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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2021 11:16

This was innocently done but
DS was a poorly baby. Like the first two weeks we were on alert for him dying and his operation at 13 days may have proved too much for him
My work organised a card and a beautiful bunch of flowers. Big company so there were actually 3 large cards. So kind.

Except one of the cards said "im so sorry" in it. Of messages of love and hope but the front of ot basically offering commiserations for my son's life.

Compounded by my best friend telling me some people hadn't wanted to sign the cards because of the circumstances. Which is fine but probably not something i needed to know.

3scape · 08/08/2021 11:16

Someone told me I was sexually abusing my baby by breastfeeding them, well actually they said they'd been told that. I told them it said nothing about me they knew a disturbing person who sexualises babies and never went back to that mum and baby group.

The most hurtful stuff came from a friend though. Just stuff about how I wasn't a natural, how I didn't seem happy, how I should care more about certain things. Basically anything to make me feel bad at parenting. Once she even said it's be ok with her if I left my baby, that its normal for animals to walk away from imperfect offspring. I'm not sure why she didn't like me or my baby so much. But I didn't stick with her long enough to find out.

MimiSunshine · 08/08/2021 11:17

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

I can’t even imagine the terror and confusion you would have felt about why he would do that
Skyeheather · 08/08/2021 11:17

MIL and SIL accused me of holding the baby too much and said that if I didn't put him down and leave him to cry he would turn into a spoilt clingy Mummy's boy. They even took DP aside and convinced him they were right. DS was bf and refused to be put down. I told them to fuck off!. SIL and I didn't speak for nearly two years and MIL and DP kept their mouths shut after that.

DS is five now. He's very independent and not at all clingy. He is a Mummy's boy but what's wrong with that?

SummerHouse · 08/08/2021 11:17

@PlaybackToday

I know this isn't in the same vein but some poor soul asked me if I was ok in Asda and told me I was doing a great job. DS was about 3 weeks old and had woken up crying. I burst into tears and she helped me find my mum who I was with. Her kindness really got to me even though I know that's exactly what it was - kindness.
I had a similar experience in Asda. I wonder if every Asda has a kind lady! I had a two year old and baby, both crying in the café. She came over and offered to get me a cup of tea. Angel.
PerfectPrepPrincess · 08/08/2021 11:18

My not so DM telling my family we'd had the baby when I SPECIFICALLY said not to as I was looking forward to doing it.... They then wouldn't leave me alone with paragraph long texts whilst I was having a breakdown after a traumatic birth in hospital over the next few days.

Sweetpea84 · 08/08/2021 11:18

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

That’s awful what a nasty piece of shit!
messybun101 · 08/08/2021 11:21

@Cocolapew

DH ended up wrestling the phone out of MIL hands because she was trying to phone an ambulance when DD1 was a few days old. Because she was crying while I prepared her bottle. She also wanted to report me to social services for cruelty for letting her cry. Mil also turned up on the doorstep with her Bible to tell me my DDs were going to hell because I refused to Christen then.
ShockShock
mogtheexcellent · 08/08/2021 11:21

MIL accused me of poisoning DD becasue I wasn't breastfeeding (I couldn't). Nearly ended my marriage after that, fortunately my DF did some tough love talking to my DH and he is now much improved and supportive.

Despite living close by we rarely see the inlaws and always on my/our terms because of it.

TeaDrinker98 · 08/08/2021 11:22

Brother and his fiancee had a row (they're all about the drama and forcing other people to get involved). His fiancee rang me and, because I told her I'm pregnant and don't need this stress, so she told me that she hopes my baby dies. Obviously I haven't spoken to her since.

Magpiecomplex · 08/08/2021 11:23

Midwife laughed at me for talking to my 1 day old child. "They can't understand you, you know!" Every time I see yet more research reinforcing how important it is to talk to your children, I want to find her and rub her nose in it. Not that I was doing it specifically for that reason, I just hoped that it might help calm the poor thing down while we struggled with BF...

CathyorClaire · 08/08/2021 11:23

MIL came to see ds after he was born by emergency CS blithely strolling onto the ward and telling me that her DP had the squits but it was all A-OK as she felt fine.

We are now NC (for different reasons) but thinking about it still gives me the rage.

PurpleishDahlia · 08/08/2021 11:24

SIL moved her hen do to where I lived to make it easier for me to attend. Dd was 3 weeks old and breastfed 😣

AgnesPerdita · 08/08/2021 11:25

My sister turned up to visit when DD was about 10 days old. She sat on her arse and expected me to wait on her while attempting to breastfeed DD. Then when she left she sent me a message saying that I should get rid of my cats and get a cleaner as my house was dirty. I had a long haired cat at the time who was shedding and due to birth injuries was not able to hoover as regularly as we had done before.

