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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/10/2021 12:21

Well if my 18 year old didn't pay the rent we'd all be homeless. I'm certainly not making anything from him and have lost far more than just HB

Even if i could afford not to charge him there's no way would he not want to pay anything if I was only left with £100 after all bills

1FootInTheRave · 10/10/2021 12:22

I'd feel I'd failed massively as a parent if I had an adult dc living at home that didnt insist on contributing tbh.

Thisyearcandoone · 10/10/2021 12:22

I agree OP, I'm fully up for supporting my kids. If they can stay in their family home rent free and save for a deposit that would be amazing.

spanieleyes · 10/10/2021 12:22

Both my sons returned home after leaving university, both contribute towards household expenses. I lost maintenance, tax credits, single person discount on council tax and my food shopping bills, electricity, gas and internet usage pretty much tripled! They both understood why they were asked to contribute and indeed, insisted that they did😁

Awalkintime · 10/10/2021 12:23

I believe it is a parent's job to prepare their child for life as an adult and that includes teaching them how to manage money and being responsible for outgoings. By charging adult children they are being taught to budget their money for the necessities first and teaching them that they have responsibilities and they develop an understanding of things such as the food they eat and the electricity they use costs money of which they can contribute. I think good parents help teach their children this through charging rent.

JaceLancs · 10/10/2021 12:23

If DS did not live with me my utility bills would be lower - I would get 25% council tax reduction
I would probably not bother with super fast broadband - Netflix and other subscriptions
He also eats quite well!
The contribution he makes covers the above and no more - he is still able to save £1000 a month and hoping to buy own home next year

Meruem · 10/10/2021 12:23

Why should a parent have less disposable cash than the offspring

This is a key point for me. I’ve been a single parent for the majority of my DC’s lives and worked very hard to put a roof over their head, feed and clothe them etc. I’m their mum so of course it was my responsibility, but there comes a time when I should be able to enjoy the money I earn. I didn’t cut them off at 18 but as they’ve got older they have contributed while living here. I rent my home so there won’t ever be a time when it’s “paid off”, so that’s also a factor. I charge them far less than I would a stranger (if say I had a lodger) but I’m not covering all their expenses and leaving myself with nothing.

MrsDoctorDear · 10/10/2021 12:23

@1FootInTheRave

I'd feel I'd failed massively as a parent if I had an adult dc living at home that didnt insist on contributing tbh.
I agree.
NoSquirrels · 10/10/2021 12:24

I wouldn't speak to my friend about it unless she directly asked my opinion, and after some of the responses on here probably not even then!

You must have been talking about it in conversation, though? I mean, you don’t have to say to your friend “Well, I don’t think that’s right!” But you couldn’t said “Oh, you charge rent? I let mine live rent-free because they’re saving” and then you’d have had a friendly chat…

QueenBee52 · 10/10/2021 12:24

@Hdhshxhs

QueenBee52 If that's what you need to believe to feel good then go for it

I wouldn't speak to my friend about it unless she directly asked my opinion, and after some of the responses on here probably not even then!

So Someone who is left with less than £100 every month ... is judging those who have young adults willing to contribute to the family outgoings as they are now earning ...

Ooookay ... Confused

Read this again ... and if you're struggling to understand it.. READ IT AGAIN.. 🙄

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 12:24

I hope all the people who aren't asking for contributions aren't assuming their kids will pay their nursing home fees. There comes a point when a parent has to look to their own future.

pelosi · 10/10/2021 12:25

no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I know we’re all supposed to think ‘wow, what a great mum’, but I just cringe at this low level of awareness of the wider world.

You probably also refer to yourself as mamma bear.

1FootInTheRave · 10/10/2021 12:26

Op, you have less than 100 quid left after you've paid bills so clearly not well off. I'd argue pretty poor tbh.

What kind of adult leeches of their own mother when she has so little. Pretty disgusting imo.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 12:26

@NoSquirrels

I wouldn't speak to my friend about it unless she directly asked my opinion, and after some of the responses on here probably not even then!

