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Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 14/08/2021 20:39

@coodawoodashooda

Scream at me like a piece of dirt.
Who did that to you?
Ghislainedefeligonde · 14/08/2021 20:46

After having my 3rd ds Dh’s aunt asked me if I was very disappointed to have had another boy! I was furious Angry how could I be disappointed to have a perfect healthy baby regardless of sex

SilverWings687 · 14/08/2021 20:47

A few days after I'd returned home from hospital DS was crying and crying one night and I was struggling to breast feed. My husband walked out that night and left me with our crying baby (He did return in the morning) Hurts to this day.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 14/08/2021 21:00

My godmother was lying in bed a few hours after her emergency c section, when her son (much wanted by husband after four girls with first wife) started crying for a feed. Husband sat there reading the paper. In the bed, as she was pulling herself up hand over hand, inch by inch, like someone reverse escaping a burning building by knotting sheets together. Eventually he huffed, threw down 'The Gammoner on Sunday' or whatever it was, and passed her their son. Held up one finger and said 'That's it. That's your one. You've had it. Don't ask for my help with the child again.'

He was lovely.

nevisbump · 14/08/2021 21:04

MIL for both of mine passing judgement that I breast fed and couldn't give anyone else a go and meant the kids couldn't go and stay......there are a 101 reasons why that wouldn't happen

Short age gap between mine and when texting a so called friend saying I was struggling when youngest was around 6 weeks her comment was "well you asked for this". This is the same friend when I was 38 weeks pregnant with second who took great delight in pointing at me in a toddler group announcing I was so big, should have listened to another mum who said to ignore the bitch. Last straw with the friend was when I saw her when youngest was nearly two and I was working full time and she said it was obvious what I had let slip with working full time with two kids and asked her what she meant and she said "you, look at the state of you, you are a mess"

LadyAnanas · 14/08/2021 21:30

On the day my daughter was born, my family visited. My sister posted a picture of herself holding my daughter ‘welcoming’ her to the world. On Facebook. To all her friends and our family. It was the first picture of my daughter shared. Not even by me. I was too emotional and worried about making a scene so said nothing but was so upset. Still have never forgiven her 11 years later. We’re NC now (her decision) but lots of narcissistic-type behaviours makes me feel relieved she’s not longer a part of my (or my family’s) life.

forensicfleabag · 14/08/2021 21:57

I had a difficult booth with my daughter- forceps/prepped for emcs.
She was battered and bruised as a result of the forceps.
She was a long awaited icsi baby.

  1. She was a few hours old And I was just trying to establish breast feeding when the ward sister announced (with no empathy)- there's something wrong with this baby, crying like that. I'm going to give her a bottle. I tried to argue that she has been talking breast but she totally ignored me and started feeding her formula.
  2. Baby developed an infection. First night a consultant was buzzed to look at her. He carried her off for blood tests, me waddling behind him. I questioned him, his response, "we need to see if she's got meningitis." Matter of fact, no empathy.
  3. She continued with infection (no further mention of meningitis) and developed jaundice so we were kept in for a week. In one respect we got lucky and got a private room, and my DH was able to stay, but I honestly don't know what we ever did to upset the nurses/midwives, but some of them (especially the ward sister who forced formula into us) horrid to us- literally any chance to moan at us- my husband(who had been staying )sat on the bed; he walked across the corridor in socks; husband picked up some toast for me (I was in agony with stitches that they refused to look at for infection) ... all these things, my husband got berated for- shouted at like a naughty school boy!
One day, baby was struggling to settle-she hated the blindfold thing under the light. I held her and put the light over us both. One nurse came in, said, "god on you love, got to do what you gotta do to get them settled under that light!" An hour later, ward sister came in and shouted at us both for it. I lost the plot at this point and gave her what for- through my tears. My husband was far more reasoned but also had his say. The rest of our stay was false smiles and niceties!! Couldn't wait to leave. On a bright note, despite the forced formula feed , I went on to successfully breastfeed for a full 2 years!!!
ReggaetonLente · 15/08/2021 04:23

Good for you @forensicfleabag 😊 2 years, what an amazing achievement

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2021 05:22

@forensicfleabag - well done - that ward sister must have caused a lot of new mothers pain and hurt with that attitude - hopefully you standing up to her will have given her pause for thought!

