How do I find out if someone has died?

[MissingThemDearly]

I know this isn’t the right section, I’m posting for traffic. PLEASE don’t move it, I am so desperate for help.

Realistically, how would I find out if someone is dead? I have a gut feeling they are. But I don’t know any information apart from their first name (which is common) and the city they live in (which is large). They were last seen on WhatsApp last month, which rules out that I’ve been blocked as it wouldn’t show that info if I had been, and their phone just goes straight to voicemail when trying to call. This is literally the only information that I have. I know it’s a big conclusion to jump to death but I have a gut feeling, and this is somebody that I was in contact with every four or five days without fail and now nothing for ages. I know the company they work for, but it’s a large supermarket chain and I don’t know which one or where it’s located.

This person is also Muslim. I add this because I don’t think funeral announcements are made locally and available, like other religions are, just in case anyone suggests that.

Is this a lost cause? Any advice or help would be appreciated, thank you in advance.

I find this bizarre, especially as after a couple of hours whatsapp doesn't show when someone was last active, so how would you know when they were last active?

@LadyMaid
If you contact the police and report the person missing then they can track the mobile number.
Do you honestly think the police have the resources to look for a bloke with no family name or address to go on just because someone he was 'involved' with hasn't heard from him (and has most likely been ghosted)? Presumably this bloke has family who'd report him missing if that was the case. Please don't fan the flames as the OP has no right to hunt this person down and perhaps needs to accept that he'll never know the answer as to did he die in a car crash - was that the original question way back??

If he's a young man, it's very unlikely, although not impossible, that he has died.

Unfortunately given his background, you both being male and him disappearing without a trace, the more plausible explanation is that he has decide to bury his feelings for you, and start life again, perhaps getting married. He wouldn't have mentioned any of this for obvious reasons.

@peboh

I find this bizarre, especially as after a couple of hours whatsapp doesn't show when someone was last active, so how would you know when they were last active?

That is incorrect. Whatsapp tells you the date - and the exact time - when someone was last logged on, well mine does anyway.

@LadyMaid

From your posts OP I gather you only know his first name as you met through AA or some other type of support group.

I can understand why you are worried.

If you contact the police and report the person missing then they can track the mobile number.

No it wasn’t, I’ve already said it’s not anything like that.

@Starseeking

If he's a young man, it's very unlikely, although not impossible, that he has died.

Unfortunately given his background, you both being male and him disappearing without a trace, the more plausible explanation is that he has decide to bury his feelings for you, and start life again, perhaps getting married. He wouldn't have mentioned any of this for obvious reasons.

I understand what you’re saying, but he would have told me. He just would have. So I’m inclined to think it’s not that.

I use WhatsApp regularly, and outside of saying active blah blah when, it does not show date and time. So maybe it is just WhatsApp.

I think from reading your updates, he's ghosted you. Probably changed his number. You need to let it go.

@MissingThemDearly

You're coming across a little weird here.

It doesn't matter if it was a hidden gay relationship, that he was married, that he was a Muslim or the drink driving.

You didn't know his surname. He purposely didn't let you know identifying details.

This is a soft no. The same as a hard no. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, have sex with you or be friends with you he'd stay in touch. He hasn't.

Respect that.

@Thatsjustwhatithink

This freaks me out. Someone doesn't want to be in contact with you and you're asking for tips on how to find someone who doesn't want to be found.

We've no idea if you're female, you could a male ex trying to find someone who is hiding from you.

Someone could have NC'd you...and you're not accepting it

Overall, I really don't understand why people are giving you stalking tips.

Leave it.

No one is giving stalking tips, do you think there are people's out there thinking about stalking someone but not having a clue how to do? By a stroke of luck they find this thread and suggestions like ring them from a different number or call their mosque and realize they now know what to do?

That's a bit laughable tbh

@peboh

I use WhatsApp regularly, and outside of saying active blah blah when, it does not show date and time. So maybe it is just WhatsApp.

I think from reading your updates, he's ghosted you. Probably changed his number. You need to let it go.

Well I don’t know how your WhatsApp works, maybe it’s the settings you have placed upon it yourself, but by default, WhatsApp shows a user when another user was last on. Screenshot attached.

[quote Thatsjustwhatithink]@MissingThemDearly

You're coming across a little weird here.

It doesn't matter if it was a hidden gay relationship, that he was married, that he was a Muslim or the drink driving.

You didn't know his surname. He purposely didn't let you know identifying details.

This is a soft no. The same as a hard no. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, have sex with you or be friends with you he'd stay in touch. He hasn't.

Respect that.[/quote]
This is frustrating… I didn’t want a relationship with him, we couldn’t have one even if we did due to his background, and he never indicated he didn’t want one with me either. We were friends though, so why people are saying I should get over it and realise he doesn’t want anything to do with me, when I haven’t done anything to warrant that from him, is beyond me. I don’t get why people are so quick to say he’s ghosted me other than the alternative that something bad has happened which seems more likely to me

@MissingThemDearly

That just means he's just ignoring you on WhatsApp? Isn't that message enough?