You must have been talking about it in conversation, though? I mean, you don’t have to say to your friend “Well, I don’t think that’s right!” But you couldn’t said “Oh, you charge rent? I let mine live rent-free because they’re saving” and then you’d have had a friendly chat…

Yeah I mean it sounds like you were having a conversation about it so you could easily have said "oh that's interesting, why do you do that?"
TheQueef · 10/10/2021 12:27

Out of curiosity....when would you start charging? 25? 30? 40?
Is there a point where you cut off?

Lagomtransplant · 10/10/2021 12:27

I find this beyond weird in UK. I was grateful to stay with my DP, most of my generation back home was, as we graduates as 2008 was unfolding. What little money I could earn babysitting and project working went on to pay for my internship expenses (travel, lunches, business appropriate wear, CPDs etc.) I would never have taken the mickey buying frivolities while my DP provided for my DSis and me, but we'd never have made it this far if they hadn't backed us up. And they did it on two public office salaries and without child benefits on the outskirts of Stockholm, which can easily be compared to London. I clearly remember having to have my phone fixed at one point, I was broke so my DF stepped in. I tried to pay him back from my next paycheck, but he was beyond insulted by that.

Blossomtoes · 10/10/2021 12:27

@Rainbowheart1

It’s a luxury to have your adult children live at home rent free, one that not everyone has or can afford.
It’s not much of a luxury! More of a penance!
DinosApple · 10/10/2021 12:28

I absolutely believe in all out of education, full time working adults contributing to the household.

If I can afford to save some of the money for DC I will do so secretly. If I can't, then the contribution will go to household expenses and I will not feel guilty for it!

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 12:29

@NoSquirrels the conversation wasn't actually about charging rent really, my friend has just been able to book their dream holiday and we were speaking about that. They made a comment that they wouldn't have been able to afford a holiday like that without the kids rent money coming in every month. The conversation then carried on taking about the holiday

OP posts:
Nsky · 10/10/2021 12:29

I paid £25 a week when working, seems right 20 then, now 59.
It is right they do pay, and obviously lose benefits for young adults.
They need to learn too, even if token amount

TheSmallAssassin · 10/10/2021 12:30

@BlanketPiggy

I hope all the people who aren't asking for contributions aren't assuming their kids will pay their nursing home fees. There comes a point when a parent has to look to their own future.
And let's hope that all those kids who live rent free won't be complaining when "their inheritance" gets sold to pay for nursing home fees. Honestly, some of this is so fucked up.
gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 12:30

When they are working they can afford things

They use more
Eat more

You are a mug to let them go through life thinking they cost the same as a ten year old!

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 12:30

@Lagomtransplant

I find this beyond weird in UK. I was grateful to stay with my DP, most of my generation back home was, as we graduates as 2008 was unfolding. What little money I could earn babysitting and project working went on to pay for my internship expenses (travel, lunches, business appropriate wear, CPDs etc.) I would never have taken the mickey buying frivolities while my DP provided for my DSis and me, but we'd never have made it this far if they hadn't backed us up. And they did it on two public office salaries and without child benefits on the outskirts of Stockholm, which can easily be compared to London. I clearly remember having to have my phone fixed at one point, I was broke so my DF stepped in. I tried to pay him back from my next paycheck, but he was beyond insulted by that.
But that's a different situation to most on here? You didn't have any spare money as it was all accounted for. But plenty of grown-up children are working and earning a decent wage with minimal outgoings. Paying £200 a month rent for everything leaves them with £800 spare a month. I imagine a lot of people on here would like £800 spending money a month.
Lagomtransplant · 10/10/2021 12:31

@BlanketPiggy

I'd go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof and I'd be mightily ashamed of myself if my thought process was akin to yours.

gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 12:31

@Thisyearcandoone

I agree OP, I'm fully up for supporting my kids. If they can stay in their family home rent free and save for a deposit that would be amazing.
They don't all want to 'save for a deposit' though?!

What then?