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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Brollywasntneededafterall · 10/10/2021 11:51

Stealth boast?
Some of us can't support another adult for free...

LadyGAgain · 10/10/2021 11:52

YABU to a point. It is important that these young adults pay their way. I'd be charging rent and putting it away to assist towards their deposit.

Original poster

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:53

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

OP posts:

57millIonAniseedballs · 10/10/2021 11:53

That’s all very well if you’re wealthy

We aren’t. So our adult dc who lives at home can’t live here for free!!! Why should we fully support another adult when struggling ourselves ?

CounsellorTroi · 10/10/2021 11:53

How will they learn to manage their money and budget if they don’t pay rent?

57millIonAniseedballs · 10/10/2021 11:53

Our dc is 21 btw if relevant

RealhousewifeofBarnardCastle · 10/10/2021 11:54

I’m with you OP

NeverTheHootenanny · 10/10/2021 11:54

I wouldn’t charge rent, and I know my parents wouldn’t have either (I moved out at 18 so it doesn’t really matter).
But if they were living with me as adults I would expect them to have some sort of plan for moving on I.e. to be saving for a house deposit.

Sparklesocks · 10/10/2021 11:56

Well because they are adults and contributing to the home is an adult responsibility unlike children. Not all families can afford to cover bills/food for their adult children, so if they’re earning asking for a contribution isn’t a huge scandal. And in most cases it’s still less than market rent etc so you can still put a decent chunk away if working etc.

MintyGreenDream · 10/10/2021 11:56

If dc is working though they're just contributing surely? I paid dp 95 pounds a month in the late 90s,still had the rest of my wage to myself

Original poster

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:56

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

With regards to teaching financial independence- they budget an amount of £ each month to go towards a deposit and then they have to pay their bills (phone, car etc) so they are being responsible. Not like I'm letting them live here rent free so they can piss all their money away

OP posts:

TheMagicPudding · 10/10/2021 11:58

My parents asked for a 10% contribution of my monthly wages once i was out of full time education and i never begrudged this. Why should I keep all of my money whilst my parents pay all the bills and do all the shopping etc. I was still able to save, enjoy my free time and it definitely taught me good life skills. Each to their own.

namechange202086 · 10/10/2021 11:58

People are now living at home until 25+ which is very much an adult. Of course they should be capable of paying their way by then! Why should parents spend a lifetime paying for people capable of earning their own money?

TeenMinusTests · 10/10/2021 11:58

I think it all depends on circumstances and family dynamics.

Once a child leaves education then child benefit stops, so income goes down.
Plus a single adult household can become a 2 adult household needing more council tax paying.

Many believe that getting the 'child' to pay there way sets them up better for independent adulthood.
Many young adults wouldn't save the savings they'd waste it.

Why should a parent have less disposable cash than the offspring?

There isn't a one size fits all correct answer.

SillyBub · 10/10/2021 11:58

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

Are you really not aware that many families rely on benefits to get by? Benefits that stop when their children turn 18/leave education?

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 11:58

Not everyone has the money to do this.

MyCatDribbles · 10/10/2021 11:58

@Hdhshxhs

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

But what if they did piss their money away, would you still charge them no rent?

Notimeforaname · 10/10/2021 11:58

The longer they wait to pay rent the bigger a shock itll be. As adults they need to pay their way.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2021 11:59

I think if they are working and still living at home a contribution is fine isn't it ?

Bonsaibreaker · 10/10/2021 11:59

DS is 17 nearly 18 and looking for work. Once he starts work I will request a reasonable amount from him as he is a working adult.
I will do what my sister did with her children and put it away in a savings account which will hopefully help him towards securing his own home one day.

I think its good practice to teach young adults that life is not free and they need to be able to budget & live within their means and help pay their way in life.

skippy67 · 10/10/2021 12:00

I agree with you OP. My ds is 24 and pays us "rent", which we put into a savings account for him. My mum did the same for me and I had no idea until I moved out at 26, and she gave all my "rent" back to me. It meant I could furnish my place quickly with lovely stuff. To those who say it's OK to do this when you're rich, my mum was a single parent who worked as a cleaner at a train company.

Whitefire · 10/10/2021 12:01

I don't think most people propose to charge rent the day they turn 18 (they will likely still be in full time education of some sort), but if they are working then absolutely they should be paying something.
OP do you have children and how old?

Sparklesocks · 10/10/2021 12:02

I suppose it’s just as simple as understanding that other families do things differently to you. When I lived with my dad post-uni I paid him about £200 a month towards bills which I was happy to do as I was earning a full time wage. It would’ve been about £400-500 to rent a room a house share in my local area so significantly cheaper. It allowed me to sign a large amount. I didn’t feel hard done by, if anything I’d be embarrassed to be earning full time and not contribute anything to the household and that I was taking advantage somewhat.

TwoMountains · 10/10/2021 12:02

I do think a lot here depends on the family’s financial circumstances.

Money’s a lot tighter in some households than others. And even in cases where the parents are financially comfortable, it’s really not unreasonable to expect an adult child with a job to contribute financially.

Plus there’s the valid point pp have made about it helping adult children learn to budget.

I do know some families, where they’ve charged the adult children for rent, kept the rent in a separate saving account and then returned it to the adult child as a lump sum to go towards a house deposit.

Butterflyfern · 10/10/2021 12:03

Of course it's right to charge rent. It's all about teaching your children responsibility and how to manage finances. If they learn to do it while there is a safety net of living at home, it's much better than when they have moved out. To have them leave home without such important life skills is poor parenting imo

If you don't want to spend the money, and secretly save it for their future then that's great and you are fortunate to be able to afford to do that.

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