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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 08/08/2021 11:35

The worst thing after fourty odd hours in labour and my back was really hurting due to anaesthetics etc.

I was starting breastfeeding and had asked night nurse in hospital for some help lifting baby out of deep NHS cot as my back was hurting. She said 'well if you can't do it yourself you'll have to formula feed'.

I was out of there like a shot.

The NICEST thing was a complete stranger elderly gentelman in Marks and Sparks when I bravely went for my very first outing with the pram and baby.

He looked over at baby and said 'she is a credit to you'.

Held me up for several weeks in a difficult recovery.

ReggaetonLente · 08/08/2021 11:36

MIL told me she wanted to call social services because she was so worried about then 6 week old DD1's safety. This was mainly because I wouldn't put a hat on her in 25 degree weather, and MIL thought she might die of cold.

This kick started 6 months of PNA and was the last time I ever spoke to her, it'll be 3 years soon. She hasn't met DD2 either.

Pinkflipflop85 · 08/08/2021 11:37

A nasty midwife talked to me like I was an over anxious paranoid idiot when I took my 3 day old back to hospital. Said I was worrying about nothing and huffed when I asked for a second opinion.

Paediatrician came along. Took one look at ds and rushed him to special care. He was severely dehydrated and his kidneys were failing.

Her comments and behaviour towards me added to the downward spiral of pnd and ptsd that I then went into.

7 years on and I still want to tell her what a cunt she was.

TeaDrinker98 · 08/08/2021 11:37

@Saisong

MIL insisted on bringing an ancient auntie round, who appeared with a cold sore ShockAngry. They all played pass-the-baby while I held back tears and was on high alert to grab baby back if there was any hint of kissing! Honestly I wish I'd had the backbone to refuse to hand her over and ask them to leave - but first time Mum, could barely sit down for stitches, still in the tearful stage and leaking breast milk all over - was not in the best presence of mind.
@Saisong

"An ancient auntie"

Wow......

CMOTDibbler · 08/08/2021 11:37

My SIL had a strop that DH wasn't going to drive half way across the country to go to her birthday party. The day ds had been born prematurely, was quite unwell in SCBU and I had lost a lot of blood.
The PIL had booked to be overseas in their holiday home for 7 weeks including over ds's due date (booked after they knew), and had only just gone when he was born. Much drama from them about having to find an internet cafe to see a photo, even though he would still have been born when they'd chosen to be away, and rather than supporting DH it was all about them

PerfectPrepPrincess · 08/08/2021 11:38

@definitelyGotz. Hope you've gone NC with her now!!! Bloody hell!

RedMarauder · 08/08/2021 11:41

@definitelyGotz I hope you have realised your mother is unreliable and not actually a supportive person.

SedentaryCat · 08/08/2021 11:42

My father phoned me every day for an hour to 'see how I was'. But actually wanted to talk about his recovery from a recent near fatal motorcycle accident rather than actually find out how I was.

I was recovering from a fairly traumatic birth, had developed thrombo plebitis in my leg, and was caring for a colicky newborn.

Always seemed to phone when DD was asleep, in the only hour I had to get a shower and something to eat. Stopped answering the phone in the end.

FuzzyPenguin · 08/08/2021 11:42

Two things which stick with me

  1. MIL wanted to take DS out for a walk in the pram, he was about 2 weeks old, she disappeared for 2 hours without her phone. She had walked to her friends house to show off the baby. I was frantic.

  2. Random elderly woman lifted DS out of his pram when he was 4 weeks old while I was paying at the tills. She didn’t want to hand him back. Someone one who I assume was her support worker tried to convince her to put the baby back, longest 10mins of my life but I tried to stay calm not to scare DS or the lady.

TotoAnnihiliation · 08/08/2021 11:44

My baby arrived 5 weeks early, it was a very traumatic birth etc. My so called good friend, contacted me the day DD was born to say congratulations. Didn't hear from her again for 6 weeks, her car had broken down and she wanted my DH to go out and fix it. Screamed at me when I said no, apparently it was my fault that her kids would have to walk to school. Haven't spoken to her since but she has told mutual friends that I had some kind of breakdown and stopped talking to her.

havesomepatiencechild · 08/08/2021 11:44

SIL told me when my firstborn was ten days old and I was struggling from a horror birth and trying to breastfeed that I needed to go upstairs in my own house because the sight of me trying to BF my baby on the sofa was making her Dad feel uncomfortable. Luckily DH stepped in immediately and asked them all to go home.

We took baby to a small party for MIL when she was about three weeks old for a couple of hours. I didn't want to go, but really got pressured into it. MIL took the opportunity to take tired baby off me or out of her pram several times to walk her around showing her off to her friends playing pass the parcel with her and got really huffy when I eventually marched over and took her back after hearing her screeching from across the room.

