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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ok, i probably am, but the way new mothers do thing s now, and there attitude is really getting on my nerves.

482 replies

pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 17:56

rant alert
te entire holier than thou attitude. huge genreralistaion, i know. but whats so speical about waiting till the baby is six months old before weaning that will garantee said mothers a direct ticket to heaven?
from what i recall, upping the age to six months didnt happen because of some amazing scintific breakthrough. no new data was used t o make the decision. (a mnetter showed the evidence of this on some thread.
and then the whole breast bottle thing. the ones spouting statistics at everyone, with their smug expressions. it doesnt matter. every mom does what she sees as best for her baby. we dont constantly need to have information shoved in our noses.

my eldest is ten, and youngest four, so i'm not that far away from these subjects, but, some peoples attitudes just really really get on my tits.

OP posts:
Original poster
pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 19:53

you can try
but with this government, most stuff they issue isnt based on any new research at all. just them tryihng to make there mark.

OP posts:
Kathyate6mincepies · 18/12/2007 19:54

LOL - there is some truth in that. eg the alcohol advice for pregnant women.

DingDongTheNitsHaveGone · 18/12/2007 19:57

Thing is, there is research that backs up all opinions if you look hard enough!
I sniffed at my mother's generation;s approach when I had v. young kids but now with hindsight you get a bit more perspective

WinkyWinkola · 18/12/2007 20:04

The thing is that those not sterilising, those who weaned at four months and those who give pasta to a 12 weeks old baby - the babies probably are all fine.

I think current advice given is about minimising risk of potential problems rather than saying you are damning your baby to a lifetime of for example, exczema (spelling?).

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 18/12/2007 20:05

I made it up as I went along and I'm not joking. Each day really was taken as it came. A certain babycare guide was slung across the room on Day Six or so and never re-opened. I don't know where I got the rest of my advice from - some from my Mum and the rest from where? HV? I didn't know any other new mums since I'd just moved.

My dd has made it to seven now so I can't be doing too badly. I think I did my sharing tut-tutting on child-rearing before I had a child. I was too tired afterwards to care how soon Mrs X down the road might be weaning her baby.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 18/12/2007 20:06

And I started weaning my dd at 10wks .

lucyellensmum · 18/12/2007 20:45

By VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV on Tue 18-Dec-07 18:10:15
How on EARTH can you see a "smug expression" from a thread?????

Isn't this the smug one? but then it could be

DingDongTheNitsHaveGone · 18/12/2007 20:48

perhaps you can sense a smug attitude, though..... and date i say it a certain single-mindedness (or even narrow-mindedness?) from SOME 1st time mums?

lucyellensmum · 18/12/2007 20:50

I might be having a total memory lapse and making this up, but i am pretty sure that my HV said to me that one of the reasons that the advice to wean at six months, following exclusive breastfeeding is because this advice is given by the WHO as this takes into account less developed countries where adequate food is scarce. But could i get a straight answer about weaning my child at just under five months? Could i arse!! I weaned her then because that is when i felt she was ready. If i had felt she wanted it before i would have, i would have just felt incredably guilty. I remember the look on my HV face when i told her that i weaned DD1 (now 17) at 4 months (which was only following their advice at the time) and i gave her mashed veg mixed with an oxo cube - i said something along the lines of, well she didnt have kidney failure and she isnt allergic to anything. She then said "oh, im sorry i didnt meant to make you worry" i told her "you didn'"!! But you want to know the really ironic thing SHE was my HV all those years ago, who told me to wean at 4 months and feeding an oxo cube gravy was ok!!!

LorraineSattell · 18/12/2007 20:54

perhaps you should point it out to them at the time rather than starting whole threads about it...

Original poster
pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 20:57

no lorraine, because this thread is a ranting one. as i said in the titile, i know i am probly being unreasonable
someone who is honestly looking for good advice, whilst frazzled with a new baby would beupset by readingmany of the opinons expressed on here, andit is only fair to keep the slagging, joking around about such stuff off the serious threads.

i wouild t joke around about funny/ridiculous ways to commit suicide on the depressed threads. so why rant about it on the breast bottle or weanign threads.

OP posts:
motherhurdicure · 18/12/2007 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LorraineSattell · 18/12/2007 21:02

well i think you weare being just as ridiculous in the other direction, tbh, seeing people looking down their noses at others just because you don't agree with them.
some mums like research, like passionate opinion, but they didn't lose their brains in the labour ward, they can pick and choose who they want to listen to. i certainly could from the minute i came on here, no problem. if i didn't like it i could have gone to bounty/babycentre etc.

frostythesnowmum · 18/12/2007 21:02

Mine is only 2 and I was guilty of this because I was trying to do my best and things right - I'm sure I drove my mother, mil and friends demented but they were all gracious enough to let me find my way.
To be fair apart from bf every other aspect of child rearing in my house at some point has all gone tits up, my big lesson has been that each child is individual and that nothing is text book.
I am pg with no. 2 and now more confident and relaxed (although writing it makes me feel like i'm lying ) things will be done much differently and I will be a lot more open to suggestions and flexible.
I have learnt to give new mums space and respect and only offer opinions if asked. Its a very overwhelming experience and everyone does there best and most do things differently and don't want interference. I think you are forgetting what is was really like.

Original poster
pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 21:06

lorraine, plenty of people do look down their noses at youbecause youre not doing things they way there book tells them to. i'm not imagining things. just stating what i have observed.
often when people say things to you, its not what they say that isannoying, but how they say it.

motherhurdicure, you can have a presetn.
from me to you. link{http://hugs[[[[hugs]\or expensive stuff from tiffannnys}]

OP posts:
LorraineSattell · 18/12/2007 21:12

i just am not seeing the same threads as you on MN, then, because i don't observe it at all. nor would i care if i even thought for a minute that people on here were looking down their noses at me, because you're not my friends. that's why i like it here, you get unbridled opinion, not some half-baked mimsy rubbish borne of the desire to keep the peace.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 18/12/2007 21:14

you are so right pukka

this smug self righteousness prevails my kids are aged 15-1

god knows how my 15 year old is a super bright handsome health food freak cos the way he was weaned and lol

no bloody 'lessons' then just common sense parenting-sadly lacking now

welliemum · 18/12/2007 21:24

I've learned SO much from mumsnet. I'll always be grateful for that.

I've learned a lot from people who've found something that really, really worked for them and were happy and proud to share that success and help others do the same.

When it comes to health issues, I've a huge respect for people who don't just follow the crowd, but think for themselves and can back up what they say with solid evidence.

I also have a huge respect for posters who want to help others and give hours and hours of their time supporting people who need help of one kind or another.

On the other hand, I've very little respect for people who think information should be witheld from people seeking it, and that we should stop talking about stuff, just because they themselves don't happen to be interested in it.

What a nasty, mean-spirited, head-in-the-sand OP.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 18/12/2007 21:25

i dont agree

WinkyWinkola · 18/12/2007 21:27

Hear hear, welliemum.

Make sure the right information is out there.

Don't sneer at those people who care enough to work for women so that they know what options are available to them.

I'm thankful for all the information I found here on MN and through friends and other sources. Lots of women don't have the support they need.

Nobody is being smug and highbrow.

welliemum · 18/12/2007 21:27

Well, let's see a link to a thread with a smug expression then.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 18/12/2007 21:28

Funny that those who don't agree are those who did what current science proves isn't best for babies!

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 18/12/2007 21:29

who says grim?
that is not true

LorraineSattell · 18/12/2007 21:33

AMEN, wellie.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 18/12/2007 21:34

but where is the truth
i have reluctantly followed government guidelines but would not dream of frowniing on those who dont