To make child pay for his own uniform?

[Unifrom]

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

My DS was similar and we had to go for the nuclear option after a particularly bad run in close succession. We went for 1month ban on all devices which was HUGE for him. More significant to him than losing money which means nothing to them at that age anyway. Plus gave him massive household chore to do for the month too. Probably yr5 so not massively different age. No SEN just flakey. He's still a bit scatty (gets to car and has to go back for it type thing) but not lost anything major since. It worked. He got that it was serious.

Neither do I. I don't really understand why teaching kids to appreciate that things cost money (and they therefore need to be careful not to lose or break them) prevents them from being 'young and carefree' or enjoying their childhood.

Do you actually think it would make a difference? If it is something other than just not valuing the item (others have mentioned SEN such as undiagnosed dyslexia/ ADHD) then it will just shame him and might even make things worse. Even at this age, explaining it to him calmly and putting the cost of the jumper into terms he understands (e.g. this number of weeks of sweets) might help him to recognise the impact of losing it. Then think about some strategies for not losing it in the future (such as tying it round his waist or putting it in a certain place). Then say if it happens again then you'll have to take it out of his pocket money.

Mean to take that of him especially as he saves so well.
I would consider other ways to improve his memory .

@Fulbe have you read the OP's update? She did that and he offered to pay

The meanness of adults who punish children financially is what they have in common.Neither the soap powder incident nor loss of bits of uniform was deliberate. The girl was trying to help, the boy was harum-scarum.

I don't think it's very kind to let your kids grow up without learning to take care of their possessions- unless you are an intending to bail them out indefinitely that is.

I went through an awful phase of forgetfulness at this very age. So much so my parents were called in for a consultation. If I could have forgotten my head I'm sure I would have.
I grew out of it soon enough. Luckily, my parents were too concerned to be punitive.
Please go easy on him, 8 is still very young!

Meanness 😂

Chocolate hippo..

Because he can't control the environment he's in. He's not going to a play park and forgetting it.
He's loosing it in a very busy environment where children are controlled.
Many times dd has wanted to do something but been told no.
That's why I don't feel he can be entirely blamed.

At this age some childmore support than other.

He’s 8!!!

i have two boys, they are a nightmare for losing. My youngest is 15, still loses stuff. At that age I’d go through his stuff before leaving the playground. Jumper, cost, PE kit etc. if he didn’t have it I’d insist on going back in to look.

I got to the end of 100 posts and I got to thinking that at 8 years old, I had at least a passing understanding of the value of money. He should too.

If you haven't already sorted it (and I'll go back and read the other posts once I've typed this) instead of giving him £2 pw pocket money, give him 2 x £1 - you put one of those in a piggy bank towards a replacement fleece, he gets the other. 19 weeks of a 50% drop in his pocket money, should get him to understand.
At the end of the 19 weeks you can decide to either use the money towards a new fleece or perhaps he will have lost something else of value to him and you might need it for that, or you can give it back to him. He won't know at the time this is what might happen though so he'll have to keep splitting his pocket money until the cost is sorted.

He needs to learn that if he misplaces things, they are not automatically replaced. As the weather is getting warmer, could you hold off on replacing the fleece too? Even a fortnight should help with that life lesson.

But at what point do you start introducing consequences for losing things?

Obviously there will sometimes be occasions where there is mitigation regarding lost items but part of parenting is preparing your child to live in the wider world That includes making them responsible for their own property, understanding the value of money and the cost of replacing items.

I'm not one who gets on at DD if she loses things but she has always been brought up with natural consequences (not punishments!) for losing things. She is a preteen and I can probably count on my fingers the number of times she has lost things. She might just be lucky or it might be the fact that she is careful with her stuff because she knows if she isn't then there will be a consequence and she has been given strategies to make sure to remember what she has with her

There is a fine line between supporting your child's "forgetfulness" and enabling it - if a child loses something once then I would always replace it, accidents happen, but if that child is losing the same item multiple times, or multiple items, then I am not going to replace it indefinitely because it reinforces the idea that everything is replaceable and if they lose it then a new one will just magically appear. That is the point at which clearly they need more support to help them remember their items so that is what I would be focusing on.

I remember once walking home with DD and one of her friends after an activity when they were about 8/9 and about 500m down the road her friend realised she had left her water bottle at the activity venue. I said "No problem, we can go back and get it," and her response was "No, it's OK it wasn't my favourite and my mum will just buy me a new one" and I was absolutely astounded that she had such a blasé attitude to forgetting things and having them automatically replaced but also that her parents would just buy her new stuff repeatedly. I made her walk back with me to collect it and she was most bemused that I was so bothered about a water bottle when it was so easily replaced.

19 weeks of punishment? FFS.

But at what point do you start introducing consequences for losing things?
there should be consequences but they needn’t be as extreme as so many people seem to feel. As with everything in life everything is a fine balance, I have 4 children, 2 who stress over the littlest things, 2 who are way too relaxed. We have to parent all of them as things come but when it comes down to it no matter how much we try to convince the first two they need to not worry so much, or convince the other 2 that they need to take care of things better, unfortunately I’m not sure it’ll be us that helps, I think organisation is something that switches on from an internal source. We won’t stop trying but I do always think 1. At least they’re not over stressed and 2. In the end does it really matter that much?(he’s 8!!)

In the end does it matter that much?

It's nice that you have the time and money to constantly hunt down or replace the things that your children lose. Not everyone is so fortunate.

Perhaps if his pocket money was increased it would take less time, but yeah, I think he doesn't understand the value of things because they have been replaced in the click of your fingers in the past. He's still getting pocket money but just not as much.

What is so wrong in suggesting that as a possible course of action?

www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/mum-asks-its-wrong-make-27031587?_ga=2.46775591.1091924831.1653287679-803780517.1652941675#l3icxrr9lmcyocd74mg

You’ve made it in to the Mirror….

I should’ve got in there first and done a sad face daily fail story to cover the cost of replacing it 😁