When same baby was a couple of weeks old we'd had a night where we'd had no sleep and around lunchtime I finally got her to sleep in her Moses basket and dozed off myself on the sofa. DH woke me up about ten minutes later to tell me his parents were coming over and I needed to get up, have a shower and get ready for them to arrive. I asked him to reschedule because I was exhausted and was cross about him waking me - I assumed he'd have had the sense to think of rescheduling himself seeing as we were both asleep - he said his parents would be upset and the resulting disagreement woke the bloody baby. He did ring and reschedule and as predicted his mother threw a total strop about it and I was so wound up I couldn't get back to sleep anyway (and had a screeching baby again!). I don't know what got into him actually he's normally very good.

There are more.... second baby I was much more firm with my boundaries! Didn't happen again.

QuirkyUsername · 08/08/2021 11:44

My sister in law bought her family over to meet the new baby when she was a few days old. Her step daughter aged 4 was insisting on holding and kissing the baby.
An hour later they informed me the step daughter had been to the doctors that morning and had conjunctivitis but it was ok because she never rubbed her eyes. She did. Repeatedly.

Flibbitygibbit · 08/08/2021 11:45

Went to some do with exh and baby. Woman asked me if I was going back to work to which I replied that I would be part time. She immediately said “ oh you’ll be a part time mother then “. Didn’t even know the stupid woman. This was 28 years ago and I’m still irritated by it !

Blippibloppi · 08/08/2021 11:46

Talking to a group of mums at a baby class, DS needed feeding so got my bottle out and then the "head" mum said "oh, do you not feed himself yourself? No, girls like you never do". I was a 35yo senior manager at the time so not sure what sort of "girl" I was.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 08/08/2021 11:47

While I was in labour, MIL (who hadn't even been told which hospital) kept phoning for updates. She pretended to be my DM as she thought she would get more info (I suspect she did - rules have tightened since then).

My first memory is a midwife opening the door 15 mins after DD had been born to tell me my mother was on the phone.

She'd died the year before.

JustLyra · 08/08/2021 11:48

My ex joined the army when our twins (we’d tried for three years for a baby, inc fertility treatment, so not an unexpected pregnancy that foiled long standing plans or anything) were 6 months old as he said he realised family life wasn’t for him. He also gave notice on our rented flat (he was the lead tenant) as “obviously” he wouldn’t be staying. By the time I knew the landlord had new tenants lined up.

Margarita15 · 08/08/2021 11:49

SIL text partner a few hours after to ask why we had named the baby after my partners "good for nothing father".
Erm
Baby's name was Evan. Fathers name was John. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Demelza82 · 08/08/2021 11:50

My mother in law walked into the hospital, took one look at her only grandchild in the crib for the first time and said that he had one eye bigger than the other. She's an absolute gem of a human being.

Jerima · 08/08/2021 11:52

Made it obvious they were only interested in the baby and I was just a host

FlamingoQueen · 08/08/2021 11:53

With ds, mil and sil were waiting outside the delivery room. Ended up with an emcs (I was knocked out), when I came round I found out my mil /sil had taken dh home because he looked worn out. They had all held my baby before I’d even seen him (obv dh I don’t mind!). My neighbour who then popped round to see dh told him off and sent him back to the hospital!

For dd, we didn’t tell mil when my cs was so there was no repeat of the incident. Dh rang her to say we’d had a gorgeous dd and came back in tears. Mil had shouted at him and given him abuse because we’d never said we were going into hospital! Mil begrudgingly came to our house 3 days after we were home (she was told she had to or forget it:) and we have a photo of mil sat holding dd, but mil had such a grumpy face on her!

We now have not seen them for 2.5 yrs for other reasons!

KurtWilde · 08/08/2021 11:55

I was told to breastfeed DD1 in the toilet of a cafe because people 'watching' be feed my baby would put them off their food. This was despite having a sign in the window saying breastfeeding friendly establishment. Needless to say I left.

I think the worse thing though was after a horribly traumatic birth and the midwife described my newborn DS as a 'mistake' because I'd continued with the pregnancy after my ex left me. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.

Diddumz · 08/08/2021 11:55

My know it all SIL banging on about how I must get my ill, mildly premature baby into a routine. He had only just left SCBU.

I had terrible problems with ds sleeping... SIL smugly boasted that her kid slept through from 3 weeks old.

When my little sister very tragically died, SIL sent me an email demanding I help out with her son's birthday. DSis hadn't even been buried yet.

Sellingstress · 08/08/2021 11:56

My mum dramatising everything from a sniffle to sleeping, clothes - you name it. Nothing was right. And overall making me feel very inadequate as a new parent. She has chilled a bit now but I still prickle when I think how unhelpful she was.

asmuchuseas · 08/08/2021 11:58

When I'd just brought my youngest home from hospital my EX FIL stood watching me trying to put away a Tesco delivery that had just arrived. I was settling the baby and he was demanding the kettle be put on for his usual mug of tea.

I saw red and let rip to this day almost 14 years later I can't believe he sat there watching me multi tasking and demanding a drink!

depression941 · 08/08/2021 11:59

When ds was just out the hospital he was born with a disability that required leg casting , the midwife asked me how I managed to break his leg Hmm she also attempted to take the blood spot screening from said foot when she was told she wouldn't be able to get blood out of it , he screamed the place down and then gave up and had to do it from the unaffected foot , she was told very swiftly to fuck off new midwife was much better and had actually read his notes!