To not have made my son share

[Noshare]

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

My son can get a bit fixated on certain things so he was playing with this for about 15 mins.

Anyway, the little girls mum came up and asked my son if he would share it now and let her have a turn and I said 'hes playing with this at the moment but as soon as he's finished she can have a go with it'. She scoffed and said don't I teach my children to share. I replied that our definition of sharing obviously differs.

They were like blocks in different shapes but she wanted the specific block my son had even though she'd piled up the others which were practically the same if that makes sense?

If he was on a swing or something and it was the only one then I'd of course tell him to let someone else have a turn now after a certain time but I don't think sharing means just giving someone what they ask for when they ask for it if that makes sense? There were plenty of other things practically the same as this item her daughter could play with.

Was I being unreasonable and failing to teach my son to share by not making him just hand over what he was playing with the moment he was asked?!

My mistake, I accept that making a pile was her game. But I just don't think it's an appropriate game when that means no one else can use them.

Erm I was talking about the other child

I say YABU just for giving it all this headspace following a short trip to soft play ... you are seriously overthinking it. Chill out and have a glass of wine or two. How are you going to cope with normal social interactions as your DC gets older?

Missing the point, but why was your son playing with one building block for 15 minutes? I mean, what was he actually doing with it?!

Sounds like the little girl wanted to collect all the blocks.
It was her mother who should have explained to her daughter that these toys are for everyone and she can't have them all.

In this particular instance, I don't think you were being unreasonable, no. If it had been, say, a trike, it would have been different.

I've already said but basically sitting on it, climbing on and off, pushing it over, jumping off it, rolling it ect...

I'd have said to mine right time for the little girl to have a turn with that bloke you choose another one to play with

Doesn't sound like the girl would be happy with that either but a sqop is the only way she'd be getting that block

If she wouldn't let any of the children near them, yes.
As you haven't said that was the case (and I'm sure you would have) then no, she wasn't.

And it's not selfish to pile up all of an item so no one else can use them?
Did anyone else try to take one? Did she stop them?

Well as a parent, if my child had been playing with a communal toy for more than 5 mins that another child had repeatedly asked for , I would have encouraged my child to take turns,
regardless of how the other girl wanted to play with it!

Nothing wrong with a child playing like that. But clearly she’s collected them all to pile up. What’s the likelihood that every other block was free? Just because OP didn’t say the girl got the other blocks from other kids and explain every detail in her OP, it’s not difficult to imagine that she may have got them from other kids.

The mum of the other kid should have just said, ‘would you mind if my child has your sons block for a few minutes as she wants the full set’. Be polite, not attacking the OPs parenting.

I was very obvious that she'd not have given him a block from her pile to swap with. And what difference would that have made anyway? She'd still be one short of a full set.

if I was girls mum I would have encouraged her to be satisfied with the 19 blocks she already had as your son was clearly playing with that one. If your son had handed it over I bet she wouldn’t have given it back in 5 minutes since hoarding was the game.

Make the most of the nicer weather and avoid softplay as much as you can.

I don't think its for you!!

FWIW child would have been told "you play with the blocks you already have sweetie" when she tried to take one my DC was using and the mum would have been told the same.

As she was (according to the OP) wandering around the soft play (presumably not with her blocks in tow!) seemingly she wasn't stopping anyone having them (as she wasn't with them either) and nor did anyone else want them (or, as they were unguarded, they could have taken them)

Fuck me, but I'm glad softplay hell is behind me and I teach secondary. Far easier to deal with boyfriends being stolen than PFB mammies and building bricks.

OP- gonna be a long 15 years or so. Enjoy.

You're probably right 🤣 don't even get me started on the parents who let older kids run through the toddler sections over and over.

Well if you can't see the point of offering that up as a compromise then there's really no helping you

Good luck 👍

YANBU my son used to run around and play with different toys but everything he was playing with his little cousin the same age would immediately want. My brother used to constantly tell my ds to share but would never tell his dd to wait her turn or play with something else as my ds had just started playing with it. I told her in the end as it drove us mad. Some kids only want something as another child has it. The dc in your scenario sounds like they wanted all the blocks to herself which isn’t good sharing, so I’d tell her to wait too although probably only 5mins.

I don’t think you understand toddlers.. they are not logical in the way you are apparently expecting them to be.

YANBU

But this whole thread is missing the point. Just leave them to it to figure out between themselves. It’s not up to adults to helicopter and intervene in toddler squabbles - by doing so you are robbing them of valuable social learning experiences.

“Children will often demonstrate that the interaction with another child is what interests them, not the toy itself. This is evident when there are multiples of a certain object available, yet the children are only interested in the one that has “heat.” Soon after the struggle is over, the toy is usually dropped, becomes “cold,” and no one wants it anymore. Children are best left to work these situations out by themselves while the adults ensure that there is no hitting or hurting.”

www.janetlansbury.com/2009/11/the-s-word/

This her play was stacking them. YABU

YANBU …. Obviously.

This thread is actually painful to read, I don’t know why everyone is so determined to not understand here.

What is the girl sharing here also?
So the OP’s son HAS to share but the girl can do what she likes.

The mum obviously can’t tell her child to share but is happy to tell other people’s kids too 😂