What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

A colleague told me if I didn't get my baby christened and he died he'd go to hell. As I'm atheist I just laughed because I don't believe in either heaven or hell.

After I had my 5th boy I got lots of horrible comments about sending him back and how disappointing he was. Some of the comments were from family (in laws), some from complete strangers who saw me with my boys in town.

Got told with glee (in laws again) that I would never be able to breastfeed twins (they were very against breastfeeding) It just made me more determined to do it, and I did for 9 months.

I really struggled with breastfeeding. 4 days after the birth (still in hospital) I had to have a CT scan (suspected PE) so needed to pump milk as I couldn't feed for 12 hours afterwards.

Hardly got anything through pumping. Was worried about this & went to ask for advice at the midwife station, the HCA actually laughed at me and said "I'd expect that little after 4 hours, not 4 days!" I was in tears on the phone to DP as that was the last thing I needed.

I'd always been told that if I wanted to BF then any formula should be given to baby via a cup/spoon - returned from the CT scan to a HCA bottle feeding my baby (despite me telling them).

I left hospital doing combination feeding. DS was a hungry baby so even after my milk had come in & BF was established, he would regularly want more and would have a bottle of formula after a breastfeed. Visited a very pro-BF friend who saw me giving him formula and pretty much shouted at me "what are you doing giving him that?? He doesn't need it, look at him, he's fine without it!". I told her that how I feed my baby is not up for discussion. The friendship has never really recovered.

2 weeks post partum and a random in the supermarket asked me if I was breastfeeding, bit hmmm but I said yes. She replied "oh good, that will help you shift all that weight!"

My partner walked me off very quickly at that point 🤦‍♀️

There are lots of annoying things that HV, midwife etc did when I was trying to breastfeed etc and were spectacularly unhelpful.

But my real answer is the few friends that basically disappeared. One couple I've seen once since 5yo DC was born - I've given up asking if they want to do anything. My former best mate was brilliant when firstborn arrived - then after my second disappeared as well. I'm sure it's not me but it's made me really sad - I've made myself available and offered to drive etc but people are just flakey.

Not a patch on some of the other stories in this thread though!

[quote PerfectPrepPrincess]@definitelyGotz. Hope you've gone NC with her now!!! Bloody hell![/quote]
I don’t see her and have minimal contact via text if it’s necessary . She really damaged me with an emotionally abusive childhood then manipulation into adulthood.
I think now looking back with the clarity of thought that comes with distance /NC that she was trying to keep me there. Break me down and ruin relationships, to keep me as help for herself. I do feel stupid it took me so long to realise tbh, but it was such a toxic relationship and having known no different it took me a long time
I look back now and I can’t believe it

My DS was born by emergency CS, after we lost his heartbeat while I was at 9cm during labor.
The anesthesia was too strong (they had to act quckly) and I ended up 1 day in ICU to recover.

It was very traumatic and I suffered of PTSD for few months (now gone thanks to a wonderful therapist).

During the first weeks I was very scared, having nightmares etc.
My mother told me to "quit complaining because I did not even had to endure a "real birth"".

I think she wanted to give me a shock treatment but I was devastated and this sentence was one of the key topics of my therapy afterwards.

When I had my first DC over 16 years ago now, you wasn't allowed to use mobile phones on the ward. I had mine for taking outside but MIL phoned and wouldn't stop talking. I was in a private room with the door open and trying to get MIL off the phone when the health care assistant walked past, stood in the doorway and literally SCREAMED at the top of her lungs " TURN THAT PHONE OFF NOW!"

five minutes later a midwife came in and told me that it's alright for me having a healthy baby but that I was selfish because every time I used my mobile phone the babies in the NICU (housed in a completely different building to where I was) couldn't breathe because of me and some of them were dying.
This obviously upset me and for the rest of my stay the staff were really off with me, I was in 5 days.

A year later I was back at work with vulnerable adults and the health care assistant came for a job interview. I recognised her straight away and made sure she wasn't employed.

My sister in law told me not to talk to the baby in my own language because "you're in Ireland now, they don't need to hear that shit". I still hate her.

