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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have made my son share

376 replies

Noshare · 12/06/2022 16:21

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

My son can get a bit fixated on certain things so he was playing with this for about 15 mins.

Anyway, the little girls mum came up and asked my son if he would share it now and let her have a turn and I said 'hes playing with this at the moment but as soon as he's finished she can have a go with it'. She scoffed and said don't I teach my children to share. I replied that our definition of sharing obviously differs.

They were like blocks in different shapes but she wanted the specific block my son had even though she'd piled up the others which were practically the same if that makes sense?

If he was on a swing or something and it was the only one then I'd of course tell him to let someone else have a turn now after a certain time but I don't think sharing means just giving someone what they ask for when they ask for it if that makes sense? There were plenty of other things practically the same as this item her daughter could play with.

Was I being unreasonable and failing to teach my son to share by not making him just hand over what he was playing with the moment he was asked?!

OP posts:
Hurstlandshome · 12/06/2022 17:26

Don't understand posts like this. Others have challenged your view and you're defensive and aren't really open to different perspectives. Which is fine, but what's the point of posting? Just live your life thinking you're right.

Threeboysandadog · 12/06/2022 17:27

I would have done exactly what you did and distracted the little girl with other toys until the other mum spoke to you. At this point I would have got him to help the little girl add his block to her pile and then encourage him to take a different one from the bottom of the pile to play with, whilst stating in a loud voice “all fall down”.

Original poster
Noshare · 12/06/2022 17:28

Threeboysandadog · 12/06/2022 17:27

I would have done exactly what you did and distracted the little girl with other toys until the other mum spoke to you. At this point I would have got him to help the little girl add his block to her pile and then encourage him to take a different one from the bottom of the pile to play with, whilst stating in a loud voice “all fall down”.

🤣🤣

OP posts:
GetThatHelmetOn · 12/06/2022 17:30

15 minutes hogging a shared toy? It is ok to teach children to share, you know?

Icouldbehappy · 12/06/2022 17:31

YANFBU

The other mother can fuck off; letting her DD commandeer all the blocks.
You stood up for your son. Good for you.

FiveNineFive · 12/06/2022 17:31

Noshare · 12/06/2022 16:32

they just both wanted to play with the same thing.

She didn't want to play with it, she was just piling them up. I saw her going round collecting them off all the other kids too.

That is playing at that age.

MicDropped · 12/06/2022 17:34

FiveNineFive · 12/06/2022 17:31

That is playing at that age.

Show quote history

Do you think it's fine for your child to go round taking things off other children to hoard and call it playing? I'd never let my child do that.

He can gather things up if no one else is using them or if we're at home. If others are around, he can't play that game, or at least he can't play it to the extent of taking things off other kids, and I'd move him onto something else.

CocoCactus · 12/06/2022 17:35

Threeboysandadog · 12/06/2022 17:27

I would have done exactly what you did and distracted the little girl with other toys until the other mum spoke to you. At this point I would have got him to help the little girl add his block to her pile and then encourage him to take a different one from the bottom of the pile to play with, whilst stating in a loud voice “all fall down”.

This and all of the other ’strategies’ mentioned in this thread are so involved and helicopter-ish.

Aside from impeding development of independent play and interrupting early social interaction, I thought the point of soft play was to take a rare moment to enjoy silently zoning out on the fringes? All this meddling and refereeing sounds like so much hard work. Just back off and leave them to it.

GrinAndVomit · 12/06/2022 17:36

YANBU

Your son is fine playing with one block and refusing to give it to the girl who had twenty until he’d had enough of it. She was being greedy and selfish and her mum was facilitating it. It’s the other mum who needs to teach her child to share.

NutellaCrumpet1 · 12/06/2022 17:37

This is so PFB. Wait until you have a couple more kids and you will realise how ridiculous you are giving this any head space at all.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/06/2022 17:40

CocoCactus · 12/06/2022 17:35

This and all of the other ’strategies’ mentioned in this thread are so involved and helicopter-ish.

Aside from impeding development of independent play and interrupting early social interaction, I thought the point of soft play was to take a rare moment to enjoy silently zoning out on the fringes? All this meddling and refereeing sounds like so much hard work. Just back off and leave them to it.

Show quote history

You might have a point if you were on the other thread where people think you should follow your 10 year old around soft play

At 2 years old though? Neh , not so much

Hugasauras · 12/06/2022 17:40

@CocoCactus See the other soft play thread running in AIBU for some bonkers examples of helicoptering, such as following 8/9/10ys around the play equipment at all times in case there's a disagreement Grin

Moonchair1 · 12/06/2022 17:41

Yanbu
I hate kids trying to take things off my girl cos she never does it to other kids and when they do try it she just hands it over she doesn’t know they are taking it
I would have been same as you as I wouldn’t have expected someone to drop it for my daughter either if she wanted something some other kids had

peachy3 · 12/06/2022 17:50

I don’t think playing with a toy is called hogging. Her little one was playing with it, doesn’t matter for how long or how long the little girl would have to wait for it. In my opinion the little girls mother should have said that the little boy is playing with it and that she can find another available toy to play with.

Some people are crazy harsh on this site…

FrothyThoughts · 12/06/2022 17:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Exactly this. If that girl was my kid I would have said that she can't have that block because another child is playing with it, she can play with the 19 she already has.

Mariposa123 · 12/06/2022 17:52

I feel like it wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if your DS had been playing for a while, and she kept coming back for that block, to suggest your DS went and played with something else and let her take her turn. She might’ve only wanted it to finish the like and then lost interest. Really both children were hogging toys, just one had more than the other.

catlady3 · 12/06/2022 17:55

FWIW, I don't think you're being unreasonable. The flip side of "learning to share" (which isn't a developmentally appropriate expectation anywhere near 2.5 anyway!) is "learning to accept that sometimes, people don't want to share".

VintageVest · 12/06/2022 17:55

I'm really surprised by some replies you have had OP. I would have thought it was a no brainer that if she had 10 blocks and your son had just one, then no-one would expect him to hand it over, no matter how long either of them had been playing.

YANBU.

SunshineAndFizz · 12/06/2022 17:57

YABU. 15 mins is too long to hog something at soft play.

Jedsnewstar · 12/06/2022 17:58

Noshare · 12/06/2022 16:29

It wasn't a toy, it was a building block and the little girl had a pile of them already! She'd gone round collecting them all to pile up and then wanted the one my son had.

Show quote history

Then yanbu. The mum is teaching her to be a brat

TalkToTheHand123 · 12/06/2022 18:04

I would have politely told the mother to off!

SarahAndQuack · 12/06/2022 18:05

I think if she had several similar blocks I'd have said sorry, you've got lots and he only has this one. I would have thought 'sharing' in this context would surely be her giving him half her blocks so they both had the same amount, not him giving her the only one he'd got?

ecnatsid · 12/06/2022 18:08

I think you should've let the little girl have a go after your DS, which is only fair. She may of had other things, but she wanted a go of that specific thing.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 12/06/2022 18:10

YANBU and there's always a child doing this at soft play, snatching toys off other kids under the guise of "sharing". From the responses on this thread I now know why. Hmm

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 12/06/2022 18:12

SarahAndQuack · 12/06/2022 18:05

I think if she had several similar blocks I'd have said sorry, you've got lots and he only has this one. I would have thought 'sharing' in this context would surely be her giving him half her blocks so they both had the same amount, not him giving her the only one he'd got?

That's what I would have thought too.