To make child pay for his own uniform?

[Unifrom]

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

Dramatic much. OP don’t let these OTT responses make you feel bad. Making your DS lose some of his money (that you kindly gave him in the first place) in order to hopefully make him more careful with his belongings will not mean he will need therapy later life.

@FabulousKilljoys I know. It's disgusting. Tbf when this has happened to us I've gone to school and just explained I can't replace. Politely like but firmly nonetheless. Shit happens, kids lose stuff, no one needs to be missing school or going without pocket money for a quarter of a bloody year because of it. Ridiculous.

Who said they should do that??

Disorganisation unusually bad for the age can be a sign of dyslexia or other processing difficulties. Anything else to suggest that?

I like to think of myself as quite easy breezy but these threads always make me realise I'm sterner than most!

I don't think this is a bad idea and definitely don't think it'd scar him! I'd probably make him pay a bit from his pocket money and would see it as a 'tough love' kind of life lesson. It's not like you're depriving him of food or birthday money from granny. It's just pocket money which many kids don't get anyway.

What's the alternative? You have to nag for years and your little boy doesn't learn the value of his possessions and the importance of caring for them. Most children are careless until they have an incentive not to be!

I wouldn't expect him to pay for the whole thing but one week's pocket money going towards it might make him think. Also would it bother him if he had to go to school without a fleece for a bit, he could wear an extra tee shirt for warmth, there needs to be some sort of appropriate consequence otherwise he is never going to learn to take better care.

Could you highlight the post where someone has told the OP to withhold 10 weeks of pocket money, I must be missing it.

Ds has never given a fig for any of his uniform/water bottles/ lunch boxes etc. It drove us mad tbh. Not a week went past without my messaging the year group parent’s chat on Facebook. It became a joke in the end. This week we are missing 3 fleeces, 2 water bottles, 1 coat and a football boot. All labelled. Clothes have proper sewn in labels. What I found was the Sainsburys fleeces made their way back, the school branded stuff never did. Thieving sods.
I used to check the lost property at the office twice a week. It is grim but necessary.

I think YABU to be considering taking the whole cost out of his pocket money but YANBU to be considering a consequence that will effect him.

Everyone can say "Oh he's too young to have to pay for the uniform" but if the parent can't afford to replace uniform on a regular basis what exactly are they supposed to do? £19 is 2/3 of my weekly shopping budget and I don't have money to keep replacing uniform bits at £20 a time.

I have always had a rule with DD that the first time she loses something I will replace it like for like. If she loses it a second time then I will replace it with a basic supermarket version (eg her blue blouse with school logo that noone sees as she always wears her jumper at £19.50 a time from the school shop gets lost because she didn't pick it up following an after school sports activity and gets replaced with a plain blue blouse sans logo at £6 from Asda) and if it reaches a third time in the same school year then she has to pay 50% of the cost of the basic replacement from her pocket money.

DD is a preteen but I have had this rule since she started school and I can only recall one occasion when she had to fork over her pocket money for a 3rd loss.

You're making out like anyone who disagrees with the OP is ridiculous.

Do you think he should lose 10 weeks pocket money?

Yes I said it about an hour ago.

youve said that the PTA have a uniform sale. Go to the uniform sale (or if you’ve missed it for this half term, get in touch with the pta organiser) and buy yourself a Second hand fleece. You will save yourself £15 quid and school will benefit too. If it’s anything like our Primary school was, they have so many donations, only a minority of parents wanting to buy it but a lot of parents moaning about the cost of school uniform.
also, every time one of the dc lost something, I was in the lost property bin looking for it. I was always shocked by the amounts of Unnamed branded uniform in there. Staff would say only a very small minority of parents would bother to look for lost things, often just writing things off and rebuying. In your position, if there was an unnamed fleece in the right size, I’d be having that one and not giving it any more thought.

Ahh I thought you were insinuating that I said that, I’ll quote my post for you just to clear up your confusion as you clearly haven’t read it 😂 I disagree with people saying the OP is cruel, disgusting etc but you do you I guess.

Too young. I make my 12yo DS pay back items he loses through doing set chores rather than money. 100 x unloading the dishwasher for losing his brand new coat!

Actually, I think it’s a privileged position to be in. I can’t imagine asking a child (5!) for money but appreciate I don’t have to.

There are much more appropriate actions if finances allow.

I couldn't disagree more. I have much older children, who were well behaved when young and now they are adults, appear to have sound ethics. I taught them the real reasons why they should not do xyz, rather than relying on punishment.

Punishing kids is IMO lazy parenting, it gets quick results but does not teach the morals underpinning why we should not do certain things. It takes time to raise kids into adults and helping them understand why we should behave a certain way takes time. Punishing is the easy way out for a parent.

No I do not say the OP should make him lose 10 weeks of pocket money

We didn't discover DS1 had mild ADHD and dyslexia (losing things and disorganisation two of his issues) until he was 18 and at University so it's not always obvious when young.

But..you realise that isn’t the point, right?? Please tell me you do 😱

Out of interest, at what age is it acceptable to place these sort of consequences on him?
DS is 16 and I've always paid to replace with second hand. I email to ask what's available and reserve the items, DS has had to take the money and pick up the uniform from the office as I'm always working so could rarely get to school. He hates having to do that so it's deterrent enough.

So why do you think the majority of posters here are being ridiculous when they say OP is being harsh? Seems like you agree with them.

One of my DC is like this and was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. There is little point in punishment. Unless you can teach them a strategy to avoid losing things you’re going to have to wait until they mature.

I would embroider the name into the fabric of the clothing item like the neck. Less likely someone will nick it.

I split the costs of these things with my Dds if I feel they’ve been lost due to carelessness. So I pay half and they pay half.
My 11 year old has just managed to loose a £55 pair of school shoes. So I’ve bought a cheap replacement and made her pay for half.
I think it’s a perfectly sensible suggestion that he contributes to replacing things he’s lost because he can’t be arsed to take care of them.
Mumsnet is forever banging on about natural consequences as punishment, this fits the bill I think.

No, you shouldn't make him pay. That's like you having to spend two months' wages on a jacket. Kids lose things. Just send him in something cheaper. My daughter had a cardigan taken by another child and it took three weeks for them to return it, so don't think he won't get it back eventually. If it's dropped down the back of a bench or something, it might take until they have a really good clean up to find it.

I wouldn't ever charge a child that's lost uniform. It's not like they do it on purpose.