etc. PIL pay for the villa and we all pay for the rest. This is widely out of character for them.

It's an awful situation. As you're a bit out the family circle I'd be half temped to adopt an "everyone for themselves" approach to salvaging the holiday and finding some accommodation that fits with your current outgoings. But then the other half of me would worry that anyone else that couldn't afford to do the same might think I was being a bit selfish about that. Why on earth there was no discussion though, could have probably solved all this...

I would wait for your DH to have a talk with her. Seems an extreme reaction. I'd look for something for just your family. You've got 2 weeks to sort something out, I wouldn't cancel anything just yet...

Could it be that she means she’s cancelled just their flights? Crossed wires?

Ignore! Just read further into it 😂

I agree that you can't feel responsible for everyone else. PIL have put their children and grandchildren in this situation and each family needs to salvage what they can. It might be possible to move flights and car hire to later in the year for example when you might be able to secure accommodation, or move them to another destination.

Your flights won’t be refunded so I think you need to book an apartment or hotel for your own family. I get that some other siblings won’t be able to do this but kids will be excited and you’ll be out of pocket staying home.

It is super controlling of you MiL and I’d be fuming. She’s said she doesn’t think you’d all manage without her there to help - how does she think you all get on in your own homes then?!
please update when your Dh gets home OP and don’t worry about your BIL/SIL being upset if you book your own accommodation, everyone knows who has caused this situation and it would be massively unreasonable of them to be annoyed at you salvaging what you can,

Just sort out your accommodation and go, I'd find that much more relaxing anyway.

Im genuinely surprised that with 2 weeks to go they would get much, if anything back from cancelling the villa? Unless she is planning on claiming on her insurance?

Do you have insurance yourselves? Could you claim on that by saying the accommodation is no longer available due to covid? (I`m not actually sure what the covid/insurance rules are with insurance companies at the moment though)

Ooh. Someone has FOMO and was terrified you'd go without her!

Maybe someone doesn’t want to spend ££££££ on a holiday they won’t be going on. Would you?

Many villas on VRBO are 14 day cancellation. Feels like she may have panicked with being so close to the deadline for a refund.

Wow! I can't believe she did that with NO discussion about solutions.

So she saves her money, and to hell with the everyone else?

Would I cancel the holiday knowing 8 adults and all their children couldn't get refunds on their flights? Absolutely not.

@Blossomtoes you don’t shoehorn your family, along with their partners and children, who have taken off time off work, paid for flights, to then leave everyone in the lurch so you save your money.

I highly doubt if the mother wasn’t paying for this they would all be holidaying together, I know as dil I’d not want to spend my precious leave with my in-laws. The paid for villa is an inducement for everyone to holiday with the mother. Which after this expensive fiasco I doubt any of the wives will allow their partners to agree to going again.

Update: DH spoke to her for a long time earlier, and to FIL. They both said they feel responsible for the holiday and that it is for everyone - if they can’t come then there is no one to babysit SIL children etc (only under 5s on the holiday). They think they can claim on insurance and will pay for a short break at half term. They asked (I would assume begged) DH and I not to still go, and to encourage others tho can afford it not to due to some not being able to afford someone else.

It sounds like DH was the voice of reason and has asked them to at least contact the rental company and enquire if the cancellation can be revoked. I don’t know if it can be. No health conditions, just the fear of upsetting SIL…

DH is the eldest of five. We, and the next siblings family can afford holidays but I know the younger two couples can’t. Not sure about the middle. PIL see it as treating them all equally by paying for it, which DH pointed out wasnt happening by this last moment cancellation. He has stressed we are all happy doing a family holiday somewhere cheaper which we’ll all pay for, but PIL love the tradition of this.

Im exhausted by it all- I’m an only child so the huge family dynamics aren’t easy and I disagree with a lot of things they do as a family but appreciate we’re all different. I’m still annoyed that we’re in this mess and hate the uncertainty!

So they think SiL would rather not go than go on holiday without them to babysit? Ridiculous.

Is she quite mad, knowing her dc won't be able to afford the villa and making it all about herself? She won't be there to help with the grandchildren? How does she think you all cope for the other 50 weeks of the year?! Can you get refunds on the flights? I think her behaviour is appalling.

It seems bonkers that they would rather see people lose money than forfeit their places, but I guess if they're paying it's their call.

I absolutely, 100%, nailed on would not be making arrangements to travel with them at any point in the future though.

Paying for the accommodation I mean.

Even if it means your children and grandchildren miss out and lose money?

Neh, thats not a normal parent.

I cannot get over how selfish they are being! If they want to take this frankly batshit and unnecessary decision then they must let others do as they see fit to try and salvage some holiday.

I understand her reasoning around the fairness and not being able to help a sister, which is very admirable of them but I don’t understand what they expect you to do with the money you will lose?
you have booked leave off work and paid for a holiday and do they expect you just to sit at home with nothing for 2 weeks and yet another shit year with no holiday?
surely you could all have pitched in and helped the sister with her kids if the parents had just paid for it.
sounds like the parents just don’t want you to enjoy anything without them witnessing it.. not even life after their deaths

I think it's selfish, she should have let you all go with or without her, she's got 15 days probably would have been better by then.
They can obviously afford it otherwise they would not pay every year. X

I think your DH needs to make it clear either they go ahead and pay for the accommodation for everyone if they are so determined a sibling doesn’t miss out , or you will be using your flights to fly out and have a private holiday yourselves at some other accommodation on the same island.
surely the sister is losing money on flights too? How the hell does that help her as a mum with 5 kids?