To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

I'm not sure you did come here to hear different viewpoints, you were incredibly scathing of anyone who charges rent.

When you say 'rent' do you mean charging for the actual roof over their heads or do you mean a contribution to bills/food shopping? If an adult child is earning a full time wage, I think they should contribute to the household. The contribution is unlikely to be anywhere near the actual cost of.

At some point in their lives adults have to start paying for their actual living expenses.

Parents who have raised kids need to start looking at their own savings and retirement pot.

Young adults need to start looking at being independent and maybe parents themselves.

It's not really difficult to see that this could/ should include adult kid's paying bed and board.

It isn't virtuous not to charge. It's just your choice, your finances.

It isn't nasty, or 'making money' from your kids, to charge them. It's just your choice, your finances.

I see it a bit from both sides.
Someone in my family has two 40+ year old children living at home still. They pay £25 a week rent. It's ridiculous. The homeowner is on a pension and is effectively supporting two adults who are entirely capable of supporting themselves and moving out.

My dad asked me for £550 a month when I first started working full time - I was earning £900 a month at the time. He then wondered why I left and stayed in staff accommodation for £250 a month!

@Hdhshxhs

Ofc if financials are tight and the parents are struggling then I can see why people charge rent

My point was mostly in relation to friends of mine who are comfortable charging their kids rent (about £350 a month I think) whilst the kids are also trying to save for a house
It just seemed a bit sad to me that they do this when they don't have to

Helpful if you’d said exactly that in the OP, then.

I honestly cannot get worked up about this. You can’t live anywhere round here for £350 a month as an adult - even houseshares are more. And I’m not in an expensive part of the country.

Adults pay living costs. Post full-time education, when they’re earning an independent wage, why wouldn’t they contribute?

Maybe ask your friends why they do it?

I wouldn’t live in this sized house if I didn’t have adult dc at home. If I could afford to of course I would let them live here for free

@GetDrunkWithMe

YABU and you know it, miss judgy pants.

This gave me a chuckle. 😂

It is responsible to charge rent. I paid it to my parents and expect my children to pay it.

Op you say you wont top up your money by charging rent at the expense of your children.
Its not always as simple as that.
When our dc both home during lockdown our bills went up significantly.
Two more baths a day. Much more than double the food.
Not everyone can afford that increase... am sure irs not that hard a concept to understand.

And your friends could easily offer you a different view point if you asked them and said you thought they were very strange

@pandora206

My son has just turned 30 and earns £35k a year, so I think it's reasonable for him to contribute, even while he is putting money away for a house deposit. His contribution covers increased cost of council tax and water/energy bills (particularly as he's a cool freak and has an air conditioning unit in his room).

Your son earns more than I do, but apparently I (if I was his parent) should be paying to keep him. That seems a weird kind of logic.

(I know that's not your logic btw)

OP: how old are these adults paying £350/month each, to parent(s), as rent & also saving for a house?

There's something to be said in not teaching our kids to take Bank of Mum & Dad for granted.

@Hdhshxhs

QueenBee52 You can be snarky like that if you like, it doesn't bother me. The way I see it is I am giving my kids a good start by allowing them to live at home for free so they can save up to buy their own homes. If your family works differently then that's fine, I came to hear different view points

course it bothers you ... 🤣

otherwise you wouldn't have replied 🙄😂

A thousand times YABU.

I was able to save a deposit AND give my mum ‘rent’.

She needed the £250 each month to help pay bills and I never begrudged it.

I now own my own home and think having to pay rent made me more responsible about saving ans budgeting.

If you want your adult dc living off you then that’s your prerogative but let others make their own choices without judgement.

I paid 20% of my take home pay.

It was wayess thn market rent for a room and i didnt need to pay bills or food so pretty good value.

I'll be charging DD as soon as she stops studying unless shes training/apprenticeship or saving up for gap year/uni.

When my DC reached 18 I lost £350 a month overall from child support, working tax credits, family allowance. It was a huge drop for me.
I charged 'keep'.

I'm in a much better position now. I still charge 'keep' which is secretly squirrelled away towards DC's house deposit for when the time comes.

We always contributed when we were working and living with parents. That's how we do things. Everyone is different, there's nothing wrong with that so no need to pick people apart for it.

I was charged rent when I began working at 16, 50% of my wages. My mum didn't need the money. I learnt to budget and to accept a large chunk of my money was going to be taken and not to be spent on myself.

My sister who is a few years young never had to pay anything, and she still has no concept of money and lives at home rent free at 27 whereas I am a homeowner.

It might not have been nice, but I think I had more of a lesson in being charged rent than my sister.

So you think someone in their 30s, good career good u come, should be able to live in their parents house rent free?

As long as they say they are saving for a house?

What if they don't eat to be a home owner, but just like having more disposable income?

What if the person IS early twenties and ARE saving and the parents are secretly saving their rent to give them back in a lump sum?

Is that OK?

I think this depends on the financial situation of the household and adult child, to be honest.
If the parents are struggling to make ends meet snd the adult child works, it makes sense.
If the parents are perfectly fine, and the adult child is saving to buy their own place, it makes sense not to charge rent.

Yes I agree that I actually think it's kind of weird not to charge at least something when your child has a full time job and is earning. It's a bit infantilising, really. They wouldn't be able to live with friends or anywhere else and not contribute. Even minimum wage would allow them a ton of disposable income with the token rents that most parents charge.

I would expect (hope) most grown-up children to want to pay at least something, though, to pay their way.

QueenBee52 If that's what you need to believe to feel good then go for it

I wouldn't speak to my friend about it unless she directly asked my opinion, and after some of the responses on here probably not even then!

It’s a luxury to have your adult children live at home rent free, one that not everyone has or can afford.

Hdhshxhs hearing different viewpoints is fine.
Judging your friends and others who get rent from adult DC is less fine.

I hope you've now realised that things are not always as simple as you thought.

Also, some "adult" children may need a reminder of what real life is, and that there are responsibilities to meet. Depending on their character