NewBrightonEel · 15/08/2021 11:52

"D" M was giving me abuse because I wasn't married when I was pregnant with DS and I asked her would she rather I was dying of cancer. She did. Then when he was born tried to take over and acted like I was her surrogate. Been NC for 11 Happy years

Doomscrolling · 15/08/2021 13:59

DP and I had been together 12 years before having our first child; just didn’t want to get married.
My aunt rang me up to say I had to do it for the baby “because no one would let their children play with a bastard.”

Funnily enough, we don’t tend to see her.

ChampagneKisses · 15/08/2021 17:24

@forensicfleabag

I had a difficult booth with my daughter- forceps/prepped for emcs. She was battered and bruised as a result of the forceps. She was a long awaited icsi baby.
  1. She was a few hours old And I was just trying to establish breast feeding when the ward sister announced (with no empathy)- there's something wrong with this baby, crying like that. I'm going to give her a bottle. I tried to argue that she has been talking breast but she totally ignored me and started feeding her formula.
  2. Baby developed an infection. First night a consultant was buzzed to look at her. He carried her off for blood tests, me waddling behind him. I questioned him, his response, "we need to see if she's got meningitis." Matter of fact, no empathy.
  3. She continued with infection (no further mention of meningitis) and developed jaundice so we were kept in for a week. In one respect we got lucky and got a private room, and my DH was able to stay, but I honestly don't know what we ever did to upset the nurses/midwives, but some of them (especially the ward sister who forced formula into us) horrid to us- literally any chance to moan at us- my husband(who had been staying )sat on the bed; he walked across the corridor in socks; husband picked up some toast for me (I was in agony with stitches that they refused to look at for infection) ... all these things, my husband got berated for- shouted at like a naughty school boy!
One day, baby was struggling to settle-she hated the blindfold thing under the light. I held her and put the light over us both. One nurse came in, said, "god on you love, got to do what you gotta do to get them settled under that light!" An hour later, ward sister came in and shouted at us both for it. I lost the plot at this point and gave her what for- through my tears. My husband was far more reasoned but also had his say. The rest of our stay was false smiles and niceties!! Couldn't wait to leave. On a bright note, despite the forced formula feed , I went on to successfully breastfeed for a full 2 years!!!
Dd1 had an infection when she was born. They'd cut the top of her head open when they broke my waters
notoldjustpastyoung · 15/08/2021 17:55

Won't detail, but my husband did something that resulted me leaving him ASAP with baby.

Sadiecow · 15/08/2021 18:03

@notoldjustpastyoung

Won't detail, but my husband did something that resulted me leaving him ASAP with baby.
Well that's a strange contribution to the thread!
Toots8 · 15/08/2021 18:18

A friend came to see me and burst into tears. When I asked her what the matter was, she said “You look so awful!”

user1490285009 · 15/08/2021 18:32

Not something that was said in the past, but something that will be said in the future that I can already predict will frustrate me.

I recently had DC2, she’s a tall girl - off the chart in fact, but unsurprising given my partner is 6’5 and I’m 5’8. I just know my in laws will be telling at every single family function how big she is ( as if I haven’t noticed). They do this currently with my other daughter - she’s only slightly above average for height, and they go on about it like she’s the giant woman - I’m dreading to think what they’ll be saying about the new baby whose a lot bigger.

In my mind I make quip backs to these comments - like OMG your x year old still wets the bed? But then I think that’s a horrible thing to say about a child. So I say nothing - and they continue making my baby feel insecure about her height. It annoys me to no end.