I have a male relative who likes to goad people into getting upset because he thinks it’s funny (he’s horrible).

When it was two weeks after my emergency CS he came over with other relatives and decided to wind me up asking repeatedly why the garden is such a mess, obviously finding it funny when I got upset, making fun of me for being “miserable”. He even did a little dance. I lost it and told him to fuck off, which in the long run was fantastic because now he’s determined not to talk to me again until I apologise.

I had always put up with his weird/annoying behaviour because he’s family but with a two week old, still in pain and so sleep deprived I couldn’t see straight being diplomatic had dropped off my to do list!! At the time it really made me feel like shit though.

I’d had a quite traumatic twin birth, both twins were the NICU, one awaiting surgery, the other on a ventilator and my FiL asked if I was sure there wasn’t another one still in there and told my mum we’d regret having my DD (she has Down Syndrome). I’ve still not really forgiven him, I’m just civil to keep the peace!

After my first son was born (traumatic birth, haemorrhage, kept in hospital for days etc) I arrived home to find a “friend” waiting for our arrival. She’d told my SIL that I’d said I wanted her there! The last thing I wanted was to entertain anyone never mind a vague acquaintance. Second sons birth was announced on social media by a great aunt that I had basically nothing to do with. I hadn’t even had time to let close friends know. Que a hurried text sent way before I wanted to and then constant messages and calls when I just wanted to bond with my new born. Friend and aunt no longer in my life!

My fil and his wife (who have caused no end of problems in our family) pushed their way into seeing us when our daughter was 3 days old for a photo opportunity. Nothing more.
Me and my partner have a very strained relationship with them, too much to go into but they have caused a lot of upset and stress, for so much of the family.
I made it clear to my partner that I didn’t want them coming for a while after DD was born, we have an older DS who they barely bothered with as it was. I knew the only reason they wanted to see DD was to get a photo so they could put in on social media to make out that they’re doting family members blah blah blah.
Fil rung DP to see when they could come round, DP tried to stall them but fil was very insistent in coming and DP has a real problem with being assertive towards him as he has a way of making you feel like the smallest thing on earth. Very patronising, belittling, etc.
Anyway they insisted on coming and bringing round dinner with them (so we didn’t have the excuse of having to sort it to get rid of them) and DP relented. I burst into tears when he came off the phone, he felt awful but I couldn’t help be mad at him for not holding his ground.
They came round with a kfc, took her for photos and didn’t want to give her back when she started crying for a feed. I was breastfeeding at the time. I made my feelings clear when I stood up, took her back and took her into the kitchen for BF. I didn’t say goodbye to them when they left.
I was then of course bad mouthed to the family (luckily they all see through them, with one or two exceptions)
It still upsets and angers me now to think about. More has happened since then (unforgivable things) and we now don’t speak to the wife at all (yes!) and barely have any contact with fil (brilliant!) Life is so much better now.

I'm flabbergasted at some of these stories and am sorry to hear about the arseholes some of you have had to deal with at such a sensitive time. I know some people scoff at the MN advice of waiting until you're ready to have visitors after birth but that's exactly what we did. Our first visitors were when baby was three weeks old. By that point, I had come to terms with having a baby, had BF semi-sorted and a routine sort of in place. There was no way I'd have been happy people seeing me at my most vulnerable or most exposed (DC spent hours latched onto my boobs) and had reflux so I was always covered in sick.

Having said that, the worst thing someone said to me was my former GP. She was an 'expert' and 'leading voice' in all things woman's health and had written guidance for the government, etc. so I thought I was in safe hands. I went in for my 8 week check and had the beginnings of PND. I broke down in front of her but she shrugged off how I was feeling and told me I'd be fine before taking the baby from me and weighing him. I felt foolish for crying in front of her but thought she was right, I just needed to stay strong. I deteriorated so much with my MH that after 14 months, I had a breakdown. I'll never forgive her for that. Cow.

@goldierocks- what a complete and utter fucker.

Wow, what?

"As long as he has all his fingers and toes". For #3.
#2 was born without a hand, and yes, they were aware.

Although tbf I think it was one of those foot in mouth moments that they went away and kicked themselves hard.

