Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
drpaddington · 10/10/2021 12:31

I think that charging rent teaches your adult children a good lesson. Living rent free is not realistic, everything costs money.

I paid rent to my Mum when I started working, she needed the money and I was glad to help out. I was still able to run a car, go out every weekend, put money in to savings.

NeverTheHootenanny · 10/10/2021 12:31

My point was mostly in relation to friends of mine who are comfortable charging their kids rent (about £350 a month I think) whilst the kids are also trying to save for a house
It just seemed a bit sad to me that they do this when they don't have to

We moved back in with my in laws to save for a deposit. They charged us £500pm month rent, which is less than we would have paid privately obviously but seemed a lot considering they are well off (I’m talking six figure salaries, 4 holidays per year). It’s their call and I never would have complained openly but I wouldn’t make the same call for my children. I’d rather them be able to save quicker and start their lives.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 12:31

It doesn't even have to be market rate rent but it's doing the kids no favours to baby them.

gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 12:33

Loving that the OP has ended up looking a pratt on her own thread!

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 12:33

And I think most people on here would gladly support their grown-up child if they were in dire straits and if they had outgoings for education or other things. But I think it's weird for a grown-up child with a decent income and a lot of disposable cash to not insist on paying at least a token amount. It's just part of being an adult and being responsible for yourself. And I think you can absolutely tell the young people who have never learnt the value of money in that way when they do move out to live with friends or a house share.

Afolnerd · 10/10/2021 12:33

My Ds17 chose not to go back to college and that he wanted to work instead. Him making that choice meant I lost all tax credits, child benefit and cms for him totaling over £400 a month.
He earns over £1200 pcm and pays us 20% of what he earns. He is still left with 80% of his wage to do whatever he wants with and it works for us, while we aren’t on the breadline losing £400 a month would mean most luxury’s would be out.
He is happy to pay and understands the reasons.

Foofer · 10/10/2021 12:33

My kids are young yet but when I was still living at home my parents asked a contribution to the household once I was earning.

It never occurred to me to expect them to continue supporting me when I had the means to support myself. And considering the cost of electricity, food etc I doubt they were profiting!

Buffoonborisisatwat · 10/10/2021 12:33

sounds like you have a reasonable arrangement; your children are putting money away each month so are learning to be responsible about money.

Ellmau · 10/10/2021 12:33

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

Will you feel that way when your DS is 48, has never worked, stays home all day smoking dope and playing video games, and you actually want to downsize but can't?

TheSmallAssassin · 10/10/2021 12:35

All this feeds into high house prices, we're just perpetuating it. If no-one can afford their first property, then prices would necessarily drop, but we're just mindlessly continuing the cycle by propping up our children well into adulthood and just widening the gap between the haves and have nots.

thewhatsit · 10/10/2021 12:35

I’ve known people do it to incentivise their adult children. Eg if their adult children are out of work or working very few hours but can’t be bothered to do more because they are so comfortable at home with all food provided etc charging rent can incentivise them to make more of an effort to find good work. If a child was doing their best but needed to live with me, I’d like to think my home would always be theirs too.

itsgettingwierd · 10/10/2021 12:35

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore
Tax credits. They stop along with CB when they leave education.

They don't suddenly stop needing a roof, food, heat etc. So if they want those things as an adult they need to pay for them 🤷‍♀️

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 10/10/2021 12:35

Why should adults not pay anything towards the food they eat, the roof over their head, the utilities they use?

Great if you don't need to but when they finally leave the nest they will have a shock suddenly learning all this stuff.
My adult children contribute to the household.

What about those on low incomes?
They no longer get child benefit. They no longer get the child element of working tax credit.
There is nothing wrong with instilling in your offspring the importance of paying your way in this world.
And the importance of knowing how to budget, cook, clean etc. Everything you need to know to be a fully functioning adult.
Imo it's better parenting to introduce them to it and get them used to it than to pay and or do everything for them then wave goodbye and say have fun figuring it all out.

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 12:35

I personally don't think I'm babying my children (but others may disagree!)

My oldest is 26 and just about to buy their first place. We went through their finances and set a budget for them, majority went into savings for their deposit. A smaller amount went into separate savings for emergency's, to be able to furnish their house etc. The rest went to pay their personal bills and then a small amount left over each month for fun money. Although I wasn't taking rent money of them they were still putting that money away

Youngest is currently abroad travelling but will be offered the same deal as their sibling

OP posts:
GeorgiaMcGraw · 10/10/2021 12:36

I think it teaches them responsibility and not to be spoilt, and allows them a sense of pride in themselves (in that they can look after themselves and help their family. I've heard way too many stories of adults taking advantage of parents, wasting money or never working because mummy and daddy pay their way. I paid board to my mum as soon as I could (as a teen in school) because we were poor. I wouldn't have wanted to leave her with just £100 in the bank each month if I could help it. I paid board, became a good saver and ended up buying my first home with my now dh at 23. It was hard work but worthwhile.

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 12:38

Not everyone is as financially comfortable Hmm

The person I know who charges her children has to because she was struggling so much! She’s a single parent, and once they all turned 18, and maintenance/tax credits stopped, she struggled hugely (low income job).

1FootInTheRave · 10/10/2021 12:38

Can't be a stealth boast.

Op is poor and has a 26 year old that has questionable morals, happy to leech off her.

residentkaleidoscope · 10/10/2021 12:38

Hang on you won't charge your adult children rent but you were control their finances?

gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 12:38

My ds has joined the gym.....now he's working he can afford all the gear

Washing machine is on a lot more....a lot. So More elec/water/detergent

Food....he wants certain foods to fuel him.... out of food budget. So seperate meals for him

STILL don't want/need any extra from your adult dc?

Maybe I should provide LESS for our school age kid to accommodate our older adult dc adult needs then?

bruffin · 10/10/2021 12:39

We charge DS 26 £60 a week . He has managed to save a very good deposit for a house (more than 20%) , unfortunately his wages as a single person is not enough to get a mortgage for the rest at the moment.

gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 12:40

@Hdhshxhs

Your poor kids.....your level of control and micro managing of them is awful!

I feel very sorry for them

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 12:40

@1FootInTheRave

Can't be a stealth boast.

Op is poor and has a 26 year old that has questionable morals, happy to leech off her.

🤣
Nightbringer · 10/10/2021 12:40

Love how posters are making out that saving for a deposits and gbuying a house is going to be possible forever if only their parents would let them live rent free for a few yearsHmm

itsgettingwierd · 10/10/2021 12:40

@LittleLottieChaos

I think not to charge is incredibly unfair on siblings that have moved out. My brother spent many years more at home than me, was barely giving any contributions and should have saved £££ but didn’t! It breeds resentment.
That's a good point!

I moved out at 18 and never lived at home since.

My sister and brother have moved lived at home until later age and also returned for periods inbetween.

I hope my parents charged them as when I fled my relationship with ds they told me I couldn't live at home - impossible. Not same story for my siblings though. So I hope they favoured twice!

AmyandPhilipfan · 10/10/2021 12:40

To be honest I’d be a bit pissed off if my adult child was jetting off on holidays and buying all the latest gadgets while I was having to carefully budget to make sure I could afford food and heating for everyone. I suppose it might be different if I were super wealthy.

Plus once my kids are older I don’t want to be sharing TV schedules or worrying if they’re home late. I think I’ll enjoy them having their own homes!

Swipe left for the next trending thread