Miisty · 15/08/2021 18:48

Local Vicar knocked on front door after 3rd baby and said aren’t you glad you had a boy (after 2girls)I was happy to have had another girl if it had been one

ClaraSais · 15/08/2021 20:21

When I was in the labour ward with my newborn daughter and there was another lady on the ward came in and as my back was turned touched my daughters face. I wish I had said something but I was in shock. I’m still upset about it 5 years later! A stranger touching my baby let alone without my permission is not ok

shewhomustbeEbayed · 15/08/2021 23:14

The midwives on the ward told me after having my dd overnight to give me a break ( undiagnosed tongue tie so not feeding properly ) that they had wanted to “drop kick her on to the island” in the night. The NHS hospital where she was born had a body of water with a small island in the grounds. I was astounded by how rude and unprofessional they were and couldn’t wait to be discharged ( unfortunately delayed by high BP )

Rememberallball · 16/08/2021 20:29

MCA on unit where I was for 3 weeks after 34 week c section delivery of DT’s due to poor growth of T2 over previous 6 weeks meaning he only weighed 1.55kgs at birth (T1 was a more respectable 2.25kg). Consultant had seen me the previous day and agreed a plan for feeding and weaning off NG tube at a higher % of feed taken that usual due to distance to hospital and lack of support to get there overnight, 3-4 hour round trip on public transport and non driving husband, potential for 16 hour gap when no cover to replace feeding tube at home.

Anyway, eventually achieved feeding plan and so tube taken out in morning but consultant agreed to continuing at hospital until I was happy with his intake. Drs doing ward round we’re told by MCA that they’d have a fight on their hands getting me to agree to going home as I was enjoying being in hospital too much and wasn’t doing enough to care for them myself (I was doing everything for them and only calling staff for DT’s medications which were forever being forgotten)!! Unfortunately for her, although I didn’t hear her, my DSS’s partner was also a patient on same ward having had her DS 2 days earlier and heard her so told me!! As it was, Drs came in and said ‘if I wanted to’ I could go home but consultant wanted us to stay another couple of days to monitor baby’s weight without the tube to ensure he didn’t lose any so it was one in the eye for her!!

‘D’MiL, from 6 weeks old (we’d been home 3 weeks at that point and still giving some formula top ups alongside bf), complaining that I was still bf and should just switch to bottles so she can have the DT’s to stay overnight with her - the same DMil who has said she doesn’t change dirty nappies and won’t do it for my babies (so won’t be having them to stay overnight while they’re still in nappies!!).

Oh, and while planning IVF treatment abroad, she asked whether the clinic we were going to were ‘professional’ and what we would do if (and I quote) “they put black babies inside you?” Apart from the fact they’re highly professional clinic with an excellent reputation; I said, whatever colour any future children were when they arrived, they’d be ours and we’d love them!! It was her way of trying to persuade us not to have treatment - didn’t work!!

sera103 · 16/08/2021 20:35

My hubby's uncle said ' have another one soon just incase this one dies!!😳😳

BlinkingLight · 20/08/2021 19:31

This has been the best thread ever. I cannot believe the stories I have read and how disrespectful families and HCP have been. Never heard stories of families going to a house to see a newborn and expect to be served by the mother and stayed for hours. I might be wrong but in Spain, from experience but people rarely visit without permission and empty handed! Gifts or food! of course there are exceptions…I have never encountered them, nor anyone I know.

tegannotsovegan · 20/08/2021 20:23

My sons bio father brought his mum to the hospital without telling me, the day after I’d had my son, but wouldn’t let my own mum visit me in the hospital.
Then when I could finally leave (there were some complications), he made us go to his mums house so she could hold our son (who I’d barely held myself due to aforementioned complications). For hours on end.

He isn’t allowed to be involved now and neither are his family but they were all a huge set of tw@ts.

tegannotsovegan · 20/08/2021 20:25

Oh, he also forced me to leave my 3 week old newborn at his mothers house so we could have “alone time”. I didn’t want alone time. He was very emotionally abusive.

OhRene · 22/08/2021 00:23

@30degreesandmeltinghere

If my mil had given my bf baby formula she would never have seen it again.
Baby was about two weeks old and MIL dipped a milky bar button in baby's mouth before I could yank her away. If DH hadn't have given his mum a huge bollocking for it she wouldn't have seen baby again.

IL's also didn't approve of breastfeeding and would shudder and say loudly how weird and unnecessary it was! "Downright creepy and unnatural it is!" apparently.

I persisted and breastfed all three children, fuelled on purely by spite even though it was fucking agony. For the first month or two I had to bite down on a belt for every feed. (Babies had good latches but my nips just hated BFing)