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Original poster

How do I find out if someone has died?

273 replies

MissingThemDearly · 07/10/2021 14:18

I know this isn’t the right section, I’m posting for traffic. PLEASE don’t move it, I am so desperate for help.

Realistically, how would I find out if someone is dead? I have a gut feeling they are. But I don’t know any information apart from their first name (which is common) and the city they live in (which is large). They were last seen on WhatsApp last month, which rules out that I’ve been blocked as it wouldn’t show that info if I had been, and their phone just goes straight to voicemail when trying to call. This is literally the only information that I have. I know it’s a big conclusion to jump to death but I have a gut feeling, and this is somebody that I was in contact with every four or five days without fail and now nothing for ages. I know the company they work for, but it’s a large supermarket chain and I don’t know which one or where it’s located.

This person is also Muslim. I add this because I don’t think funeral announcements are made locally and available, like other religions are, just in case anyone suggests that.

Is this a lost cause? Any advice or help would be appreciated, thank you in advance.

OP posts:
DaveDave · 09/10/2021 22:50

Mmmm that is really odd. I think you will need to go bacon on previous conversations. There must be something unusual about them to help track them down. Interests, hobbies. You mentioned Facebook marketplace, do you know what they were selling / buying?

I don't know why people are being so mean, I feel for you!

RAFHercules · 09/10/2021 23:38

If you are concerned for their welfare you could contact the police? Otherwise you have to respect their privacy I guess, and just let them walk away.

girlmom21 · 10/10/2021 07:14

@RAFHercules

If you are concerned for their welfare you could contact the police? Otherwise you have to respect their privacy I guess, and just let them walk away.
The police aren't going to treat someone as a missing person based on the information the OP has
shrugshrug · 10/10/2021 08:03

On WhatsApp you can choose to allow the function that tells the sender whether you have read their message, to be switched off.
It does also mean though that you can't tell if someone has read your message to them.

Perhaps your friend has switched the function off ?
If so, they may have read your message* @MissingThemDearly* but you won't know.

Thatsjustwhatithink · 10/10/2021 08:14

This freaks me out. Someone doesn't want to be in contact with you and you're asking for tips on how to find someone who doesn't want to be found.

We've no idea if you're female, you could a male ex trying to find someone who is hiding from you.

Someone could have NC'd you...and you're not accepting it

Overall, I really don't understand why people are giving you stalking tips.

Leave it.

Mermay · 10/10/2021 08:34

We've no idea if you're female, you could a male ex trying to find someone who is hiding from you.

Willing to give OP benefit of the doubt here, but they clearly don’t realise that their caginess in not wanting to give more details is leaving the situation open for all sorts of interpretations. Many women who escaped abusive relationships know the lengths abusers go to track them down. The male abuser could be trying to locate a male person close to the victim in order to get more information. Or if they have a hunch that the person died then it will provide more clues on the future actions or whereabouts of the victim.

It’s quite common for people to create threads on MN where they are actually a third person in the story or the situation/genders are flipped. So this is not an outrageous suspicion at all but something long term MN users are aware of.

felulageller · 10/10/2021 08:53

Op why do you keep saying they instead of he/she. It's a lot easier to find someone if you know if they are male or female!

If they are in FB they are findable.

Wazzzzzzzup · 10/10/2021 08:55

People REALLY need to stop trying to "help".
This is now as dosgy aa they come

Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 10/10/2021 09:14

@Thatsjustwhatithink

This freaks me out. Someone doesn't want to be in contact with you and you're asking for tips on how to find someone who doesn't want to be found.

We've no idea if you're female, you could a male ex trying to find someone who is hiding from you.

Someone could have NC'd you...and you're not accepting it

Overall, I really don't understand why people are giving you stalking tips.

Leave it.

I didn’t want to explain but perhaps it will put things into context, I should just add I name changed for this thread and Am a long user. I am male and so is the person in question - they are male too. I have already said they are Muslim. We were not together in a relationship, and I was not Persuing one with him, so I don’t know his last name. I also don’t know his social media, because I don’t use it myself, so I never asked his or if he had one. I know he used Facebook marketplace because I saw him use it once and we had a conversation about it. I know it might be unusual to some that I don’t know his last name but he wasn’t comfortable sharing that info with me and I guess I never asked because I didn’t feel like I needed to know. I did not want to be romantically linked to this guy but I had seen him for the last 9 years, since I was 19 and he was 23. And now he’s not here. And I miss him. Looking back with hindsight, yes I should have asked for more info from him to identify him in case something like this happened. And it is something we spoke about before. But with him being Muslim and him being male and me being male, it was something he wanted to keep secret side to his life. I don’t think he was married, because it’s something I asked openly loads of times and he answered me honestly loads of times. When he was reaching 30 I said i thought it was odd that he wasn’t married off yet and why his family wasn’t marrying him off and he explained why they weren’t and I took it at face value and still do. He was also meant to be married when he was 25 and told me what was happening and then it fel through, and he told me all this from start to finish so that’s why I don’t think he would just ghost me in the way others are saying, even if he was suddenly getting married. I already also explained the drink driving thing which made me so angry with him, so that’s why I had a pull to that conclusion. He has also been in jail before, so that’s why when people mentioned that, I started to ask questions about that. This wasn’t the amount of info I was feeling comfortable sharing but hopefully it will answer some questions that people keep asking.
OP posts:
nordicnorth · 10/10/2021 09:33