Some awful comments here.
Mine were mostly negative comments trying to undermine my breastfeeding efforts; I know I wasn't very good at it to begin with. Also told to breast feed in the toilet ☹ as it might upset people
The constant chipping away at your confidence as a new mum is unforgettable and unforgivable.

I had an emergency C-section, ds was in SBCU for 3 days and ex 'd'p, decided that the day after I came out of hospital would be a great day to have a BBQ. My step daughters were already at our house when I got home so the eldest(14) horrible bf and his friends were invited along with our closest friends. I just remember sitting on the floor in ds' room in floods of tears saying, "I just want everyone to go home!' Dp then had a go at me for being antisocial. 🤬

When dd1 was a few weeks old I bumped into an old friend at the shops and she warned me not fall asleep with baby on my chest as sadly she knew of a family whose baby passed away from this happening.

I was living with PIL and DH was working nights.

I got home and told PIL of this awful tragedy. That very night I was holding DD and fell asleep on their sofa in front of the TV with DD head on my chest. The TV and lights were on and PIL were up and about. The Moses basket was next to the sofa.

I woke up God knows how long after in the pitch black room TV and lights switched off and baby dripping wet from sweat in my chest. I sat there paralysed with fear for my baby who was thankfully ok. But I was really upset because PIL saw me like that after I'd told them that very day about the danger, and they turned off the TV and lights and didn't even put the baby in her basket. It still baffles and angers me now

@goldierocks I'm so glad he's your ex, that made my stomach flip just reading that.

My ex was a complete scumbag who didn't want our DS. He made some nasty comments about him when we were still in the delivery room.
His parents were also something else too. I visited them with DS when he was a week old. I was at that stage where your hormones drop and felt a bit wobbly anyway. ExMIL begged me to let her take him out to see some family. I said no as he was due a feed soon and I didn't feel happy her taking him anyway. She went on and on, promised she'd be half an hour, she'd come straight back if he cried etc. In the end she ground me down and I gave in. Long story short she vanished off with him for over 3 hours and no one could get hold of her. I was beside myself and absolutely fuming.

Dh rang mil to tell her I had had an emcs and ds had arrived at 35weeks. I had also had a suspected heart attack and was being kept in and monitored.
She told him she was pleased ds was early as it meant he could go on holiday with her and fil now.. Their relationship never recovered and she snubbed ds...
Been 6 and a half years since we have seen her.

My son was very premature (11 weeks). Many peopletoo manyasked why. I found this question excruciating and cruel. Especially because when I had spent weeks in the hospital lying flat on my back trying to prevent premature labor and it didn't work. And a social work still came into my room and afterwards to ask me if I took drugs. It was her job, I guess, but it cut me to the core, realizing that this is what people thought of a mother who had a premature baby.

When I told my sister that I was pregnant with no3 - she burst out crying saying “You always get what you want”

When my much wished for baby girl was born (after miscarriage, infertility and 2 boys) same sister (who always wanted a daughter but only had one son) - sent me a card welcoming “Baby Katie” because she didn’t like the name I had chosen. She also bought a functional basic navy blue dress as a gift which for some reason unsettled me (I might well have been hormonal)!

Once when I was sitting breast feeding on the edge of my bed (naked) in the middle of the night with my newborn - my MIL who was staying over came in, sat right up close to me and stuck her head down into my chest to watch. I felt v vulnerable and violated.

Same MIL told all of her colleagues that she was coming to Ireland to my sons Christening to make sure it was done properly. She spent the whole weekend shit faced, either ignoring / snubbing or offending all of my family and sneering at the house.

I don’t know why was wrong with me because I spend the following 20 years still including her, seeking her approval which of course never came and her shocking behaviour just got worse.

“I bet you wish you’d given MrSheepysheep a blow job instead” said to me by a local shop owner when newborn DS1 was crying whilst I was being served at the counter. I’ve never been in his shop again and DS1 is now 12!!

@Cheeseandlobster

Dp's friends awful girlfriend told me ds was going to hell because I wasn't getting him christened.

I hope I would have been 'on it' enough to say 'no worries, I'll be there already, waiting for him'.