To not have made my son share

[Noshare]

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

My son can get a bit fixated on certain things so he was playing with this for about 15 mins.

Anyway, the little girls mum came up and asked my son if he would share it now and let her have a turn and I said 'hes playing with this at the moment but as soon as he's finished she can have a go with it'. She scoffed and said don't I teach my children to share. I replied that our definition of sharing obviously differs.

They were like blocks in different shapes but she wanted the specific block my son had even though she'd piled up the others which were practically the same if that makes sense?

If he was on a swing or something and it was the only one then I'd of course tell him to let someone else have a turn now after a certain time but I don't think sharing means just giving someone what they ask for when they ask for it if that makes sense? There were plenty of other things practically the same as this item her daughter could play with.

Was I being unreasonable and failing to teach my son to share by not making him just hand over what he was playing with the moment he was asked?!

Sorry OP I agree with the others, you have changed your story. You gave the little girl something else which she played with before coming back. So was she playing with the something else or was she gathering all the blocks?

I literally said in my OP she'd piled the others up.

Apologies I meant yabu.

Collecting and stacking blocks is playing and of course you should have encouraged your son to share.

The other child’s mum should have intervened similarly if another child wanted a turn with the blocks she had collected.

I assumed it was obvious seen as I'd already said in my OP she'd piled them up already. She'd already collected all the blocks and kept coming up to take my son's. I'd give her something else and say he's playing with this but why don't you look at this and she'd toddle off for a short time and then be back again.

Exactly.
you could have let her have it for 2 mins ti complete her pile and then asked her to give your son a diff one if he was still interested

Nah not unreasonable. The kid had a pile, your DS had one . Tell the mother to go and boil her head

The OP said the other child had all the other bricks piled up in her OP.

@Noshare her piling up the blocks is fine and playing, which is allowed! But you omitted she was taking the blocks off everyone? You can't dictate what's playing or not to a small child.

She didn't want to play with it, she was just piling them up.

How else would a 2 yr old play with blocks?

@SleepyDoggo what's wrong with that?

This can be so frustrating. My DS would get very involved with a toy and play with it intensely for a while. Other children would want it so he'd have to 'share' and go and play with something else. Then of course, they'd want the thing he'd moved on to.

Some kids want what the other child has, because they think it must be good for someone else to play with it. They basically don't know how to play, so storm through the space taking what someone else is playing with because it must be better than what they have. Teach them.

If your child always wants what the other child has got, teach them how to enjoy one of the toys that isn't being used by someone else.

How was she also hogging all the blocks whilst simultaneously taking them off all the other kids & then trying to get yours?

As I've repeated several times, I am aware that piling to her was her game. I've not said otherwise nor have I dictated what is and isn't playing. I said as a parent I'd discourage that sort of play when they are other children using the things my child is trying to collect.

I didn't put that in my OP about the taking off others, an error. It was in my second post on the thread and a matter of minutes after making it though, so hardly drip of the century.

Who gets to decide which games aren't appropriate in a communal setting though? This is exactly the sort of game I've seen lots of children playing in similar settings over the years.

OP is so adamant that the girl shouldn't be collecting things, but she couldn't possibly have distracted her "fixated" son with something else.

What are you struggling with?

YANBU. My kid also fixates on specific toys and struggles to transition. I would have asked him if he wanted to do something else, and if not, I wouldn't have made him share. Especially if the other kid had an excess of blocks and mine only had one.

I don't think we should teach kids to ignore their feelings. At 2.5 they're not going to understand what's a communal toy. By all means, show them it's nice to share, it can be fun, etc, but don't force it.

@Noshare I'm sure you said "she wasn't playing with them, she was piling them up"?

Doesnt anyone else think it was unreasonable for the little girl to be allowed to gather up all the blocks from various children, pile them all up and basically stop them being available to the other kids. I think her mum was not really teaching her to share actually!

Since It was one of many, YANBU at all. It’s fine for your DS to “hog” the one he likes when there are plenty of others around. This is more akin to DS being on a swing at the park and another kid wanting to go on that particular swing even though others that are just as swingy are free. There is no obligation to give in to that sort of request even if a child really, really wants the swing your DS is on.

She was an octopus 🐙!

I don't think I've ever been to our nearest soft play without seeing one or another little one gathering all the blocks. Normally at 2, parents would encourage the kids to play together; so they might suggest that one places his block on her collection to admire / slide into and then he has a slide turn or gets it back. All perfectly normal.

For the people who still need help... She was making a pile of blocks by collecting them and also taking them from other kids. When my son's was the last one left she kept trying to take his as well at which point I tried to distract her with other things and told her he was using it.

Our has building blocks too and it's a bloody pain in the arse when one kid wants to play with them all undisturbed. Your kid had one of many identical toys, he shouldn't give it to someone who has many of that toy because because want them all. That's not sharing is it.

Sharing the blocks would be each child having an equal number.

YANBU