'I don't know his last name but he wasn't comfortable sharing that info with me'

There's your answer. Leave his alone.

rainyskylight · 10/10/2021 09:54

Honestly if you were a secret part of his life he probably saw not much benefit in continuing it and blocked your number. That’s really harsh to hear but can be true. Someone I considered to be one of my best friends (12 year friendship , I’d asked her to be bridesmaid at my wedding, she was the last person I went and visited before Covid) blocked me a few months back. She just thought we’d grown apart.

YouTubeAddict · 10/10/2021 09:57

My mum’s sisters refused to tell her if my grandma had died. She had to resort to calling around the local crematorium’s to see if she’d been brought in 😞

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 10/10/2021 10:27

If he’s young and has died there would be an article somewhere. You could do a search just on Google News and filter by the last month if you get too many results.

There is a find a prisoner service but I don’t think they’d be able to help without a bit more detail. www.gov.uk/find-prisoner

But if he’s not dead or in prison, I think you need to give up sadly.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/10/2021 10:31

He wanted to keep a friendship secret because he was a Muslim? Yet as a Muslim he was drinking? And driving whilst drunk. This doesn't add up.

beigebrownblue · 10/10/2021 10:38

If they had written a will these are published online now. see govenrment website. Year of death needed.

Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 10/10/2021 10:59

@sweeneytoddsrazor

He wanted to keep a friendship secret because he was a Muslim? Yet as a Muslim he was drinking? And driving whilst drunk. This doesn't add up.
I think I explained that it was beyond just being friends
OP posts:
tootootaataa · 10/10/2021 11:00

Honestly, you need to move on. If someone wanted to get in touch, they would.
I am sorry you feel like this but it's important for your sanity that you look forward, and not backwards.
seek professional guidance if you can

bluegreygreen · 10/10/2021 11:51

I think you should step back and think a bit.

Someone who kept you very separate from the rest of his life is now not responding to you. The most likely thing (more likely than death or prison) is that he has decided to move on for some reason.

Some of the suggestions on thus thread are definitely moving into stalker territory.

Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 10/10/2021 12:32

@nordicnorth

'I don't know his last name but he wasn't comfortable sharing that info with me'

There's your answer. Leave his alone.

I was asking if there was a way to find out if someone had passed away - if he has then I’d find out, if he hasn’t, then I won’t. I can’t “leave his (sic) alone” because I’m not doing anything
OP posts:
Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 10/10/2021 12:33

@bluegreygreen

I think you should step back and think a bit.

Someone who kept you very separate from the rest of his life is now not responding to you. The most likely thing (more likely than death or prison) is that he has decided to move on for some reason.

Some of the suggestions on thus thread are definitely moving into stalker territory.

This is so very wrong. But I thank you for your input regardless.
OP posts:
Sleeplessem · 10/10/2021 12:44

So OP you were ‘more than friends’ with a muslim man in his 30s who didn’t feel comfortable telling you his surname? Just so I get it, were you in a sexual/ romantic relationship? I know you said you weren’t romantically involved, so just wanted to double check.

If so, did he give you any indication of what his family are like? I.e. would it be dangerous for him to be outed?

Is he asian?

I’m Muslim and married to a british Pakistani and it’s common enough that people are married off back home for all sorts of reasons (some almost like community redemption/ almost punitive ie. got into some trouble here, got a girl pregnant, got mixed up with the wrong crowd drugs etc… all reasons I’ve personally witnessed for someone to get married off back home) maybe if he was outed this could have happened?

RestingPandaFace · 10/10/2021 12:48

If you are both male and in a relationship that is seen as taboo within his community, do t you think that the much more likely explanation is that he has been outed in some way and forced / shamed into cutting off contact? Maybe someone saw your messages and has forced him to remove WhatsApp from his phone.

steff13 · 10/10/2021 12:55

Without knowing his last name or anyone in his family, it's going to be nearly impossible to find out, I think. Do you know anything about his employment?

Wazzzzzzzup · 10/10/2021 13:01

Stop encouraging this fgs people

LadyMaid · 10/10/2021 13:20

From your posts OP I gather you only know his first name as you met through AA or some other type of support group.

I can understand why you are worried.

If you contact the police and report the person missing then they can track the mobile number.