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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 10/10/2021 12:41

@Hdhshxhs

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

Good for you, some people can't afford adult mouths to feed and cover all the other bills.

Plus it teaches them to budget and save

Daddydog · 10/10/2021 12:41

My mum charged me rent when I moved back home after Uni. When I moved out she gave me a cheque. Turns out she had been putting aside half of the money I had been paying her so I had a lump sum to help me on my way. It was a really lovely surprise. If she didn't charge me rent I would have probably wasted it on weed, clothes and holidays and never left the nest!

TheSmallAssassin · 10/10/2021 12:41

You say you aren't babying your children, yet at 26 you were going through their finances and setting their budget Hmm

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 12:41

Although I wasn't taking rent money of them they were still putting that money away so you've basically done what the people who take the rent and save it to pay the kids back have done. But by stealth and controlling what the kids do with their money.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2021 12:42

I paid rent I started working full time but my brother never had to.

Yes, I’m still bitter…

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 12:42

TheSmallAssassin They asked me for my help and I agreed, I don't see that as being bad but agree to disagree

OP posts:
Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 10/10/2021 12:43

I charged my son the lowly sum of £80 a month when his apprenticeship ended and he got a ‘proper’ job. I was fortunate I didn’t need the money. If I’d been receiving council tax benefit, child tax credits, etc. they would have stopped at that point or even at the point he started his apprenticeship. My friend lost well over a hundred pounds a week in benefits when her son left college.
I saved the £20 a week and gave it back to DS when he bought his first home. It was a nice lump sum to be able to give him. If I couldn’t afford it and lost household income I wouldn’t have thought twice about making him pay, although I do think the amount some parents charge is very high, roughly the same as if they were living in a house share or flat.

nameswap48 · 10/10/2021 12:43

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

You're a fool.

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 12:44

[quote Lagomtransplant]@BlanketPiggy

I'd go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof and I'd be mightily ashamed of myself if my thought process was akin to yours.[/quote]
How about you wait and see exactly how your parents' health pans out. There may well come a time for you when it becomes impossible to care for someone's complex needs at home.
Many of us on MN have been in this situation and don't welcome your judging us when you appear to know nothing about it.

dreamingofsun · 10/10/2021 12:45

glad there are more people on saying you adults should pay. We charge 100 per month which frankly is just a token towards the household costs.

We do this because they are now adults and post uni should be in work. We also did this because we had a son post school who was lazing around on the dole....it encouraged him to get a job - it was his decision if he wanted to laze around but we didnt see why we should subsidise it

Immaculatemisconception · 10/10/2021 12:45

@Hdhshxhs

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

You have to consider that not everyone is as well off as you. Some people actually need the money from an adult child, to make ends meet.

If you think about it a bit more, then is it really fair that an adult is living for free, whilst their parent subsidises them?

You talk about the housing ladder as if it's the norm for everyone to be on it. Well they're not. They are many people renting, with adult children, what about them?

You're views seem to be based on a very middle class, comfortable existence.

KurtWilde · 10/10/2021 12:45

@Hdhshxhs

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

With regards to teaching financial independence- they budget an amount of £ each month to go towards a deposit and then they have to pay their bills (phone, car etc) so they are being responsible. Not like I'm letting them live here rent free so they can piss all their money away

This is what I did with my eldest 2, and I'm by no means well off either. I'll do the same with my younger ones.
Ariela · 10/10/2021 12:47

Adult children need to learn to budget for their expenses in life, be it rent, mortgage, bills, food etc. o
I charge mine, and they still save loads - DD1 (22) reckons she can save £1K/month. She already has almost enough for a house deposit (saved through school & Uni, lucrative p/t work schooling people's horses), it's the salary that's the hindrance to getting a mortgage..

Lagomtransplant · 10/10/2021 12:47

@CallmeHendricks

I'm telling you now, NO MATTER WHAT their health situation, I will learn, I will train up, but into a care home they are NOT going if it's the last thing I do.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/10/2021 12:47

ODFOD.

At one time I was earning minimum wage. Thats enough money for ONE adult to live on.

In any case, what sort of adult ponces and lives off another adult? Who'se raising THESE people.

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 12:47

[quote Lagomtransplant]@BlanketPiggy

I'd go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof and I'd be mightily ashamed of myself if my thought process was akin to yours.[/quote]
This is spectacularly short-sighted and offensive and reeks of someone who has never had to deal with complex health needs of ageing parents that become unable to be dealt with safely at home. I hope for your own sake that it isn't something you have to experience.

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 12:48

Thanks everyone for your input - even the rude ones 😂
Very interesting to hear everyone's point of view, I've read them all and taken it all in.

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 10/10/2021 12:48

Rent or contributing to the household costs? One sounds very formal and not like a family relationship, the other is fair enough. In practice it's just a sun of money changing hands though.

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 12:48

We don't "need" to charge our kids keep, but we consider we would be doing them a massive disservice not to.
What kind of message in life is it teaching them, to live here in this large, comfortable, warm house, with a full fridge and drinks cupboard, all for free?

whynotwhatknot · 10/10/2021 12:48

Didnt your bills go up when they left full time education?

wouldnt it teach them real life skills that they'll have to have when they eventually move out

ProlesOnParole · 10/10/2021 12:49

Loads of threads on this today! I wonder if someone's got a little bee in their bonnet ...?

Anyway, it depends. If you need their contribution to cover the expense of running the household they are a member of then it's in both of your interests to charge them so that no one is getting into debt and putting the roof over their head at risk. Otherwise, I don't think it's ok. I mean, I think you need to have a conversation about how they're planning to become independent and how you expect them to use their wages to get there, but charging them money just for the sake of it is tight and arguably you the parent aren't exhibiting financial independence yourself.

Eg a woman I know got her house outright in the divorce so hasn't had to pay rent or mortgage for the best part of 20 years, but is charging her ds rent now he's not in school even though he only works a zero hours minimum wage job to make up for her not getting child benefit for him any more. I must admit I find that quite grim behaviour.

londonrach · 10/10/2021 12:49

Yabu. An important skill is to budget so budget how much to pay rent with a safety net as living at home is a must.

FauxPsychic · 10/10/2021 12:50

I can see this from different sides.

  • I think if you're not able to support another adult living in the home rent-free, there's nothing you can do but charge.
  • I think some people do it because they don't want to enable their adult children and/or give them an excuse to be lazy (or whatever else they're trying to avoid).
  • I think if you can afford it comfortably and have sensible children, there's nothing wrong with letting them stay rent-free.
  • I think it's beneficial for them to (be expected to) contribute to the household needs (food, general toiletries, bills), rent-free or not.
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 10/10/2021 12:50

I think once they're earning (or even if students living at home but getting the maximum loan for doing so) it's entirely acceptable to charge them. Clearly not the going market rate but something to show willing and which actually be used to make home a more comfortable living space for everyone.

x2boys · 10/10/2021 12:51

Ah, typical. Mumsnet in their own little middle class bubble, back in the real world many teens don't go to university, there are plenty of working families who can't afford to support another adult particularly one whose working full time, why should the parents scrimp to afford bills and food etc, havi g lost tax credits etc when there's another adult working full time?