To make child pay for his own uniform?

[Unifrom]

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

YOU said it.

I don't really see this as a 'punishment' as such but more "restorative justice". The person harmed (in this case, the OP who has to finance a new school fleece) discusses with the person at fault how they can collectively resolve the situation.

For everyone saying 8 is too young, children need to learn these lessons quite young so they can act appropriately when they find themselves in situations where they've inadvertantly or carelessly caused harm to others. If my child breaks something at a friend's house or loses something that belongs to a friend, I would hope that their instinct would be to make amends and fix the situation (even if they need adult help to do so) rather than ignore the harm or loss they've caused.

@Sleepingsatellite1 That’s being a parent rather than a ‘friend’ There are many ways to be a parent, being a friend is entirely different.

YABVFU.

Hes 8.

I get it, I've been there, it's fucking infuriating.

In fact, I'm getting flashbacks of posting similar (not suggesting he paid, cos seriously wtf?) in MN years back when my eldest constantly lost his clothes.

Its so annoying searching up and down the bastard school every single day looking for his 50th fleece with a screaming baby.

Used to drive me crackers.

Its normal.
They don't mean it.

Youre at the end of your tether but fining him won't suddenly stop his brain being an 8 year old brain.
It just doesn't work like that

Exactly, that’s my whole point.

What punishments do you impose on yourself when you make a mistake/

i suggest an hours wages put into a piggy bank marked; 'DS's replacement uniform fund'.

I wouldn't make him pay for it as to be honest I don't think money always means that much to kids at that age. I would however tell him that he had to come with me and help me look for it in lost property in the school office. The lost property pile at our local primary school would fill three or four bin bags so takes quite a lot of sorting through before you find anything. I was lucky that my kids didn't lose too much, but when they did I made them help me to look for anything that was missing so they didn't think that the school uniform magically regenerated without them having to put in a lot of effort to look for it first.

If there are bullying problems or SEN then it is much harder and I'd have taken a different approach.

You are unrealistic in your expectations. 8 is too young, in terms of psychological development.

It would be quite normal for the instinct of a child of 8 to be to hide something they broke, or lie. It would not mean anything in regards to how they were at 14, or 16, or adult.

Fines are all punishment - most people have had at least a parking ticket. Charges when you go over your OD life - also a punishment.

You may well have lived a cleaner life than me but most adults with have 'been punished'.

Oh right, I thought you meant by a random person

These are criminal consequences laid out in law. That is not the same as some arsey person punishing you on a personal whim.

My Ds wasn't too bad in Primary/Junior but did lose things in Secondary . He told me a week after losing his PE top so there was no chance of getting it back . He said he'd looked in Lost Property ( yeah right ) .
I sewed a label at the neck and on the hem -which he knew-so double labelled .

I bought him a new top and told him if he lost it he had to get the bus down to the Uniform shop and get a replacement . I wouldn't have made him pay £ , just his time .

My DD ( 2 school years younger) was given her brothers DT apron when it surfaced in the Lost Property ( complete with his name on it !) so no idea when the little blighter lost that . He'd already left that school

PS - if he is being absurdly careless i don't think taking £1 off him is too draconian.

Also adults have many more natural consequences than children.
Loose something expensive- pay for a new one.
Turn up late for work - get fired
Don’t pay your bills - electricity gets cut off.
Speed - get fined
We protect our children from many of the actual consequences of their bad choices. It sure it’s always a good thing….

I find this thread so sad-

He is 8 years old-he needs support, encouragement and help with strategies to remember things.

I'd much rather see a reward system at this age and tbh I almost can not believe this thread is true.

Seems to not address the child's coping skills and is more about reimbursing @Unifrom .

Just wrong

These are criminal consequences laid out in law. That is not the same as some arsey person punishing you on a personal whim.

Children don't face criminal consequences, though. Instead, 'arsey' parents and teachers are expected to teach them right from wrong and to take responsibility for themselves (in an age-appropriate way)

That’s a shame then.

If a child is below the age of criminal responsibility, I think you can be pretty sure they are too young to be punished in this way.

Teaching them right from wrong and how to take responsibility does not equal 'punishing them'.

Probably in another child's bag or in their bedroom. If not worn much due to warm weather I'd only wash a jumper if DS put it in the wash, if he was wearing it and it was dirty, or at half term. Wasn't necessarily put in the weekly wash as it might not have even been worn. So if he had the wrong one I wouldn't have known.

I’m starting to wonder if my son is actually, a super genius, because the way some people are talking about 8 year olds, as if they are too young to be held responsible for anything, is not resembling the way my son behaves and understands things.

Its not just about reimbursing me, it’s about him learning that his actions have consequences. That his belongings cost money, that someone has to pay to replace when he carelessly takes them outside and leaves them in a random location and doesn’t go back for them.

Worrying about you child not liking you if you give them a consequence for the actions (which will happen throughout life) smacks of wanting to be a friend over a parent

I buy most things 2nd hand mostly £1 per item and have spares, so it doesn't matter so much. My kid is very forgetful and disorganised, its not really her fault, and I don't want her worrying about it.