My MIL turned up when the midwife was visiting and tried to refuse to leave the room when she was examining my stitches. And then when we had to stop breastfeeding due to poor supply my MIL declared that she would now have my 14 day old baby overnight to give me a break. She got really annoyed when I said no.

Anon9990 · 08/08/2021 11:26

Ex MIL constantly called me her ‘incubator’ and when baby arrived she waited outside the hospital when we were being discharged (height of lockdown) to try and come to our house to ‘help’
She then started crying that she was feeling ‘left out’ and that this wasnt the grandma experience she expected and it wasn’t fair that I favoured my mum over her.

3scape · 08/08/2021 11:27

@goldielocks that must have been utterly terrifying, what a cruel bastards!

PerfectPrepPrincess · 08/08/2021 11:29

Oh and my STUPID neighbour saying they knew something was wrong as I'd not left the house with the baby much in the first month Hmm and that I was depressed..... No, I'd just had a traumatic birth dear... So do fuck off!

pinatastick · 08/08/2021 11:30

I remember being in a cafe with DS, he was crying because he was hungry, I was holding him while OH made up his bottle. A lady came over and asked if the bottle was too hot- then grabbed hold of the TEAT to try to take it from OH's hands!

TeaDrinker98 · 08/08/2021 11:30

@OaxacaChihuahua

I was really lucky I think, people behaved themselves around me!

I did used to get a little frustrated when people didn’t immediately give him back to me when he was crying - I knew it came from a place of love because they were trying to give me a break, but it’s such a strong instinct to comfort your crying newborn that I really struggled to let anyone else do it. Nobody did anything actually awful though - you hear such horror stories from some poor people who’ve had hideously pushy friends and family ignore their boundaries completely.

Tbh I understand this completely. However, when SIL comes up with her baby I feel so guilty handing him back as soon as he cries, because I like to give her a break and don't want her to think we don't want to deal with him when he's crying, so we just shove him back at her. I do completely understand what you mean though.
Mellonsprint · 08/08/2021 11:30

My god there’s some complete a-holes about. Sorry for all the mum’s who have been made to feel like shit Flowers

justlonelystars · 08/08/2021 11:31

I have an 8 week old. When he was 3 weeks, DH, me and baby went for a “proper” trip out to a shopping centre. They had one of those Lindt shops with the pick n mix for the truffle balls. I thought I deserved a treat so got a MASSIVE bag of them. Some old bat in the shop looked at my large bag of truffles, then my large (post birth) stomach and said “Oh, I can tell YOU like chocolate”

ChockysChild · 08/08/2021 11:32

A midwife who I hadn’t met me before measuring my bump at 41 weeks and having a go at me because it had got smaller since I was last measured. I’m not sure if she thought that I was deliberately eating less/dieting as I never had an enormous bump. DD was induced a week later and born in a bit of a mess, with length and head size above the 80th centile, but weight below the 4th.

definitelyGotz · 08/08/2021 11:34

A few things stand out for me

With dc1 I was a teenager and was rushed in to hospital and needed an emcs. Begged dm to call my boyfriend….she said she would. 4 hours later in recovery he hadn’t arrived and dm said my bag had ‘been stolen’ so I couldn’t call him myself.
I had to ask a nurse to. When I got home dm also banned him from visiting us and said she had deliberately not called him at the hospital then she ‘found’ my bag and produced it once home

With dc2 dm promised to drop dc1 at school for me as she worked there and I had a cs.
3 weeks in she changed her mind……on the day it SNOWED and was -3. I had to push uphill a buggy plus buggy board as dc1 had hyper mobility and pain and i got home and my scar opened and I had to go to hospital

The next thing was when dc4 was in nicu. Very unwell. Visitors not allowed due to swine flu. Dm came up to see me but I’d said please no cards etc as I don’t know if he will make it. She brought stuff and told me to open it then opened it for me then she had a go at me that it wasn’t fair she hadn’t been able to see the nicu unit ???

With my youngest she said she woukd help one evening when he was 4 days old as she had to work unexpectedly and she cancelled last minute. I was so upset

definitelyGotz · 08/08/2021 11:35

*as DH had to work last minute not she

ChockysChild · 08/08/2021 11:35

Dsis then came to stay a week later and got cross that she had come all the way down to see me but I didn’t want to go out everyday to do children’s activities with DN and he was bored.