@peboh

I find this bizarre, especially as after a couple of hours whatsapp doesn't show when someone was last active, so how would you know when they were last active?

Not true at all. I’ve just messaged a friend who’s not been on WhatsApp since “Thursday 10:08am”

@YouTubeAddict

My mum’s sisters refused to tell her if my grandma had died. She had to resort to calling around the local crematorium’s to see if she’d been brought in 😞

Sorry, I have only just seen this. That is so sad. And a wicked thing for her sisters to withhold.

I think being ghosted, whether purposely or not must be incredibly painful and upsetting, so I think you're getting a hard time.

If the messages are sitting with 1 tick from your own number and another, but you can see the profile picture I'd have to assume that either they've deleted the app or the number isn't in service any longer.

I'd probably assume that somebody has discovered his secret, or a degree of it, rather than a car accident or similar.

A very close friend of mine disappeared without warning. We were due to meet for drinks one Friday, and I didn't hear from them again, until a couple of months later. They were in trouble with the police.

[quote Thatsjustwhatithink]@MissingThemDearly

That just means he's just ignoring you on WhatsApp? Isn't that message enough?[/quote]
He might be but the OP has said he's tried from a different number and the result is the same so that's not necessarily true

I was seeing someone a few years ago who disappeared for a few weeks and then died without me knowing - I found out a couple of months later by asking everyone I met who might have known them, and then the police confirmed what I'd been told when I phoned them.

Before and after that, I never found anything about their death by googling/news reports/Facebook etc.

I hope that the person you're missing is safe and well even if they're not in contact.

I also hope you find peace if they don't get in touch; the limbo of not knowing what went on/where they were was awful. Best wishes to you OP.

@peboh

I find this bizarre, especially as after a couple of hours whatsapp doesn't show when someone was last active, so how would you know when they were last active?

I dont think you understand how WhatsApp works. If you choose to share your last online you can see other users who have also choosen to share theirs. If someone's disappears after a couple of hours they must have changed their settings

[quote Thatsjustwhatithink]@MissingThemDearly

That just means he's just ignoring you on WhatsApp? Isn't that message enough?[/quote]
It means he hasn’t been on WhatsApp at all since then. Even if someone ignores a particular message (ie doesn’t open it) it would still show they’d been online more recently. Unlikely he’s avoiding everyone else on WhatsApp just to appear offline to one person.

Could it just be that he’s lost or broken his phone, OP? Maybe has had to get a temporary number?

I'm sorry I just can't get past the poster at the very beginning of this thread who remarked that there can't be many adults who would need to borrow £20.
I think MN is otherworldly at times. Just because it's not something that someone is familiar with in their own lives.....
For context I lent my 46 year old friend £20 for a taxi last week because the driver didn't want to use the app and my mate didn't have any cash.

Anyway, @missingthemdearly would your friend have the same difficulty in finding you? If it is a simple broken phone situation, do you think he knows enough about you to be able to get in touch?

@MissingThemDearly

Sorry OP, but confused here. You didn't have a romantic/sexual relationship with this man, you were just friends? Also you don't know where he lives or his surname, or what he does for work, so you don't really know him well?

But you think it's more likely that he's died than not that interested in you?

OP I have no suggestions that haven’t already been mentioned.

But I just want to say I really feel for you, the not knowing is awful and only time will ease that a little. I’ve been through this a few times on a much much smaller scale and I know I’ll always be wondering what happened; without a final message or proof of something it simply won’t ever be finalised or ‘finished’ in my head.

I hope you find something out one way or the other. Failing that, I hope you are able to find the peace to accept that it’ll always be unfinished.

Youve been ghosted and BLOCKED from his WhatsApp

So many people on this thread don't understand how WhatsApp works.

He has not been blocked because he can see when the person was last active on WhatsApp. You cannot see this info if you have been blocked.

The person is not just ghosting OP on WhatsApp, because he hasn't been on WhatsApp AT ALL to talk to anyone. If they were ghosting the OP then they would presumably still be talking to other people on WhatsApp, and the 'last active' date would update.

[quote Thatsjustwhatithink]@MissingThemDearly

Sorry OP, but confused here. You didn't have a romantic/sexual relationship with this man, you were just friends? Also you don't know where he lives or his surname, or what he does for work, so you don't really know him well?

But you think it's more likely that he's died than not that interested in you?[/quote]
Sorry, but your reply is as confusing to me as mine probably was to you. I did have a sexual relationship with him. But not a romantic one. We were not in a relationship. We were not together at all, but we were friendly and open and spoke about things and I specifically asked him why he wasn’t married (as per his culture) and if he was getting married after his old marriage fell through and he answered me openly each time I asked those questions. So him not “being not interested in me” randomly suddenly after 9 years is more odd to me than him passing away. Obviously you probably see it differently because you don’t know the situation.