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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make child pay for his own uniform?

395 replies

Unifrom · 20/05/2022 17:40

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 20/05/2022 18:17

He’s too young, and it’s a lot of pocket money to loose. Buy him cheaper uniform if he’s loosing it. Also the fact that he’s left it somewhere like a bench doesn’t mean it’s not then been stolen.

omahanebraska · 20/05/2022 18:18

This reminds me of a thread several years ago where an OP had a child who fiddled with a lot of stuff.

The OP found the child had unwrapped a kitchen spatula from its wrapper, this was a problem because the OP was intending to return it to the shop. That OP wanted to know if it would be unreasonable to wrap up the spatula and give it to the child for Christmas four weeks later.

That Op was BU and so are you, op.

beechhues · 20/05/2022 18:19

I'd source something similar second hand for cheaper @Unifrom

My dd2 loses everything but it always turns up, so I suspect someone taking advantage of his carelessness.

I'd have a word with the staff about where the kids are supposed to store them when they're taken off, and make sure ds understands to put it in his bag or around his waist if it's hot etc

Beautiful3 · 20/05/2022 18:19

No, he's only 8 years old. I would ask the school office, to go in and search through the lost property. Had to do this before, rummaged around a huge black bin liner. Loads of labelled uniform, but no one has time to look.

FeetupTvon · 20/05/2022 18:19

Absolutely not... that’s 10 weeks pocket money!

NotMyFinestMoment · 20/05/2022 18:19

I can't believe you're even considering it.

Often it's not the child, it's the school's fault. I keep getting other kids stuff sent home in my child's bag (every single weeks for the last 3 weeks). A brand new pair of glasses went missing last month (4 days after we got them), I'm having to pay £50 to replace them even though the school lost them. Two broken pairs of ear defenders in last 3 months. Today I have had to buy another backpack (and more uniform) because the teacher/TA's keeps overfilling his bag, and tore its lining and broke the zips, by over-stuffing it with his sports bag and overfilling the compartments with bulky homework. His water bottle which went in yesterday still isn't back, swimming trunks last week didn't come back. Wednesday of this week, both socks were completely torn on the same day - no explanation as to how on earth it happened! This is on top of the regular replacing of school trousers, joggers and shoes. I didn't have this much of a problem in his other classes, but the current teaching staff are terrible and a really careless, sloppy bunch. My child is a similar age to your child and the thought wouldn't even enter my head.

PinkSyCo · 20/05/2022 18:20

lisavanderpumpscloset · 20/05/2022 18:11

Why would you punish an 8 year old?

Because he’s 8, not 2.

girlmom21 · 20/05/2022 18:20

It would be really harsh to make him pay.

Does he actually need another fleece? It's very warm now and there's only two months left of the school year.

user1745 · 20/05/2022 18:21

I think essentially 10 weeks of punishment is disproportionate for losing a fleece. If he was genuinely at fault in losing it then one week without pocket money is fair.

FabulousKilljoys · 20/05/2022 18:21

I've had a few things brought home with other kids' names in. I bet that's where it's gone. They'll either be returned to school (which is what I do), or someone will think ooh free fleece, I'm keeping that.

ChocolateHippo · 20/05/2022 18:21

omahanebraska · 20/05/2022 18:18

This reminds me of a thread several years ago where an OP had a child who fiddled with a lot of stuff.

The OP found the child had unwrapped a kitchen spatula from its wrapper, this was a problem because the OP was intending to return it to the shop. That OP wanted to know if it would be unreasonable to wrap up the spatula and give it to the child for Christmas four weeks later.

That Op was BU and so are you, op.

My DC would actually quite like a spatula in his Christmas stocking 😂! I can think of many ways in which it would be used - mostly poking and prodding things/people and generally being annoying.

Kitten2 · 20/05/2022 18:21

Perhaps just 1 weeks worth and ask him to help find it

mbosnz · 20/05/2022 18:23

My deal with my kids (and from younger than eight), was that we'd pay for the first replacement, but after that, it would come out of their pocket money. It was amazing how well those kids could look after their stuff! (They also had to go through the lost property to look for it, although I'd help.)

CocktailsOnTheBeach · 20/05/2022 18:25

Wow making your child pay to replace lost clothing, he's 8 ffs. Whilst it's annoying he keeps losing things I think what you are suggesting is quite cruel, even if you are struggling at the moment. Maybe when he's a teen and losing trainers at school, you might make a point like this, but 8, no.

Have you actually checked school lost property and messaged other parents on the class chat? I can't just disappear.

Classicblunder · 20/05/2022 18:25

Going against the grain, I think some kind of consequence is reasonable. Perhaps you withhold a couple of weeks of pocket money or some screen time privileges or something else he cares about. Otherwise he will just carry on losing things.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 20/05/2022 18:26

Cantfollowmeround · 20/05/2022 17:46

You're an adult. £19 is worth far more to him than it is to you. He is 8 and losing 10 weeks pocket money for something that kids do is harsh. You need to help him stay organised. Are you usually this mean to him?

😂🙄

Cokehead · 20/05/2022 18:26

It’s more than likely at the bottom of someone else’s school bag and will probably turn up in a week or two.

itsgettingweird · 20/05/2022 18:27

Labelled stuff doesn't just "go missing"

Any responsible parent with any kind of morals returns clothing their D.C. brings home by mistake.

My solution to this was to label ds clothing with mynametags labels that could be ironed on like superglue and were not easy to remove and then stick on of the labels that don't come off to the label too.

I would then tell the school I expected them to check the other pupils clothing because they know as well as I do that jumpers don't have legs and walk out of schools alone.

Another trick is writing in permanent marker on the white bot on the back of the label.

Like poster above said it's often the case that these items had help disappearing and cleverness in making sure they didn't return.

FabulousKilljoys · 20/05/2022 18:27

My DC would actually quite like a spatula in his Christmas stocking 😂! I can think of many ways in which it would be used - mostly poking and prodding things/people and generally being annoying.

Hahaha oh this reminds me of when DS1 asked for a kitchen whisk for Christmas when he was 4 😂

Moodycow78 · 20/05/2022 18:27

Not the full cost he's too young but losing 50p out of his pocket money for a couple weeks should help him be a bit more careful in future.

carefullycourageous · 20/05/2022 18:28

That is really awful, he is far too young. I feel really sorry for him!

omahanebraska · 20/05/2022 18:29

FabulousKilljoys · 20/05/2022 18:27

My DC would actually quite like a spatula in his Christmas stocking 😂! I can think of many ways in which it would be used - mostly poking and prodding things/people and generally being annoying.

Hahaha oh this reminds me of when DS1 asked for a kitchen whisk for Christmas when he was 4 😂

IIRC they were planning on replacing one of the child's asked for presents with the opened spatula as a punishment.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 20/05/2022 18:29

No wonder kids are growing up not realising things aren’t just disposable, some of the responses are 🤯 I don’t think you should make him foot the whole cost but to look around properly at school and if he really can’t find it to make a contribution as a lesson. He’s 8 not 2 and as for thinking he must have SEN because he loses things…

User3568975431146 · 20/05/2022 18:29

Don't be ridiculous he's a child.

LoveSpringDaffs · 20/05/2022 18:29

Just because he's well behaved doesn't mean he doesn't have any SEN/LD.

If things are well labled then his things ARE being stolen/hidden if they're not in lost property. Maybe he does leave them on a bench, but if he did they should be in list property if not returned to him on his classroom!

you don't punish an 8 year old for things going missing at school, you label things properly & you go into lost property yourself.

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