To make child pay for his own uniform?

[Unifrom]

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

No, he's 8.

Schools have a specific fleece, that's why it's so expensive. They can't just go pick any kind up from a charity shop.

But you must have a class theif because kids do loose things but if it's not found or in lost property.... what is happening? That means someone is going home with your Sons belongings.

I don’t think his stuffs being stolen as it’s always a reason for how he lost it. E.g ‘I left it on a bench I think’ but I do wonder if whoever finds it is just keeping it for fun. Maybe for the PTA sales😉

Ok general consensus is to not make him pay, so I won’t - but I am going to tell him that if it happens again, then I will be.

I think he is to young for this lesson. It is really easy for another child to walk off with someone else's uniform by accident so he may not even be to blame. Ds has come home before in other children's clothes.

I don’t think you can do this unless you give a warning that this will be the consequence if it happens again. You need to gently and carefully explain that it’s important to look after things that we work hard to pay for and hope that the next thing he loses is something cheaper that impacts for a week or 2 rather than 10, which would be really harsh

No at 8 he's much to young to have to pay for his own lost uniform.

Are you seriously considering making a little boy save up his precious £2 per week until he's paid of the debt of £19? Poor little thing.

Things don't just disappear. It does rather sound like it's been stolen.

It took 2 terms for one of DS1s hats to reappear!
It's taken a LOT of scaffolding, but we generally get everything back now (in secondary now)
So, point out each morning what he needs to bring home that night, and count it up (remember, you've got a bag, coat and water bottle so 3 things to bring home tonight).
If you collect from school, get them to recite and check they have the list from the morning. It's harder if someone else collects them.
We also rewarded for a full week of no losses, rather than punished for forgetting.
We were also fortunate enough to be able to have spares of most stuff, even if it wasnt quite the right size, so there wasn't a mad panic to replace - well, until the spare disappeared before tye original was found.

We never had to do any of this with his brother. Everything just returns.

If it is labelled and not reappearing, I'd put good money on it being hidden/stolen. My ds was targeted for this, and the school said he was just careless - until one day the teacher saw him put something down on the table while he went to his locker to get his bag to put it in, and by the time he came back it was missing. Turned out a boy would take his stuff and throw it behind a cupboard, and everything ds had 'lost' at school was there

Too young
ask him when he comes out of school straightaway about his stuff as always easier to find it the day it’s lost.
get some second hand spares if you can

He’s way too young for this consequence. Also he only lost it on Monday there’s time to find it. See if you can go in and check places- most schools won’t mind.

Sympathies though- replacing loads of items your kids lose is a pain in the arse.

Is there no second hand uniform sales? This is a huge thing at our school.

Agree that things don't just disappear, someone is either stealing them or the school is hanging on to it. 8yo are notorious for just putting things down and not knowing where they've gone. It's not purposeful. If you take his spending money for 10 weeks you're punishing him for being a pretty standard 8yo.

Bloody hell that’s an expensive school uniform for primary school! Where do you live that children are wearing fleeces in May anyway? Getting back to the point I think it’d be a bit harsh to charge your DS for the new fleece (again do you really need one when it’s nearly June?), but I would teach him the value of money by telling him you can’t afford a new one, so you will have to stop giving him pocket money for the next two weeks or so so that you can put that money towards buying a new one.

I agree with this suggestion and I would not be in a hurry to replace lost items in future. He has to go without until it's convenient for you to replace and all replacements come from a charity shop and he goes without until you can source said item second-hand.

In my experience, lost property can often take a few weeks to find its way back to the Lost Property box. Someone might have picked it up by mistake and their parent won't notice until they do the washing this weekend. So don't give up hope.

My DD was also disorganised at this age. Never took responsibility for anything. Constantly lost stuff.

I got so sick of it that when she once told me she'd lost her cardigan I said that this was the last time I'd be replacing it. She'd have to pay for a replacement the next time. She didn't learn, and a couple of terms later she lost her cardigan. I made her pay for one out of the school's second hand shop, probably a couple of quid. She was probably 10/11 at the time. She's not lost anything since.

He’s too young and if stuff keeps going missing and is never found someone is keeping it.
I see a name tag in the bottom of fleeces etc and write on the label. When stuff goes missing I also post on the class WhatsApp
usually it is returned. Although we lost 3 white PE t shirts on the trot and I was sorely tempted to write his name in sharpie across the front!

Why would you punish an 8 year old?

I would let him go without it for a bit or get into trouble for not having it.

Meanwhile, I would 'save up' for a new fleece by putting £2 in a jar every week when you give him his pocket money. Tell him it's too expensive to replace outright so you'll have to save your money for it. If he wants the new fleece more quickly, then he'll have to contribute from his pocket money.

At 8 you can do a check.list , when he leaves school, and send Jim back for lost items.
Make sure it is all named, then ask the teacher to find it. Even add something to the collar, so he can see it on someone else.

I remember my dcs stuff going awol and new football boots nicked from a gym bag

So frustrating

Agree, he’s only 8 and that’s too young. Ask school about the fleece, see if you can look through lost property as suggested. If you really can’t afford a replacement then speak to the school, some are able to help. Obviously I don’t know if they can or not. Or look in a charity shop.

No, he shouldn't. But you could get him to help you look in lost property, help you draft an email to other parents asking them to check kit bags etc. Help him think about where he was and what he was doing when he lost it. And help him create routines that make this sort of thing less likely.

All children go through scatty phases, some more than others.

You don’t make him pay for it. You teach him the skills so it stops happening. My daughter was always losing stuff in school. Taking pocket money away wouldn’t have helped. She wasn’t doing it deliberately. We talked through techniques to help.

Is a fleece a mandatory part of the uniform? If it isn't the answer is surely not to replace it?